fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3157 ]

[ SECRET POST #3157 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3157 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #451.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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for emotions that need more than just venting

I am the person whose sister was wanting to leave her BF. She finally told him it was over after he went to the doctor and refilled his prescriptions instead of admitting he was a drug abuser and getting help. And during the argument about it he said, 'Well if I tell them that if I am in real pain they won't give me nothing!" She was like, "There you go."

So, she told him she would give him time to save some money up. He was like, "3 months?" She told him more like 2-3 weeks. And now he is just...being a passive aggressive ass. She has to keep telling him to not buy her shit (he can't fix this). She keeps reminding him to get boxes from work to pack his shit. He still hasn't called his parents to ask for help. And he keeps like...blocking out that they are broken up. It doesn't help they are having to live together.

She told him that if he wanted an ugly break-up, she can give him one. But she doesn't want to.

It is pissing me the fuck off because I just want to clock him in his stupid face for making this drag out.

Shit. I really hope this is the end very very soon and your sister can laugh about what a fuckhead he was in a year's time.

She's choosing to drag it out. Having to live together because of circumstances is one thing, but she doesn't have to remind him to do anything or accept anything he buys, or have anything to do with him, really. I spent a whole summer once with a roommate I never saw other than in passing.

Different with an ex who won't accept the ex-iness. Presumably still she's got some feelings and behaviour patterns in his favour that are being consciously overridden by his terrible behaviour. I'd be very uncomfortable in her situation.

Re: Screaming thread

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 00:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Screaming thread

dancing_clown - 2015-08-27 00:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Screaming thread

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 00:34 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Screaming thread

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 00:52 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Screaming thread

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 03:25 (UTC) - Expand

SA as above

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-28 01:14 (UTC) - Expand

If she's not doing it already tell your sister to throw all the things he buys her into a box. If she accepts anything he'll use it to hold over her head; hell, if he tries to ignore that it's over she can put the box somewhere unmistakable and write "[BF's name]'s stuff" on it in big fat letters.

Hope everything goes all right for your sister!

Re: Screaming thread

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 00:13 (UTC) - Expand

Your sister means well, but honestly, there's no point in giving a person like this any wiggle room. They won't be grateful, they'll just try to find a way to abuse her generosity. A better plan would've been for her to move out and leave him, but if that's not possible, she needs to think about what she's going to do if he simply refuses to leave. Is his name on the lease? Does she have his parents' number? Mutual friends who can ease the transition?

Good for her for dumping him. She'll be far better off for it.

I'm falling apart every day and I'm upsetting everyone. I wish everyone in my life would kick me out to the curb.

They won't do that because you have value. You are valuable to them and they care about you. Hang in there and let people help if they want.

AYRT

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 00:10 (UTC) - Expand

SA

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 00:12 (UTC) - Expand

How is everything falling apart anon? How are you upsetting everyone? They can be upset and still want you around :)

AYRT

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 00:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: AYRT

diet_poison - 2015-08-27 05:32 (UTC) - Expand

I just want my poor sister (she has PTSD, depression and chronic dental problems of pain and the dodgiest of boss' :/)to stop calling me so much. She says she won't (let's limit to one call a week pls) and then she does and I'm just so tired when I get home from work the last thing I want to do is be stuck in a 30 min conversation of her venting.

So the minute my phone is ringing after 6pm I want to scream because I know it's her. (I only answer once a week now)

ARGH :/

Aw man, I'm sorry you have to go through that. :(

Re: Screaming thread

caerbannog - 2015-08-27 04:04 (UTC) - Expand

I can empathize with both parties; being the one sick of listening to problems, and being the one with too many problems. Both situations suck. Seems like your problems is dealing with her after work. Do you not have any free days off, or do you not want to bother with her venting call on your free days either? You could try and lay down rules you don't want to hear about her problems in a negative venting way, since you already have some rules established with her, and stop her if she starts venting. Or either tell her you want a break from the calls for awhile because you;re tired. I know that's what my therapist used to suggest. I'd just tread lightly because it could blow up in your face if she takes it the wrong way.

Oh man.

Is she getting help for her mental issues? Also, how old is she?

I know when I was in high school I tended to rely heavily on two people and I wore both of them out. It took a lot of convincing to realize that I needed to get help and address my own issues and build an actual support network rather than just going to my mom all the time who already had a lot on my plate. I was depressed and sometimes suicidal and it wasn't pretty, but it creates real emotional strain on others, too. :(

I'm worried that I'm not working hard enough at grad school because I've finished the past few days between 6-7, but I know that someone was there till 11 last night and now I'm like "shit, was I supposed to do that? Am I slacking?"

Bonus, we have literally only had 3 days of classes, so I'm probably worrying over nothing but that doesn't stop meeeeee.

More isn't necessarily better here. As long as you are getting wat you need to do done and feel prepared for tests and duscussions, you're fine. As for that other person, not everyone is equally efficient with their time or they spend some of their "work" day doing other things besides school related stuff and need to stay late to get everything done. Also, maybe this person just has different stuff going on in school right now than you do? More stuff that can't be done at home or they're deep into writing their thesis/dissertation? You will probably have times where you have to put in some late nights.

Re: Screaming thread

(Anonymous) - 2015-08-27 01:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Screaming thread

diet_poison - 2015-08-27 05:36 (UTC) - Expand

My chronic abdominal pains are back. They went away when I stopped eating gluten, and then came back when I had to go back on it for six weeks for another blood test, and now I'm back off it again they haven't eased off. Last time they did fairly quickly. Now I'm still pretty much constantly in pain.

I eat huge amounts of veg, make all my meals from scratch. I should be one of the healthiest people alive and I'm still constantly ill. It sucks.

I'n sorry that you're hurting. I have Celiac and I remember being at a steady 6/10 when I was being diagnosed. If you have a problem with gluten, it takes time to heal from the damage. Until your pain level drops, I hope that you take time for yourself and do whatever you need to do to heal.

In my case, I looked for anything that was "louder" than the pain. Other physical stimuli (heating pad, massage wand for my lower back, ice bags, etc) or interesting media (movies, books, music, anything!) to pull my thoughts from the constant grind in my belly. Remembered to HALT (stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired) and checked those off my list when I felt most overwhelmed before looking for other causes.

None of these things made me better, I know, but they managed to get me through the hardest part of the recovery process. Once I stopped all wheat and dairy, my pain levels dropped steadily until I had none. I can drink milk and eat dairy again but any gluten causes me a lot of pain.

I wish you well, Nonny, in every sense of the word.

I'm suffering from stomach issues to so I feel your pain. I can't move around much and I can eat very little and only limited items. I'm living off of ensure more or less. I feel like I'll be able to be treated, but I'm still waiting on various tests to finish up. It sucks though. Hang in there and rest as much as possible.

I have Crohn's that was undiagnosed for years, and one of the things that hurt the most was eating raw vegetables. It just fucking *killed* me. I ended up having emergency surgery to remove some of my small intestine and colon (and gall bladder, and appendix).

Do you know what, exactly, your issue is? Or are you still waiting on test results? It might be the veg (especially raw stuff) that's hurting so much.

My mom won't stop drinking and I'm afraid I'm going to lose her. It sucked to lose my dad and he'd been such an asshole for so long, and I was so young when he went off the rails, that the first thing I felt when he died was relief that we didn't have to worry about him hurting other people or himself or us anymore. It hurt and it sucked, but by the end he was miserable and making everyone around him miserable and scared.
But I actually love my mom, not just who she was before her addictions caught up with her, but her now, even while she's killing herself. And I feel like now that I'm an adult I should be able to do something more to help her, rather than give up on her while she's still alive and hurting so it won't hurt me so much when she dies, which is what I did with my dad.
And I know it can't be healthy to stop myself caring about people because it hurts too much to lose them, and not trust anyone because my parents and other relatives' behavior made me think that no matter how much they loved me, their addictions were more important to them than I was, or even their own lives were.
I know intellectually that this is a really common but unhealthy way for addicts' kids to think about themselves and the world and other people, and I'm hardly the first person to go through this bullshit. But I hate it and it sucks and I wish I could shut up the voice in my head that says I'm not lovable because my parents loved their addictions more than they loved me. And I really wish I could let myself care about other people. I don't want to have a big scar where my ability to emphasize with other people should be, because that's how monsters are made. But I can't care too much without risking some kind of total shutdown where I can't even care for myself on a basic, brush teeth and take out trash level, much less anything or anyone else, like my mom, my pets, my job, or my classes.

I'm so sorry, anon.

sorry. Can you maybe look for help, like a self help group for relatives of addicts, or bother your mom into something?

Even if you can't do that though, not doing something doesn't mean not caring, or being responsible, especially if you can barely hang on yourself.
It sounds like your Mom managed to give you more affection/be a nicer person than your Dad and you love her and appreciate her for that. The effort she made is valuable.
The same should apply to you, even more so because you're not actively hurting anybody through your behavior.
You're lovely and should be appreciated and you'll hopefully find more people who are good to you and worthy of your love.

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Real Monsters?

Re: Screaming thread

mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com - 2015-08-27 21:46 (UTC) - Expand

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