[ SECRET POST #3049 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3049 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 047 secrets from Secret Submission Post #436.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: TMI thread

[(Anonymous)]

I apologize if I sound super nosy or rude, but...

If you've never been attracted to this person, how did you end up with him? What were your reasons (YOUR reasons, not anyone else's, or anyone else's version of your reasons) for doing so?

Also, do YOU want to be married? If so, why? And when? And with what kind of person?

Getting married to someone you may not be sexually compatible with sounds like a recipe for disaster. Marriage is a big step, should be given some very good thought... it's not something you should "hope" you'll get into, or learn to live with... either you want to be married or you don't. Either you want to have sex with this person or you don't. Either you are attracted to this person or you aren't.

I'm not saying nothing will come of this relationship, but jumping into marriage at this stage seems very premature. Uncertainty and ambiguity are not strong foundations for two people wanting to share their lives together.

On the other hand, I dunno. Is he interested in sex? Is he attracted to you? If his feelings pretty much echo everything you're saying here... it could be you are matched. Then again, one of you could feel more "certain" about another person in the future... it's worth discussing these things.

Re: TMI thread

[(Anonymous)]

I have asked myself many of these questions, and my answer is that I do want to be married to him. I want to raise a family together. I think our outlooks, and interests and feelings and basically everything is very compatible. I am happy when we are together and I never get tired of being with him. I don't really have the energy to go into everything but literally everything about him is great and if not for worrying about the sex thing I wouldn't even be debating about it.

I don't know if I am attracted because I don't know how attraction feels like.

Re: TMI thread

[(Anonymous)]

DA

I think a better question here, then, would be to consider the worst case scenario. If it turns out you don't enjoy sex and aren't attracted to him but he enjoys sex and is attracted to you, are you willing to put up with having sex for his sake?

On his side, would he be willing to accept that you're having sex for his sake and not because you enjoy it yourself? Some people have problems with that also, if their partner isn't getting anything out of it.

Re: TMI thread

[(Anonymous)]

I am thinking of these questions a lot. I hope it won't come to that.

Re: TMI thread

[(Anonymous)]

I'd suggest finding out before you get married, so you don't have to go through a messy legal situation.

Finding out, not only talking about, because people who swear they'll be okay with something can also be wrong about themselves.

Re: TMI thread

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know if I am attracted because I don't know how attraction feels like.

For what it's worth, that's exactly how I feel, and I consider myself asexual. I figure I must not have ever felt it if I can't even identify what (sexual) attraction is. I've definitely been emotionally attracted to people, drawn to their personalities, wanting to get to know them more and spend time with them, and aesthetically attracted (they're nice to look at, but it's like how you can enjoy looking at a painting but not want to have sex with it). The most common explanation of sexual attraction I've come across is "looking at/being around someone and having the desire to have sex with them", and that's something that's never happened to me.

Maybe it will someday, who knows what the future holds, but I'm almost 30 and it hasn't yet so I figure asexual fits for me.