fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3157 ]

[ SECRET POST #3157 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3157 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #451.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am the person whose sister was wanting to leave her BF. She finally told him it was over after he went to the doctor and refilled his prescriptions instead of admitting he was a drug abuser and getting help. And during the argument about it he said, 'Well if I tell them that if I am in real pain they won't give me nothing!" She was like, "There you go."

So, she told him she would give him time to save some money up. He was like, "3 months?" She told him more like 2-3 weeks. And now he is just...being a passive aggressive ass. She has to keep telling him to not buy her shit (he can't fix this). She keeps reminding him to get boxes from work to pack his shit. He still hasn't called his parents to ask for help. And he keeps like...blocking out that they are broken up. It doesn't help they are having to live together.

She told him that if he wanted an ugly break-up, she can give him one. But she doesn't want to.

It is pissing me the fuck off because I just want to clock him in his stupid face for making this drag out.

Shit. I really hope this is the end very very soon and your sister can laugh about what a fuckhead he was in a year's time.

She's choosing to drag it out. Having to live together because of circumstances is one thing, but she doesn't have to remind him to do anything or accept anything he buys, or have anything to do with him, really. I spent a whole summer once with a roommate I never saw other than in passing.

Different with an ex who won't accept the ex-iness. Presumably still she's got some feelings and behaviour patterns in his favour that are being consciously overridden by his terrible behaviour. I'd be very uncomfortable in her situation.

Well, I mean...she has pets who she can't leave alone. And she doesn't want to be an asshole. She is actually friends with all her other exes.

What do the pets have to do with whether or not she spends time with him? And again: Not "wanting to be an asshole" and trying to stay friends with this ex are choices that she's making.

Definitely be pissed at him for being an asshole, but if you actually want to help your sister out of this, you need to help her realize that her decisions aren't helping the problem, either.

Not OP, but maybe OP's sister is concerned about creating resentment because she fears that ex-BF would take it out on her pets?

She doesn't want to leave them alone with him. And she can't just cart a dog and cat around all day.

And like...I get that some people can be cold as ice, but even if she doesn't want to be with him romantically, she doesn't want to just kick him out of her house with no car, money, or way to get halfway across the country to get back home.

But this isn't just someone she doesn't want to be with romantically. This is someone she suspects is capable of taking out his resentment toward her against a couple of inoffensive animals. If that's what he's like, she needs him out of her life. It sounds like he could get himself organized and get out of there if he wanted to; he just won't--because he has a cushy berth and he doesn't want to leave your sister if he can possibly continue taking advantage of her.

Also, she's not responsible for the fact that he's not prepared to leave, because he's flat-out refusing to prepare. He apparently has money but is choosing to allocate it toward buying gifts for your sister to guilt her into continuing the relationship. I'm prepared to hazard a guess that he potentially has support that he could call upon, but refuses to do so because he's determined not to leave. You've already established that he has a history of manipulating her with guilt over how torn-up he'd be at losing the Love of his Life. But there's no danger of that, because the love of his life is clearly himself, with his drugs a close second.

If she's not doing it already tell your sister to throw all the things he buys her into a box. If she accepts anything he'll use it to hold over her head; hell, if he tries to ignore that it's over she can put the box somewhere unmistakable and write "[BF's name]'s stuff" on it in big fat letters.

Hope everything goes all right for your sister!

She's started boxing up his shit for him to sort of move him along.

Your sister means well, but honestly, there's no point in giving a person like this any wiggle room. They won't be grateful, they'll just try to find a way to abuse her generosity. A better plan would've been for her to move out and leave him, but if that's not possible, she needs to think about what she's going to do if he simply refuses to leave. Is his name on the lease? Does she have his parents' number? Mutual friends who can ease the transition?

Good for her for dumping him. She'll be far better off for it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3157 ]

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