[ SECRET POST #3155 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3155 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 039 secrets from Secret Submission Post #451.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

09. http://oi58.tinypic.com/15ps4tg.jpg

[fingalsanteater]

Oooh. My sympathies. That sounds tough.

[(Anonymous)]

You know, though, most choose to be a BNF. Putting up with the crap is the price you have to pay for adulation, not unlike movie stars and other celebrities who have to put up with invasive paparazzi and microanalyss of everything they do or say in exchange for merry bushels of cash.

[(Anonymous)]

Do they? I was a BNF in my small fandom because I wrote a popular fic. I didn't know that would happen when I wrote it and I had no idea what a BNF was when I started. People seemed to like it and I got many nice compliments, but I wouldn't call them "adulation". I suppose it was a small fandom though, so not prone to extremes.

[(Anonymous)]

I have no good advice, except that I'm not really seeing why you're friends with this person, since you only have bad things to say about them.

I'm guess you're wondering too from the sounds of your secret. I don't think that the corner you've painted yourself into with them sounds very healthy, although I expect you did it with the best of intentions.

If I had a friend who thought the way you do, I'd want them either to say something or stop pretending to be my friend. It's a tough decision, either way, so all the best.

[elaminator]

I'm curious as to what the fandom is since you say “semi-related". (Maybe one of BioWare's other franchises, like Mass Effect? Or a completely different fantasy series?)

Anyway, if this person is in the middle of lots of (unnecessary) drama and isn't handling it well, it might be time for them to take a step back. If you care about them it is understandable that you want to be there for them, but imo life is too short to get involved in stupid wank. I don't truly blame you for not wanting to get involved, because wank isn't worth it.

There's only some much you could do anyway! (Is your friend being nasty right back? That kind of behavior just encourages people.)

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, if it's a Bioware fandom - especially if its Dragon Age - just wash your hands of it. Bioware fandom is batshit insane trying to find flaws where there are none or telling you you're liking something wrong, false real life equivalencies, and dictating how other's play their games...

Just back away from it all and watch from the sidelines. Otherwise you'll get bullied.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who has been in a situation that seems very comparable, keeping out of it might work better than you think. Be kind and sympathetic to your friend, but you don't have to white knight them.

[(Anonymous)]

I see two main possibilities here:

1. The way your friend is handling this is showing her to be someone who isn't all that nice. In this case, it's probably best to start thinning out your friendship. You don't necessarily have to drop her on the spot, but don't do things to reinforce your friendship either. Let it weaken.

Or-

2. Your friend is not doing anything wrong, but the way she's handling her situation is not how you think she should handle it and you're annoyed about that. In which case, either accept that she doesn't have to handle it the way you would and let it go. Or decide your friendship isn't worth your effort and start thinning out your friendship.

Either way, don't come to your friend's defense unless you actually mean it. You shouldn't be feeling like you did her this big favor by going out of your way to defend her. If you defend her, you should be doing it because you believe it's the right thing to do - either because the force with which she's being attacked is unfair, or because she didn't do anything wrong in the first place. If you don't feel she's being treated unfairly and that defending her is the right thing to do, don't do it.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't get involved if you don't want to get involved. You can lend your friend a sympathetic ear if you want, or even just tell her, "Oh, man, that sucks," and then change the subject to something else. She's going to have to learn on her own to deal with it (and in the case of some of my friends who were like this, they actually thrived on the drama and being a victim and had no interest in changing their situation).