[ SECRET POST #3108 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3108 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 026 secrets from Secret Submission Post #444.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

10. http://oi60.tinypic.com/2d9bk45.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

How so, out of curiosity?

[(Anonymous)]

It gave them a fetish for men with gross lips?

[raspberryrain]

That doesn't explain the image choice.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I have a rape kink now. My favorite fanfics from when I was thirteen were those kinds. It's completely unacceptable and I don't like its implications, but it is what it is. Maybe I had it to start with and it wasn't learned, but I don't know.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'm surprised nobody's commented to say this, but this is fine, OP. It's not unacceptable and there are no "implications". Lots of people have fantasies about things they would not do or want done to them in real life. Having a rape kink doesn't mean you think rape is okay or that you condone the act of rape. If you understand the difference between fantasy and reality, remember that absolutely no one has been harmed because fantasies aren't real.

Re: OP, hope this helps

[(Anonymous)]

I'm really sorry you find it upsetting, but a lot of young people have rape kinks, and it's been going on even before internet fanfic was invented.

The fact is that you were drawn to these kinds of fics in particular above all others. I'm sure there were other fanfic available but those were your favorites. As you guessed, it's not likely to have been the fanfic that created this kink in you but was just there to explore it when you went looking, perhaps too early for your comfort.

I really do sympathise, but please remember these are just rape fantasies. You're hurting no one, no matter how much other people try to tell you your sexual tastes are wrong or problematic or unacceptable.

Would you condemn someone who liked murder mystery dramas for being entertained by murder? In the same way, fictional rape is just fiction.

The good news is that you're likely to develop a wider range of sexual interests as you grow older. It's extremely common for younger people to be drawn to rape fantasies because at that age your experience is limited, so the fantasy of having someone else in control and so be "responsible" for the sex is highly attractive. As you get more experience in life, your tastes will evolve.

My fandom is filled with rapefic written by obviously young people. Its a really common early sexual fantasy. You're not the only one, no matter who's trying to shame you for it.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I know I'm late to the party, but I just wanted to let you know that rape fantasy is one of the most common kinks out there. As others have said, it's not that you like or condone rape. Rape is about power, rape fantasy is a safe way to explore losing control without really doing so.

What you fantasize about =/= something you want to happen to yourself or others.

Like I'm writing a story that features incest. I have a large family. I do NOT want to have sex with any of my relatives. But I'm having a ton of fun working with and around that situation on a theoretical level.

And I will also echo that as someone who grew up before the Internet was publicly available, my first exposure was my Dad's porn stash (magazines and XXX videos). Where there are curious teenagers, porn will be found.

[(Anonymous)]

Lesson learned? And maybe someday when you have kids you'll take your experience into account and have meaningful discussions with them as to why you set limits on their activities.

I can definitely understand this

[(Anonymous)]

But one of the few situations where I could see this being harmful would be possible would be being exposed to a great deal of fan fiction featuring unhealthy relationships, which can happen when fic writers are inexperienced with worldy matters (but that could easily apply to basically any medium)

Like in a lot of situations, people can grow up and say "Holy shit, Twilight (or whatever) was really awful and featured an unhealthy relationship" and have perfectly normal, healthy romantic/sexual relationships. But especially when you're exposed to that at a young age where your ideas of what a romantic relationship IS it can imprint on you for the long term and give you some really warped attitudes and expectations.


Or you ended up with a really weird fetish and you can't climax without indulging it, but that's just another possible consequence.

[(Anonymous)]

Let me tell you, the very first fanfic I ever stumbled across was strait up HARDCORE smut. It was at the tender age of ten. I was searching google for something (I honestly don't recall) in between playing neopets.

It's all kind of been downhill from there.

[(Anonymous)]

And people complain about Brony fap fodder being findable by kids like it's a new phenomena...

[(Anonymous)]

I can definitely relate to this. I feel I got into smutty fics too early, most likely somewhere around the age of 12-13, maybe even around 11. (I know I watched my first porn at 14 and that I had read fics for quite some time before that) Some of it was really smutty and quite skeevy as well. I remember a lot of rape as love. My main fandoms at the time was Naruto and Harry Potter, so a lot of character were underage (and around my own age at one point of time in the canon) so that may also have had something to do with me identifying with them and sort of "absorbing" the kinks more than if it had been other fandoms/characters.

Today I'm really just wondering how much of my kinks are due to fanfic though and what is just due to other factors. Some of them are BDSM (and especially the D/s part of it), rough sex in general and a very clear preference for men that are older than than me. There are some other things too, but those are the most prominent. I definitely feel A LOT more kinky than most my friends, and feel I have to vanilla it down whenever we talk sex and I wonder how much of it is because I had a early exposure to kinky shit.

What I do know is when I become a parent somewhere down the line, I will keep a lot better watch over what my kid does online than what my parents did. Some of the things I did really skeeves me out a bit now.

If it hadn't been fanfic, it would have been something else.

[(Anonymous)]

Stupid stories from other kids, a dad's porn stash, a mom's sexy books, library books - anatomy, childbirth, sexuality, etc. There just comes a time when a lot of kids go searching, but don't have a lot of understanding or experience so ideas about sexuality become this huge morass of facts and tropes and rumors and fixations and misunderstandings that takes a long time to sort out.

Re: If it hadn't been fanfic, it would have been something else.

[(Anonymous)]

This. My first exposure to smut was Catspaw by Joan D. Vinge (http://www.amazon.com/Catspaw-Joan-D-Vinge/dp/0765303418). I was 12, and from there I spent a lot of time just reading the smutty parts of books around the house like Needful Things and The Firm.

Not long after that, I found a skin mag and a sex accessory catalogue, and from there I found somebody's copy of Lovelace, the story of Linda Lovelace, which I read a lot, and not for its message about how bad the porn industry is.

Basically: I came up before the internet was prolific, but...you know. Smut finds a way.

Re: If it hadn't been fanfic, it would have been something else.

[(Anonymous)]

Man, I was just thinking about Needful Things as I was reading this thread. I think I was about 13 when I read it and it was the most explicit book I'd ever read at that point. It certainly left an impression.

Re: If it hadn't been fanfic, it would have been something else.

[(Anonymous)]

This. I didn't have fanfic or the internet when I was a young'un, and I still explored smut in whatever form I could find it out of curiosity and titillation. Undoubtedly it influenced my sexual development, just like ANYTHING does at that age. The medium isn't to blame, it's simply human nature.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, might have turned out the same way regardless. The internet is great (/the worst... sob) for feeding my terrible fetish, but if I think back to early days, it was a matter of course. I won't call it hardwired, but that shit was already in my head.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I definitely remember imagining Jacen and Jaina Solo getting it on long before I ever even really understood the internet or how to use it.

Oddly, I don't really like incest stories now.

[(Anonymous)]

I ended up reading a lot of very kinky erotica when I was very young - I was about 12-13 and I used to go on sites like ASSTR and just read everything that was new without reading the summaries or anything. There was bestiality, necrophilia, paedophilia, scat, rape, etc all mixed in with more prosaic porn. I would wank to all of it. I would so rarely backspace...there was one story about a girl who was raped with a baseball bat which gave me nightmares for weeks (and actually still occasionally now), but I had still masturbated while I was reading it....It's all fucked up.

But none of those things turn me on now. I enjoy sex a lot, but it's all pretty vanilla - giving and receiving oral, PinV, occasionally anal... The only thing even slightly unusual that turns me on is when a guy stays inside me after he's come (and even better if he gets hard again, but not essential)...oh and DPing, but I've never had the luxury of being able to actually experience that with two guys irl. I digress.

...What I'm saying is, I don't think reading fic of stuff in your formative years necessarily causes kinks/fetishes/preferences. You like what you like.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm an adult who read a ton of smut as a young teen and young adult, and... ended up with a weird kink that has as best I can tell never been in any fanfic I've been able to find. It's seriously odd, and harmless, and there's no way it could have come from fic. Believe me, I wish it was one I could find in fic!

[sachiko_san]

So? The most fucked up Digimon fic gave me a BDSM kink (yes, I am talking about The Mistakes We Make).

[litalex]

I came across my dad's bondage photo book before I was ten (and with a cousin). And I started reading slash before I was 16. Wrote my first slash fic before I was 17.

My fic reading taste is pretty bdsm, but my real life self is terribly vanilla. So it depends.

[(Anonymous)]

I wish I'd had disturbing internet porn to explore my kinks at that age.

When I was a teenager instead I had a lot of fucked up sketchy sex which was pretty dangerous. I also tried to create my own porn through drawings and stories, as nothing was available to me at the time.

Now I have fanfic porn and my RL sex is a lot more fulfilling and vanilla. I can get my kicks in a much safer way. I stick to one person and we roleplay hardcore scenes from fics, though he often doesn't know this is what's happening.

I love fanfic.

Finding out you have a rape kink through fanfic may be disturbing, but it's a lot better than putting yourself in bad sexual situations as a young teen. So much better. Stay home and wank to rapefic!

[(Anonymous)]

I think your kinks are just your kinks, anon. Don't feel ashamed of them. :)

I had a similar experience at that age with some very hardcore Sailor Moon smut (seriously, that stuff was filthy) and I don't currently have a fetish for enemas or foot long penises that penetrate my cervix during sex.

And before the internet, it was my mother's "romance" novels, some of which were also surprisingly hardcore (and dog-eared by me). That was before I was even a teen.

'Twas ever thus.