fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3107 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3107 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Fire Emblem: Fates]

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03.

[Ocean's 11]

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04.

[Little Nicky]

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05.

[Devil Survivor 2]

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06.

[Sens8]

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07.

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08.

[Mariqueen Reznor]

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09.

[Battle Creek]

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10.

[Lucifer (TV)]

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11.

[Neil Gaiman]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 037 secrets from Secret Submission Post #444.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Do you keep hanging out?

Depends really, are they using you as a stepping stool or do they find you comforting and supportive and appreciate you?

No, I don't think I would. That sounds like someone who uses people to vent to or dump on. If they're not there for you when you need them, or they're suddenly not available when they don't need a dumping ground... that's not friendship.

Did something like that for about 10 years. No more.

1. they might be sad all the time

2. they might be using you as a crutch

3. they might not realize they're doing it

any of these, but especially 2 and 3, are valid reasons to pull back from, re-evaluate, or reconfigure a friendship

source: had this friend. many times. most recently found myself under a tree at 4 am being sobbed to because i, with 10 minutes warning, was expected to just magically produce a place to stay for a friend on a mostly-abandoned campus

This.

There are any number of reasons they might come to you (and like anon said, they might not even realize it themselves), but if you can't depend on them to be there for you when you need it, that isn't a true friendship. If you want to cut contact with them or discuss the issue that's totally understandable. You have to look out for yourself too.

I'm sort of the quiet, gives-good-advice friend in my circle, I never blare my own drama and tend to be the "listener" when someone needs to talk.

That sort of personality got me several of those "friendships". The ones who would only want to talk to me when they wanted to be depressed. Before, I felt like I was being a good person by being there for sad friends. But really what ends up happening is that you get used. If they aren't eager to be friends when their happy, that's a flag. If all of their constant sadness just ends up depressing you, that's a flag. If you feel like you have to devote so much time and energy into these happiness-suckers who just want to use you as a free therapist, seriously, re-evaluate the friendship.

Obviously, can't speak about your personal situation. But just from my experience, I've learned when to either subtly redirect things or hint my feelings of the situation, or just completely start cutting that person from my life.

First I tell them the situation needs to be fixed and offer a solution / some life advice. If the situation remains the same, and nothing has been done to attempt and improve it... Then I drop said friend from my life and tell them to call me when they get their shit together.

Set some boundaries, anon.

I had a friend who, I eventually realised, only wanted companionship when sad or in need of something. It al l became too much and I cut ties. I'm amazed at how stressed she made me, I'm so much happier without spending so much time trying to make them happy (it never worked).

So now, yeah, if you only ever seem to want to talk with me because you're upset I'm not going to let myself be used that way (or guilted for it).

[ SECRET POST #3107 ]

If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?

Re: If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?

Re: If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?

Re: If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?

Re: If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?

Re: If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?

Re: If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?

Re: If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?

Re: If someone only wants to hang out with you when theyre sad?