case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2015-10-08 06:31 pm

[ SECRET POST #3200 ]


⌈ Secret Post #3200 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 009 secrets from Secret Submission Post #457.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-08 11:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Which side should we err on? Attacking men to disable toxic masculinity or supporting men who're the victims of it? because those men are almost always the same men meaning it's not just a difficult balance to stike, it's a straight up impossible balance to strike. Infinite mercy cannot exist with infinite justice. Total compassion and total destruction can rarly work together. One must be sacrificed for the other at some point, so again I ask, which side do we err on?

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-08 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't think it's possible to draw a bright line distinction. I think that's broadly the rule of judgment in human affairs: to figure out the application of broad principles to specific instances & to sort out the inevitable conflicts between the various outcomes you want to achieve in any situation. So, I mean, yeah. I think it mostly comes down to good judgment.

i do think, you know, as a sort of rough guideline, i would say that mostly the time when you're supporting men is when in the context non-toxic emotional interactions with them, when you're talking to them in a reasonable, non-fraught conversation, when you have a real friendship, those kinds of moments - and that generally the time to attack toxic masculinity is when it is manifesting in a way that concretely and immediately harms people.

and, yeah, often these things play off against each other. again - society's a stone-cold motherfucker.

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-08 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
SA but i just realized i should elaborate something:

to me, toxic masculinity is fundamentally an underlying mindset - an ideological approach to the world, a certain understanding of reality and a set of emotional attitudes which exists even at the times when it is not actually being turned into actions. toxic masculinity is not just the set of toxic things that men do; it's the underlying pathology. and that pathology is mostly what i have in mind changing.

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-08 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Support the victims first. Always.

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-08 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Agreed, but I think we define the victim differently. Na btw

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-09 08:58 am (UTC)(link)
That'd be men, mostly. The suicide rates ALONE...

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-09 11:25 am (UTC)(link)
More women attempt suicide. More men succeed. Due to more violent methods. I wonder why. Far more women are killed by men than the other way round.

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-09 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
And more men are killed by men than women are. If you want to make this about counting corpses, and whichever gender has the biggest pile wins, I can tell you now you're going to lose by a lot. Mind you, I think that's a STUPID way to frame this issue, but it's what you seem to want.

Re: Toxic Masculinity

(Anonymous) 2015-10-09 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
More men are killed by men, yes, it's the MEN doing the killing. Toxic masculinity.
diet_poison: (Default)

Re: Toxic Masculinity

[personal profile] diet_poison 2015-10-09 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
we're not trying to destroy men. we're trying to destroy harmful societal structures.
insanenoodlyguy: (Default)

Re: Toxic Masculinity

[personal profile] insanenoodlyguy 2015-10-09 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
Avoid total anything and you've got a better chance of avoiding a toxic fate yourself.