[ SECRET POST #3139 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3139 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 097 secrets from Secret Submission Post #449.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

You are not asexual, a huge amount of people go about short to long periods of time without feelings perpetually horn when an attractive person passes by. It's normal, promise.

[(Anonymous)]

This is one of the problems I have. How long does a person have to feel this way before you can say they're really asexual? Do natural variations in libido over time mean we're all constantly changing sexuality? What about people who actually have hormone imbalances that are causing their lack of interest? You can't "change" the other sexualities with medicine, but a lot of people who seem like they're asexual can be changed into sexual people that way. What does that mean for asexuality?

[(Anonymous)]

Libido =/= attraction.

Straight men usually aren't interested in sleeping with other men just because they're horny.

Asexual men usually aren't interested in sleeping with other men or women just because they're horny.

You can medicate a lacking libido, but you can't medicate a lacking attraction.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, my "non-sexual" phase lasted over 5 years, but it was linked to mental illness.

[(Anonymous)]

Asexuality is a thing, definitely.

That said, I think it is true that some people go through long dry periods of not feeling attracted to anyone they encounter. Especially true for young people who are still majorly developing their sexuality.

For me, I didn't experience attraction to anyone until I was in my early twenties, yet I had many sexual fantasies. I was so frustrated I wanted to cut that sexual part out of me because I had no outlet. Even now, attraction to people is fairly rare, but I feel it's something I "learned". Everyone's experience is different, but I'm sure if there'd been tumblr around when I was a teen, I would have been team #asexual.

[(Anonymous)]

tbh, i'm worried that people going straight to the asexual definition are overlooking clinical signs of diseases (especially depression) and/or is the result of society having repressed and messed up expectations of sex

and this is coming from someone who fits the definition

[(Anonymous)]

They want the tumblr queer cred more than any help

[(Anonymous)]

idk i think most people would like to belong a somewhat positive group than admit they have serious underlying issues that take a lot of effort to improve

and this goes especially for teenagers and young adults (ie most of tumblr's demographic) who as a whole are trying to figure out who they are

[(Anonymous)]

You mean there's people who think because they're not experiencing attraction to anyone that that makes them queer? I know we're a broad church but... okay then. Maybe I should read up on asexual oppression. For me the shit started when I stopped being asexual and started being lesbian, but whatever.

[(Anonymous)]

Seriously speaking, there is a lot of detailed information out there about how people get weird or outright vicious about asexuality. And personally speaking, I'm not out because I know that the moment I put a name to my lifelong singlehood, my friends and family are going start assuming that I've got some repressed trauma or was raped or molested or maybe I'm just depressed and I should og see a doctor because hormones and there are medicines and stuff.

It's not violent and legal discrimination, but it can still be bloody alienating at times. (and personally, I would describe myself as "queer" as little as I would describe myself as "straight". I'm neither)

[(Anonymous)]

Being a brony is alienating too, doesn't make it oppression.

[(Anonymous)]

That's a great point that I've never seen anyone make. I'm all for people discovering themselves and being comfortable with themselves, but lack of sexual desire is such a classic sign that something has gone wrong with the system that it should absolutely be checked out, in case there is a problem that could be affecting other bodily functions.

[(Anonymous)]

da

This exactly. I used to think that I was asexual until tests turned up a hormonal imbalance. Once I got it corrected, suddenly bam, I had a libido. People should really look into health issues before they just declare themselves asexual BECAUSE it's such a common symptom of so many different things.

[(Anonymous)]

Lack of sex drive is one of the indicators of depression, as well as having hundreds of other possible medical causes.

I'm happy that young people can now come out, but rushing to label yourself so young isn't always ideal.

[(Anonymous)]

Yah, I've got virtually no libido atm, and I know it's at least partly the state of my hormones.

[(Anonymous)]

Regarding the "society having repressed and messed up expectations of sex"...

Yep, for a long time I technically fit the definition of asexual, but it never felt right. It turns out I had internalized a lot of messed up and contradicting expectations about sex.

- I internalized a "sex = bad" message from a very young age. I was eventually able to be more accepting of other people being sexual, but not myself.

- In my mind, sexually desiring someone without permission was a "rude" act even if they didn't know about it. I'd seen so much rhetoric (mostly feminist in nature) about how being into someone sexually, mentally undressing them, etc. was so disrespectful and dehumanizing for them that I would never ever do it.

- At the same time, with all the sex positive rhetoric, I also felt like I "should" enjoy sex. Everybody enjoys sex! It's fun! But then when I would have sex with someone I wasn't very attracted to, and didn't really enjoy it, it would be like, "Well, I must be weird then." I never realized that people don't just magically love sex -- people develop associations with sex, and I was developing negative ones by engaging in meh sex I didn't 100% want (because I still viewed it as somewhat degrading or wrong) because I felt like it was expected of me.

- I also internalized this idea that other people want sex ALL the time. So if I didn't want sex I was disappointing them. Bad misconception to have.

[(Anonymous)]

+1000