[ SECRET POST #3189 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3189 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #455.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Third Wheel

[(Anonymous)]

How do you deal with always being the third wheel?

I have no interest in dating (ever) but I love going to see movies with my sister and/or friends. While I don't mind sometimes being the third wheel, it can be exhausting and makes me not want to go out as much.

Re: Third Wheel

[(Anonymous)]

This is my life right now. I don't have any answers, sorry, but I definitely feel you.

Re: Third Wheel

[(Anonymous)]

I am always the third wheel, so I feel ya! (Sort of made worse by the fact that I don't want to be, but whatever, different story for a different day.)

My advice is for the partners you like/will be in your life for the indefinite future (i.e. they have married your friend), really get to know them and make them your friend too. There are some couples in my life where I started out only knowing one, but their husband or wife is now an equally good friend. I think some of the awkwardness can come when you and your friend's partner are only hanging out because of the friend.

Of course, if it's a partner you hate or a casual fling, you can always specifically schedule time for just the friend alone. Make up some excuse about ~girl talk~ or whatever, or be upfront about it, whichever works.

Re: Third Wheel

[(Anonymous)]

http://www.boredpanda.com/third-wheel-selfies-three-years-earthyhillgivens/

Re: Third Wheel

[forgottenjester]

In my experience, if it exhausts you then either you or your friends are doing something wrong. I had something like that with a friend couple in high school. They were purposefully exclusionary and then when I reacted to it in a negative way they were overly inclusive in an obvious/uncomfortable way.

Now-a-days, different couple, I feel fine. They sometimes need them-time and maybe I'm over at the house too but the thing is that they're open about it. For example, one of them will get upset, the one who isn't will come up to me and tell me they need to talk to the other and figure out what's goin' down so can I stay in the kitchen a bit? Sure, no big. Tell me when the air is clear.

I think the biggest thing with these kinds of things is open communication and understanding with one another. The couple needs to recognize other people exist and the third wheel needs to understand that the couple may need to be exclusive for stuff sometimes. An honest and open dialogue can really help.

Re: Third Wheel

[caerbannog]

Ask for a one on one quality catch up bonding time without the partner coming along. Or a girls day out, assuming they're straight pairings.

Re: Third Wheel

[(Anonymous)]

I've never had this problem, so I don't know how helpful this is, but...

1) If my friends invite me someplace, I assume this is because they want to hang out with me, so I am not a third wheel.

2) Couples often have single friends and when I've been part of a couple, I still enjoy socializing with single friends and do not consider them a third wheel. If I did, I wouldn't hang out with them.

3) If I felt like I was constantly the outsider of my social group (and it wasn't just my insecurities talking, hint hint), I would put some serious effort into meeting more people and making more friends.

Re: Third Wheel

[belladonna_took]

Being the third wheel is my thing.

I embrace it.

I think I find it easier actually. I don't have anyone constantly looking to me for entertainment.

Re: Third Wheel

[(Anonymous)]

Try to get to know the other person, for all you know they might also be feeling like a third wheel. Try to get some one-on-one time with your friend on occasion.

I'm often a third wheel and it depends on how everyone responds to the situation as to how much I feel like a third wheel. For example, with my brother and his ex I definitely felt excluded, because they constantly talked about things and people I knew nothing about and they didn't try to bring me into the conversation at all. His current girlfriend does her best to fill me in on things and ask me about my life as well. Now it's more like we're three people hanging out and two of them happen to be a couple, when before it was really a couple and one other person.

Re: Third Wheel

[(Anonymous)]

This was my life in high school and university, except it happened to me twice with two good friends (both women, not a couple). Whenever the three of us would go out, the two of them would walk on ahead chatting while I trailed behind awkwardly. They both took an art class (I didn't) and they didn't think that I would feel excluded while they talked about it the entire time.

It happened again with two other friends, too. They were both into fashion and makeup (I wasn't) and used to walk on ahead chatting about it. Again, they didn't even notice that they were excluding me. It upset me because whenever we met separately, we would have the most epic conversations!

I tried following the conversation and commenting on what they were saying, but in both cases it was kind of viewed as an (unwanted?) interruption. I was upset (and hid it), of course, but I'm not sure how much of that was me being over-sensitive. I do think it's important to include someone if you've invited them along, but not everyone is good at "reading the air", I suppose.

I never found a way to deal with it, except to avoid meeting those friends in a group of 3. Nowadays, I don't see them so often (and never in a group, thankfully), so it's not too bad. If you're feeling like a third wheel and your attempts to get in on the conversation are failing, try to invite a fourth person along next time! Four wheels make a car, after all. :)