[ SECRET POST #3153 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3153 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #451.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Just a vent

[(Anonymous)]

At best, your friend is a flake. Possibly a passive aggressive one. Did you ask her about the zoo issue and why it was "too expensive" when you guys had plans, but suddenly okay when she had plans to go with someone else? I think it'd be useful to ask about this if you could do it in a non-accusatory way. Sort of a gentle but puzzled, "We make a lot of plans but they never seem to happen because you cancel out last minute. I understand that sometimes things come up that are unavoidable, but every single time feels like there's something else going on. What's up with that?"

But honestly, the issue might be that your friend is doing a slow fade and is too much of a coward to be honest about this, so she lets you think your get togethers are totally going to happen (because it's easier on her) and then pulls a bullshit excuse out of her butt at the last minute (again, because this is easier on her) so that it doesn't look like it's her fault for cancelling. If she gets huffy or defensive about your questions, that is a big clue right there.

You should probably back off on making plans with this person. Let her initiate and do the work of planning and see if she can follow through. If she can do this, say, 2-3 times without cancellations, then start slowly and make cautious plans with her again, then see how that goes. Regardless of what happens, meeting new people and making new friends is always, always a good idea.

Re: Just a vent

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with this. I've been in similar situations. Best case, she's a flake - and that does happen. Some people mean well and just don't have it "together" in terms of keeping commitments. Worst case, she's not as invested in the friendship.

I would say you can still make plans with her, but nothing too long term or definitive, and definitely nothing that involves you waiting (like you did with the zoo) or taking a lot of time away from something else. This is the sort of friend who might be best for making coffee plans with, and only if it won't be a problem to just read a book and sip back a latte if she never shows up.