fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3153 ]

[ SECRET POST #3153 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3153 ⌋

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I have real body horror fears about breast feeding. If I ever have children, I will not breastfeed at all. I refuse.

And all the pro-breast feeding propaganda ("it's best for the child! breast feeding is natural!") completely disregards the mothers who do not want to breast feed.

And the "breasts are not for sex, they're for feeding babies!" argument completely disregards the women who DO think that their breasts are solely for sex.

I don't want to breastfeed (or have kids at all) but I can't stand people touching my breasts in general, and they're not an erogenous zone for me.

I suspect THAT will be an unpopular opinion if I ever have sex. Women are supposed to like having their breasts touched and men all want to touch breasts... so why would anyone tolerate me not wanting them touched?

This so much. I hate the argument that breasts are always erogenous and that all women like having them touched. No. They are not for me. Touch either tickles or is painful there for me. Not sexy or hot or a turn on at all.

"And all the pro-breast feeding propaganda ("it's best for the child! breast feeding is natural!") completely disregards the mothers who do not want to breast feed."

I don't mean to be snarky here and you do what you want, but... this complaint isn't very logical. It "disregards" mothers who don't want to breast feed because it's based on the concept that the health of the child is prioritized over one's personal preferences. Most parents would prefer not to change shit-filled diapers or get baby piss in their hair or wake up every two hours in the middle of the night, too. Some parents might have real horrors about non-vegan diets, but they wouldn't get much sympathy if they prioritized their (undeniably strong) feelings over a baby's welfare.

DA

OK, but there are legit medical reasons that some women can't breastfeed. OP doesn't fit that criteria, but what I'm saying is, breastfeeding is not always some instant-must-do-easy-la-la-la thing for everyone immediately after popping out the kid.

Oh, absolutely. I'm talking about the scenario the previous anon laid out, though, where there's no medical reason for not breastfeeding, only a personal preference. Albeit a deeply held one. Like I said, do what you want, but there's a reason why pro-breastfeeding propaganda doesn't take "I just don't wanna because I don't like the idea" into consideration. They're not very charitable toward mothers who would like to breastfeed and aren't able to, and that's pretty shitty of them. So I don't why anyone would expect them to be MORE understanding toward women who simply don't feel like it.

The difference being that there is an alternative. Diapers have to be changed. Breastfeeding isn't necessary. There is an alternative today. Forcing women to use formula when they want to breastfeed is bad, but forcing women to breastfeed when they want to use formula is equally bad.

This! Thank you.

It's an alternative, but it's an inferior alternative when it comes to nutrition and building up a child's immunity. This is not to say that women shouldn't use formula if they need to and I'm not in favor of forcing women to breastfeed, but I also don't want to pretend like formula isn't the lesser option in significant ways.

Slightly lesser, yes. But formula can still give a child the nutrition necessary and immunity can be built up in other ways. No child has ever been hurt by being fed formula rather than breastfed (unless the formula is being watered down). So judging women for choosing not to breastfeed is not okay whatever her reason.

"So judging women for choosing not to breastfeed is not okay whatever her reason."

I can't agree completely with this. Yes, there are legitimate reasons why some women don't breastfeed, such as being unable to do so. Yes, I agree they absolutely shouldn't be judged for not doing something that is physically impossible. But I don't think all reasons are equally valid.

Let's say that a parent is deciding which school to send their kid to, School A and School B. Now let's say that it's generally agreed that out of those two options, School A provides the best education. School B is good... but not quite as good. Now let's say that School A costs $5,000/month while School B costs $4,500/month, which is surely going to figure into the decision making when the parent chooses a school.

Now, if a parent can only afford the $4,500/month tuition, it'd be heartless to blame them for not sending their kid to School A instead of School B. Only dicks would judge them for not having the money for the best school. But if the parent has the money to pay for School A yet chooses School B because they prefer to spend the extra $500/month on say, pot and pizza and other fun stuff for themselves instead of tuition, is that just as valid a decision as the parent who can't afford School A?

Parenting involves a great deal of self sacrifice. Not everyone's prepared to do it or they have varying levels of self-sacrifice and while for the most part it's good not to judge... well, there are some circumstances where judging is appropriate, IMO.

Whaaaaat. Breastfeeding is self-sacrifice now is it? Actually it's usually a lot easier. Speaking from experience of both.

If you don't want to do it, you probably have your reasons and I ain't gonna question them. Formula is fine. Parenting is a morass of choices and compromises.

Your posh analogy is so boring and unrealistic.

That is not a good comparison. Breasts are part of a woman's body. If she doesn't want to breastfeed, that is her choice about what to do with her body. That is nothing like choosing schools.

I wasn't breast fed after the first few days because my mother developed an infection. Except for a few to-be-expected childhood illnesses, I was practically never ill as a child. Sure there's statistical chances, but I really wish people would stop pretending like non-breastfed people are borderline immuno-compromised.

I agree, that was badly phrased of me. But what I meant to say was that they're not very charitable towards women like me, and they also act like all women want to breast feed.

I feel you, anon. I couldn't breast feed in any case for medical reasons, but I absolutely feel it's something that should be a personal choice for the mother.

I'm, frankly, sick of people implying that I'd be a bad mother for not breastfeeding. It especially stings because I couldn't without harming both myself and my child, but even if it was by choice it would get to me. We live in a world with viable alternatives to breastfeeding. If there weren't, then how do so many single fathers and adoptive parents manage to raise healthy children?

Pro-breastfeeding propaganda, to some extent, reflects reality, because it is actually the "best" for babies. Studies have shown this. Also for those giving the breast. However, formula is a fairly close second, and adults raised on it have done just fine. There's no good reason to feel guilt for this, for whatever reason someone can't/won't breastfeed.

Extreme views just get ridiculous and unfair, it's just another way to feel unreasonably superior. The worst of this here, soundly mocked: http://www.mommyish.com/2015/08/07/stfu-parents-breastfeeding-tips-world-breastfeeding-week/4/

I get that in some places, there is pressure NOT to breastfeed, especially thanks to the selfless efforts of corporations like Nestle (pretty disgusting practices), and "ewwww she just flopped it out in front of me" anti-public breastfeeding in the West, etc etc but that doesn't mean that formula isn't a valid alternative for those who can *choose*!

Formula is a WONDERFUL invention. I read about an orphanage in Ireland for foundling newborns left on their doorstep (thanks Catholic Church for stigmatising unmarried sex so much!) where in the time it was open, IN ONE HUNDRED YEARS ONLY THREE BABIES SURVIVED. Seriously, absolute carnage, a field of dead babies, because there was nothing to give them but gruel and animal milk. They could have been saved with formula (or their mothers forced to abandon them by religious attitudes...).

My son at 4 months was losing weight because breast milk wasn't enough for him. It took my partner a few weeks to come to terms with this and give formula. I've heard stories of very very underweight babies where the mothers just absolutely refused point-blank to give formula. Those babies, in the past, if they didn't have family/friends to help with the breastfeeding, might have died.

I agree with all of this. Although I'd also like to point out that the only advantages breast feeding has over formula are:

1) It grants all of the immunity the mother has to the baby before it can be vaccinated.
2) It doesn't have an involved sterilisation process like bottle feeding.

People (not you) sometimes buy into fearmongering rhetoric that bottle feeding will make babies obese and stupid in later life, which there really isn't any evidence for. And the benefits of breast milk are often exaggerated (I have one friend who honestly believes it can cure cancer). So yes, while it is technically best for the baby, it's also not inherently harmful to give babies bottle milk.

Same anon from above who can't breast feed for medical reasons, btw.

I won't say I know the technical facts, but I have an impression that all the immunity-granting factors in breastfeeding only happen right at the start, when a baby gets a dose of colostrum right after birth.

No, it's ongoing. You develop an antibody to an infection and within the hour it's in the breastmilk to give to the baby.

It's also that genetic material is communicated to the baby which is especially valuable if the breastfeeder is genetically a "wildcard" ie not genetically related, it can help plug up holes in a child's immune system if they're susceptible to an auto-immune disease, up to about the age of 2 when their immune system matures. I'm hoping that by giving breastmilk to my son (who is not genetically related to me), his existing genes for Diabetes Type 1 might have a greater chance of never getting expressed.

But still, formula is fucking A-OK.

I wonder about that orphanage case, if they also refused to handle the babies as well.

My mother has a tale she once heard in her hometown about the hospital adoption ward, where the nurses barely handled the babies and did nothing that even vaguely resembled physical affection. The babies would grow listless and their state would go downhill and the ward would lose babies because of this. A new nurse assigned to the ward noticed this and made a serious fuss about it, and once practice was put into place about actually holding the babies and interacting with them, they started surviving a lot better.

Possibly, but young babies still can't survive on goat's milk and oats. Or 99.9% of them anyway.

I'm sure it was totally horrific on all accounts in that orphanage.

SA

Just wanted to add that formula can really free a person from being tied close to their baby (for work or play or sleep) - pumping breastmilk into bottles sure can work but not for everyone and not all the time, and it's a shitload of extra work as breasts must be emptied regularly to keep up supply. If you work most workplaces are pumping unfriendly. Or anywhere without baby. Formula is much easier when separated from baby. Like the pill, it's a great feminist option to have.

* when regularly separated

if breasts were only for feeding babies we wouldn't get them when we don't have babies.

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[ SECRET POST #3153 ]

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