[ SECRET POST #3172 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3172 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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(Ollie Locke)


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[Forever]


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[Doctor Who]












Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 013 secrets from Secret Submission Post #453.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

To be honest, no. When someone is depressed the way your friend is, they're not really equipped to realize that they're worthy of being loved, even in the face of repeated demonstrations. Which is why while I applaud your efforts, please be careful of your own emotional health, OP. I've been in your friends' shoes. The problem with depression is that it's a black, bottomless pit. When people showed me that they cared for me, it was like trying to fill that pit with love and affection. But the pit is bottomless, and no matter how much love and support they shoveled in, it was never enough.

This is not to say you shouldn't make those gestures, just that you can't take on the burden of persuading someone not to feel depressed anymore. You alone can't heal them. You can be there while they work on healing themselves with self care, therapy and/or meds, but you, all by yourself, cannot fix this for them no matter how hard you try and how hard you want to. It's not a question of will or self sacrifice on your part, and if you try, you'll burn yourself out and your friend will be no better off than she was before.

You can be a good friend, but it might be a good idea to pull back from "going over the top". Honestly, when I was depressed and at my worst, grand gestures like that made me feel worse, because I knew the person making them was really, really trying to help me. When it didn't work, I felt guilty for being such a rotten friend, and then I felt resentful at the person for thinking they could e-hug me out of being depressed and both of those things caused me to withdraw from them.

My advice is to keep the gestures relatively low key, but regular. Talk to your friend about what's going on in your life (brief, cheery updates if you can) without expectation of reciprocation for a while. Let them know you're thinking about them. Listen if they need to vent. Encourage them to seek therapy. And remind them that in depression, your brain lies to you, all the time, about everything. It tells you you're a horrible person nobody cares about. It tells you you're stupid and everything is hopeless so it's not worth trying anymore. IT LIES.

That's all you can do.