[ SECRET POST #3115 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3115 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Tom Selleck]


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03.
[Kylie Bunbury]


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04.
[My Life as a Teenage Robot]


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05.
[The Raid 2]


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06.
[Ore Monogatari]


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07.
[noel fielding]


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08.
[Matsumoto Jun, Arashi]


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09.


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10.
[The Quiz Broadcast (That Mitchell and Webb Look)]








Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 027 secrets from Secret Submission Post #445.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

I have a question or two! Help me to understand something.

Your partner/significant other/wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/whatever, how do you KNOW they're The One? Why are you with them as opposed to all the other people in your life?

And yes this is fandom and fanfic related. In a research way. I see how people and characters can like each other but picking another person to commit to forever at the cost of being in a relationship with anyone else you know or might meet weirds me out.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

because you chose them

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks, but my question is why would you.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

Because they appealed to me. It's not a "one answer fits all" thing.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

okay. she has money and likes to cuddle.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

"picking another person to commit to forever at the cost of being in a relationship with anyone else you know or might meet"

So don't? Enjoy the person's company from day to day. If after a period of time the good stuff still outweighs the bad, and you feel like you'd perhaps like to raise offspring with them ( which is always easier if you're legally tidy) then maybe they're worth marrying.

If, however, you're still window-shopping, then they aren't the right one for you at this time in your life.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I would assume it is, like geological drift, one of those things that just happens over time

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[kallanda_lee]

You...don't?

Like, I don't personally believe in "the One". I think in life you meet several people who could be suitable to share your life with. And it sort of depends on investment (from both sides) and timing how it works out.

To me the litmus test is sort of...could I still see myself being with the guy when we're old in a realistic way? I think that happened to me 3 times in life. So...not a lot, but, more than a one-time-ever experience.

That being said, to some people the cost-benefit of being in a monogmous relationship doesn't seem like a good deal - so some people prefer serial monogamy, some poly or open relationship arrangement or plain old staying single.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[sarillia]

That's a weird attitude to me. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by being with my girlfriend instead of someone else. I like being with her and it just doesn't occur to me to think about the possibility of being with other people when I'm satisfied already. I'm not even someone who believes in The One. I don't think she's the one perfect person for me. But I'm not searching for The One in anyone else either.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

I know because my partner is my best friend as well as the person I love. He is arguably not the most good looking, smartest or most ANYTHING in the world and he's far from perfect. But after meeting him, I simply wasn't interested in anyone else. We have mutual interests and individual interests we pursue separately, but we think a lot alike and find each other's company to be the company we prefer the most. 15+ years and counting.

There is no universal answer or one defining moment where everyone knows for sure, OP. It's a strictly case by case basis and lots of people think they've found "the one" only to realize that whoops, they were wrong. Often people realize that the idea that there's only one soulmate for you is inaccurate and more the stuff of movies/TV than real life.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

He knows Kung Fu.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

It makes me sad that this reference is 16 years old

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[a_potato]

Well...you don't ever really know, with complete certainty. You basically have to make a very educated guess.

I find my husband very attractive and I'm in love with him, but that isn't particularly special or telling. There are a lot of attractive people out there, and a lot of people with whom I could fall in love. I decided he was "the one" in the sense that I wanted to marry him because we have enough overlapping hobbies and interests that we get along as well as friends as we do as lovers; we have similar values, goals, and temperaments; we are able to live together without a lot of conflict; we work well as a team; we communicate well; we're both committed to working through issues; and we both bring out the best in each other and inspire each other to be better people.

Granted, my situation is a little different, because we're open (although semi-closed at the moment due to impending baby). But we're always one another's top priority, and while I like seeing other people from time to time, I'm not sure I'd want to tie myself to anyone else in as serious a way as I'm tied to him.

Oh, also: if the thought of committing forever to one person freaks you out, then you might want to explore non-monogamy, or you might want to just...not ever commit to someone in that way. There's nothing wrong with that.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[herpymcderp]

Open relationship five! *palm slaps*

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[herpymcderp]

There is no "the one", scientifically speaking. It's just as likely for you to experience the same kind of love reaction to one potential partner as another. If I wasn't with my current SO, chances are I would have fallen in love with someone completely different but experience almost the same emotion.

Through the course of our relationship I've stayed because we've come through a lot of shitty times together relatively intact. We've been together a long time and learned to compromise. We're still learning to communicate, though we've been working at it from the start. There has never been a point where both of us stop maintaining the relationship, and that counts for a lot.

What initially made me interested was a lot of the personal reasons I'm with her: aside from ticking off a whole lot of boxes on the common interests list, she challenges me physically, intellectually, politically and philosophically and is constantly expanding my horizons. She has skills that complement my own, she feels the same way about career vs. family, and we mesh creatively and academically.

At this point it has also been so long that I feel like I wouldn't ever be able to build the same kind of relationship with someone else, so there's also that.

Edit: Oh and we also have an open relationship, so there's never a risk of wanting to leave to "be with" someone else. 98% of the time that "be with" is down to "have sex with" and then after the fucking is done there's some fundamental flaw to discover that my partner doesn't have. We're both free to do whatever, knowing at the end of the day we're with each other for life.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[insanenoodlyguy]

By some completely different person, you of course mean me shitlord.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

Well, for starters it's not "forever" unless you're in a religion that forbids divorce. Even then, people don't find that 100% binding if they want out of a marriage. I don't think there is a "the one" for everyone, if by that you mean that there's only one person out there for you and nobody else. People can and do have multiple loves in their lives.

But being in a solid relationship means I'm not plagued with worries about whether or not I'm "missing out" on being in a relationship with someone else. I'm not shopping around out of the corner of my eye because I don't feel the need. If you do feel that way, then I think that's a huge hint that you're not ready for a monogamous relationship. It doesn't mean that monogamous relationships are a flawed concept.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

"The One" is a stupid phrase. It's a big world with a lot of people. You meet someone who you're compatible with, are attracted to, have great sex with, that you feel you want to be a family with. (and then the Other Factors, like their career, relationship with your friends/family, their personal ambitions, etc) But if it wasn't them, it might be someone else. Unless you're ridiculously picky, chances are there's a lot of people you could work out something with. And I think love is grown, with work on both sides of the relationship, not "found".

Maybe I'm not romantic enough, but I also think it's the correct answer to the question.

Listen to everyone in this thread OP.

[(Anonymous)]

They all make 100% valid points. If you're going for a movie/TV-like "soulmate" fic, none of this applies. But it's exactly how it works IRL.

OP here

[(Anonymous)]

I get how non monogamy would work and I think I'll do my reading up on that, but the problem is if I do want to write something with soulmates or people being each others One And Only, which is by far how most relationships are, I still don't quite get it. "There are other options which would suit me more" is helpful personally, but I don't understand the ones that don't seem to. Should I just give up on that?

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, I'm not sure there is a ONE, as in, if not this person, nobody, ever, but...the idea of loving somebody else feels sort of like it doesn't fit? Like two puzzle pieces smashed together even though they just don't quite go. And the idea of loving my fiancé feels so warm and safe. :)

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

The way I see it... it's because you're a good fit for each other. You accept your partner for who they are, and not for what they could be, and not for what they could do for -you-. And vice versa. Obviously that doesn't mean perfect sunshine rainbows and kittens forever and ever until the end of time, but you'll be comfortable with each other or at least comfortable enough to meet one another halfway in a lot of things, and let minor stuff go.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with being a lifelong bachelor, or having multiple partners, just as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

*bitter laugh* There ain't no such thing.

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[(Anonymous)]

why so emo

Re: To FSers out there in relationships

[caerbannog]

There is no The One so I don't really wonder about that. I'm sure there's many people out there who are compatible or potential partners. I'm not going to gang around fretting over could haves would haves and what ifs.