fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3047 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3047 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Suzanne from Orange is the New Black]

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04.

[Soul Caliber V]

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(Rick and Morty)

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06.

[Love The Way You Lie - Eminem feat. Rihanna]

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07.

[Bones]

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11. [SPOILERS for Grimm]
[WARNING for rape]

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12. [WARNING for rape]

[Eddie Murphy, Bill Cosby]

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13. [WARNING for incest/underage]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #435.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Going to visit the Aged P's is basically submitting to house arrest for the duration. My mother hates to see anyone leave the house. Because the world outside her door is dark and full of terrors or something--and she's one of those people who can't accept that their grown children are grown. There's no going out of the house, even for a walk or to pick up some groceries, without presenting a closely-argued case for why it's necessary to do something so dangerous, and listening to a lot of objections and manipulative pissing and moaning.

The worst of it is, I'm about to spend 4 weeks there, but no matter how long I spend at home, it's never enough for Mom--she always wants to know when I'm going to come home to live permanently. I mean, why would I want to live anyplace else?

I can relate. My nan doesn't like me getting the train by myself when I visit her. Flying there by myself was okay, but getting the train on my own (which I do at home, and have done since I was a kid) is too dangerous?

Also walking anywhere after sunset, because that's when people get murdered.

Oh God, walking after dark. My folks call me at around 8:00-8:30 p.m. (so 9:00-9:30 p.m. for them) and want to know "what I'm doing out so late?" Well, Mom, it's not late here; it's only 8 o'clock. "That's late! It's almost dark! What do you have to do that you couldn't do during the daytime! You should plan ahead better!" usw, usw.

You've got to put your foot down, then. If you want to go for a walk, tell her you're going for a walk and will be back by a certain time and then go. Don't hang around or get into a discussion and try to reason with her about why it's safe, that's a delaying tactic. Just kiss her on the cheek, tell her you love her and you'll see her when you get back. Get into the habit of running useful errands. ("I'm going to the store, do you need anything?)

Trust me when I say that by giving in, you're only reinforcing her worldview that the world is dangerous and she's doing the Right Thing by protecting you from it. You're going to have to train (for lack of a better word) your mother to accept that this is a normal activity and reasonably safe and the more times you demonstrate that you can go out and nothing happened to you, the more normal it will seem to her.

This is good advice in principle, but I suspect it may be too late to train Mother. She has a way of winning arguments by refusing to do something that she needs to do for her health (like taking her meds), on the ground that nobody listens to her, so it doesn't matter if she lives or dies.

Wow, are you my sibling?

I'm getting pressured more and more to stop my silly adventures in apartment living (because god forbid I ever become independent and LIVE my LIFE like I'm my own person) and move back in with parent, because parent is SOOOO LONELY, SO LONELY, yet can't be bothered to reach out to anybody else to come live with her.

I can certainly sympathize, but I'd probably be more open to the idea if I wasn't sure that the moment I moved back in, the house rules would change back to me paying over half the living expenses, doing well over half the house chores AND not having the freedom to do what I want. And even then, I don't trust someone who violated WAY too many boundaries when I was growing up, blamed me for all her adult problems, but gets to act the saint now and tell me my soul needs to be saved because I don't fill the same church visit quota she does. Fuck that shit, I deserve WAY better. Hell, I think anyone does.

[ SECRET POST #3047 ]

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