[ SECRET POST #3160 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3160 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #452.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[dani_phantasma]

Person with Asperger's here. Being socially awkward is not an excuse for keeping on when people have very clearly told you NO several times. I was hella socially awkward when I was a teenager. But I think I knew enough that if someone told me several times, and their family members told me "no" or to go away very clearly I would have.

I also know quite a few guys on the autistic spectrum who were the same way. Awkward, yes but also not wanting to upset people.

If someone's uncomfortable with what you're doing, they shouldn't have to put up with it to spare your feelings. Being socially awkward is not an excuse. I hate this line of "but they're socially awkward so let them do things and don't criticize them" . How will they learn if no one teaches them?

I just can't stand the argument here. This is the kind of thinking that makes people with social awkwardness think they get a pass on social boundaries because of it. Which breeds more of the kind of people that piss off people and continue to push the idea of "socially awkward = creepy and maladjusted weirdo". Socially awkward people can still LEARN.

YES THIS

[(Anonymous)]

This. Social skills are skills, and have to be taught. Most persons on the spectrum are not helpless nor incapable of learning, they just need remedial education, or failing that, a few strong boundaries.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with all of this.

But I think one of the problems is that it can be difficult to tell, from the outside, the difference between creepy and socially awkward. Those categories can easily shade into each other and are kind of in the eye of the beholder. So - while everything you say is true when it comes to the creepy person - I think it's slightly more difficult in practice how you should deal with those people. Because sometimes what we read as creepy comes from social awkwardness, and sometimes it comes from shittiness.

With, of course, the baseline understanding that it's always your prerogative to feel uncomfortable about something.

[(Anonymous)]

It's actually pretty easy to tell: if someone comes off as creepy, they're creepy. It may not be intentional, and they might be perfectly willing to modify their behavior once they realise they're making people want to scale the walls to get the fuck away from them, but creepy behavior isn't automatically uncreepy if it's driven by ignorance rather than malice.

[(Anonymous)]

NYART

Kinda like toxic people in a way.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't see the importance of making a fine distinction here. If people find someone creepy, and social awkwardness plays a role in that assessment, they are still creepy. Creepiness is an impression, not an intention.

I think the thing to think about is why would people prefer to be labeled socially awkward instead of creepy, all things equal? Is it because creepiness is seen as there being intent to harm, whereas social awkwardness has no such intent, just cluelessness? But I think most people who are creepy-but-not-socially-awkward don't actually mean to harm. They just want things to go their way. This desire for control can lead to disrespect for other people's boundaries, which is experienced by other people as creepy.

To me it's like the notion of "racist". People sometimes assume racist people need to have hatred or intent to be hurtful. But many people are racist because they don't think their beliefs are in any way hateful or hurtful.

[(Anonymous)]

THANK YOU. this post is wonderful.