fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3075 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3075 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Spy]

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[Eurovision]

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[Captain America]

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14. [SPOILERS for Steven Universe]

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15. [SPOILERS for Age of Ultron]

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16. [SPOILERS for Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and DragonFable]

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17. [WARNING for sexual abuse]

(Duggar Family, 19 kids & Counting)

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18. [WARNING for incest]

[A Redtail's Dream]

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19. [WARNING for rape]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #439.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"how do you help someone that doesn't want help?"

You don't. You can't. And that's one of the toughest things to accept.

Make it clear that you'll do whatever's in your power to support and help her if she chooses to seek help, but the unfortunate truth is that you can't control whether or not she takes that step. That has to come from her, or any improvements will be fleeting and shallow at best.

Be careful that your sympathy isn't crossing the line into enabling her self-pity. You can empathize while still expressing that there's a problem here that needs dealing with. I notice you said you were already seeing a therapist yourself? Are there any techniques you've either picked up from your own treatment, or something your therapist can advise that you can bring up with your mom?

Keep your own support network strong in the meantime. Dealing with a situation like this is painful and exhausting, so keep yourself as emotionally healthy and balanced as you can in the circumstances.

it'd be easier if the choice wasn't between enabling her self pity or leaving her depressed and alone and friendless and worrying about what she might do.

DA

This is when tough love comes in. You are not responsible for her actions. She's a grown woman. And from the sounds of it, you are also a grown adult responsible for your own actions. What you are (gay) doesn't reflect on her. If she is upset that you are gay, that is her problem and her choice. The most you can do is "I'm sorry you feel that way, mom. I am who I am and I still love you." You ask her to go places. You tell her about therapy. And then when she decides to stay home and watch her soaps, you let her do it because she's a grown woman. The most you can do is be there for her.

She's not going to change until she decides to change. If she starts exhibiting high risk behaviors (alcoholism and drug abuse) then, okay, stage an intervention. Until then, you have to live your life too.

It's going to be hard. You have to take care of yourself too and this isn't good for you.

THIIIIIS.

there is no miracle cure OP, none of us in this thread can fix it for you, you can't fix it. only your mother can change. and she needs to decide to change herself.

be there for her to the extent of your abilities, but don't kill yourself trying to help her. she's a grown adult.

[ SECRET POST #3075 ]

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