[ SECRET POST #3184 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3184 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[cards against humanity]


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03.
[Star Trek: The Next Generation]


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04.
[Spongebob Squarepants, Squidward]


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05.
[Quantum Vibe]


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06. [whoa huge]

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07.
[Until Dawn]


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08.
[Turn]


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09.
[Valhalla Rising/Mads Mikkelsen]


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10.
[Person of Interest]


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11.
[Mark Millar]









Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #455.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

What's a funny line or quip you love? From a TV show, movie, book, etc.

Re: What's so funny?

[dreemyweird]

IT'S DIFFICULT DIFFICULT LEMON DIFFICULT

I invariably crack up when I remember it. In the Loop, fyi.

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

I saw a stall at the farmer's market that had bags with "easy peasey lemon squeezey" on it and I REALLY want to see if I can commission a "difficult difficult lemon difficult" bag.

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

"I know a place right across the Brooklyn bridge where they'll never find us." "Where is it?" "Brooklyn!"

From the movie "On the Town"

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

:D YES! Gets me every time. That and the sight gag imagine spot of Ivy studying "dancing and painting".

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

"I was taking part in the racial violence that was taking place in LA at that time... I like to think that I mowed down as whites as I did blacks. The Koreans did very badly out of the whole deal."

Do you feel any pride now about that?

"I feel nothing but pride. That's all I do feel. An empty pride, a hopeless vanity, a dreadful arrogance, a stupefyingly futile conceit. But at least it's something to hang on to."

Re: What's so funny?

[dreemyweird]

Why is this funny? This just sounds disturbing as hell to me. Is there some context that makes it amusing?

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

"It used to be you could get together with your family and you could dance around with your family in a thresher and all your limbs would fly off and it would be fine, and now they've banned Christmas."

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

+1 for Stewart Lee

Re: What's so funny?

[herpymcderp]

Danananananana shiny scalpeeeellll...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAyVfmhgk0s

Also:

~flap flap flapping my albatross wiiiings~

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

Reminds me of my expedition into the wilds of Afghanistan. We lost our corkscrew... had to survive for two weeks on food and water.

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

"Although, technically, is it still considered an eye patch if you're wearing it on your -"

"STOP!"

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

Should add this is from "Frasier", by the way :).

Re: What's so funny?

[forgottenjester]

Lewis: Okay; Bud, Fritz, and Joe are brothers. Fritz is married to Petunia, and is she...? (makes hand-puppet gesture)
Wilbur: Cranky? Yes.
Lewis: Tallulah and Lazslo are their children, Joe is married to Billie, Lefty is the butler, Spike and Dimitri are twins, and I don't know who they're related to.
Wilbur: Neither do we. Go on.

It's from Meet the Robinsons and you can see the exchange here. The last thing Wilbur says here gets me every time.

Hannibal spoilers

[elaminator]

There are SO many morbidly hilarious moments in this show, but I have an extreme fondness for

Alana: (Quietly) "Where's Jack?"
Hannibal: (Whispers) "The pantry."

That scene was so terrifying and tense and yet that one line never fails to make me laugh because the delivery was superb. (Bedelia also had a ton of them in S3. She was burning Will left and right.)


Justified had a ton as well, but pretty much everything by Tim Gutterson is gold. (Also Boyd, but that's a given.)

Tim: "You're not going to try to go out the window or anything while I'm gone?"
Raylan: "No. Not right now, I'm beat. Plus you got your car here, even if I got a jump on you, you'd be right behind me."
Tim: "But you will eventually."
Raylan: "Eventually, yes."
Tim: "Yes, why would you do that?"
Raylan: "Well I gotta talk to some people... alone. So either you let me go or I'm gonna have to give you the slip."
Tim: "I love this shit, this shit makes me hard."
Raylan: "Well then we've both been warned."

also

Raylan Givens: "Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes."

Re: Hannibal spoilers

[belladonna_took]

Lol Justified needs its own book of wisdom or something. It's full of hilarious advice to live by.

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

"I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

"Surely you can't be serious."

"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

It's all in the delivery, but "Bitches, man." from Warm Bodies. It's so unexpected, both because it's a somber scene and because it's still a big deal to hear a corpse (aside from R) talking about something other than food, and the breathless, difficult way M says everything just adds to the absurdity.

Re: What's so funny?

[elaminator]

Oh, and the entirety of Portal and Portal 2.

GLaDOS: "You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown here]!"

GLaDOS: "Look at you, sailing through the air majestically like an eagle... piloting a blimp."

GLaDOS: "I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come, because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either, because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. "Shall not be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny too."

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

I occasionally tell a friend that he's a terrible person. "That's what it says, right here. We weren't even testing for that."

Re: What's so funny?

[diet_poison]

There's lots of random, awesome humor in Portal 1 and 2. Even when GLaDOS is being a terrible person sapient robot.

"Cake or death?"

[(Anonymous)]

"Cake please."
"Very well, give him cake."
"You, cake or death?"
"Uh, death please. No, no, Cake! Cake! Sorry."
"You said death first, ah-ah, death first."
"I meant cake."
"Oh, alright. You're lucky I'm Church of England."

Also - "This one's wet, and this one's wet, and this one's wet, this one is wet, this one is wet..."

Eddie Izzard is awesome.

Re: What's so funny?

[diet_poison]

ha, there are so many!

From a movie I watched a long time ago that I'm not really in any fandom for but which I nonetheless enjoyed (Outbreak): "General, with all due respect, fuck you, sir." That one stuck in my mind.

Re: What's so funny?

[(Anonymous)]

"The pig says, 'My wife is a slut'?"