[ SECRET POST #3090 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3090 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #442.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[raspberryrain]

Or you can be mature about your disagreements with the friends you have, and just play it cool.

[(Anonymous)]

OP is being mature about it. It's OP's friend who isn't "playing it cool" and there isn't much they can do about that except make better friends.

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, I don't think we know enough of the story to say whether or not OP is being mature about it.

[(Anonymous)]

The secret indicates they're mature enough to realize that not liking an actor your friend likes is not a personal insult, that it's not a big deal and that it doesn't constitute imposing your opinion on another person. I'd say they're adequately mature enough to find friends who are more on their level.

[(Anonymous)]

Sure but we only have the ops side of the story th for all we know they actually are being a dick to this person

[(Anonymous)]

Possibly. Then they should still find new friends and leave that person alone, though.

[(Anonymous)]

We have no indication as to when and why this argument pops up, or to how exactly OP is phrasing it when they say they don't like the actress.

It's quite possible that their friend really is just defensive and immature, but it's equally possible that OP is also immature when it comes to how they choose to express their opinion on their friend's favorite actress.

[raspberryrain]

I think you're right. I was responding the idea of cutting off friends, which seems unnecessary and not so mature.

[(Anonymous)]

Why? There's no blue ribbon for remaining friends with people who aren't particularly fun to hang around. If you're not feeling it in a friendship, it's not immature to call it a day and go find people who are better suited to you. I don't really like the approach you describe. It leads to too many people hanging around in friendships and relationships out of a misplaced sense of obligation.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm genuinely baffled by this statement. Are you saying that it would be immature in this specific context to cut off the friend (which may or may not be true depending on how annoying and defensive the friend gets when things she likes get criticized. it's no fun at all to be around someone like that tbh) or are you saying that it's immature in general to end friendships? Do you think people should remain friends with other people forever out of some weird sense of obligation or pity?

[raspberryrain]

I think I'm trying to be less judgemental than the person who said "get new friends" (and, I thought, implied "ditch your old friends"). And people keep thinking I'm being more judgemental.

Part of maturity is understanding that not everyone is as mature as you are, and learning how to handle them graciously.

You don't have to just cut people off.

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes handling someone graciously and being mature means owning up to your feelings and ending a friendship that genuinely makes you unsatisfied rather than going through a half-assed charade where you pretend to want someone's friendship and they eventually catch on to the fact that you're not into it. If by "cut people off" you just mean that it's rude to suddenly one day...idk, stop replying to someone's texts/whatever and just never speak to them again without addressing any problem you have with them, then I agree with you. But in general it's okay to let a friendship end when it ceases to be fulfilling on any level. Friendship isn't some lifelong contract

[(Anonymous)]

You don't have to, but not cutting people off isn't necessarily a sign of maturity. I'd actually say it's the opposite, because usually as you get older, you realize that you don't HAVE to be friends with everyone. Your time is precious, and you can choose to spend it on people who make you happy, people you get along with without even low levels of acrimony.

You may still have to learn how to handle difficult relatives, co workers and employers graciously, but friends? You can choose to be friends with whomever you want. Likewise, you can choose not to be friends with whomever you want. You're being just as judgmental as the anon you were replying to. Arguably more, because as you've discovered, very few people like being told they ought to remain in a relationship because you think it's more mature to stay.