[ SECRET POST #3220 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3220 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #460.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

05. http://i.imgur.com/3hHPFse.png

[(Anonymous)]

I can entirely understand why some people might side eye, but since it sounds like your teenage friend is mostly listening (and as long as you're not giving detailed playbacks of any sexual encounters) I'd say it's a win/win. You feel better, they feel useful.

At some point getting professional help might be an option to consider, though. Some people only have so much capacity as vomitoriums.

[ibbity]

She might well like helping you, but bear in mind that she's only 15 and may not be able to handle all your adult anxieties and stress as well as another adult would. You don't want to end up causing her emotional issues because she's taking on more of your issues than she can easily carry, and I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who was once in her position and suffered a fair bit of emotional problems because I wasn't mature enough to handle being someone's full-time online therapist.

[kallanda_lee]

I think that's sort of okay, as long as you keep in mind she is quite young. Keep an eye on it, and if she shows signs of not handling it well, do stop.

[(Anonymous)]

Makes sense to me. A lot of my online friends are about that much younger than I am, and I seem to be "younger" than my chronological age sometimes.

Having someone at a different stage of life or with different experiences can be helpful just to hear yourself try to explain something to someone else and realize something you missed.

And at this risk of being dogpiled: Teenagers can be more intelligent than adults in some ways. Granted, their brains are still growing, and they lack a lot of life experience. But they add new nerve cells very fast and may lack certain learned prejudices--so they can actually be relatively quick and flexible in their thinking.

I don't think teenagers are in general good counselors, but they can be good sounding boards.

[(Anonymous)]

I do the same thing to a guy I met playing GTA. I'm 31, he's just turned 18. He was 16 when we met.

[(Anonymous)]

It's not being a loser to vent to friends now and then. But I hope you're also seeing a therapist, OP. As awesome and understand as your friend is, she's 15 and she's not trained to handle problems like this. Even if she says she's cool with it, you're putting a lot of responsibility on her as your sounding board. You owe it to yourself to find someone who IS trained to deal with issues like depression so that your friend doesn't get burned out and so you give yourself the best chance of beating this.

[(Anonymous)]

One thing you might try. This is generally advice for people getting overwhelmed by someone needing them to ask for, but doing it proactively might help.

1. Have a set amount of vent time. 20 minutes, an hour, 800 words, whatever works for you. That's your vent time and it's when anxieties get vented.
2. Find topics other than your venting for the rest of the time.
3. Ask about your friend's life and do what you can to reciprocate based on ability.

You want to avoid a few things. You don't want to burn your friend out. You don't want to get in a cycle of "I feel like trash so I vent to my friend which is a trash thing to do which makes me feel even worse so I vent more..." And you don't want, if they ARE a friend, to cast them in the role of Helpy McHelperson where they define themselves as important because you neeeeeed them. This last one is unhealthy for everyone involved, sort of an emotional Munchhausen by proxy.

[(Anonymous)]

THIS. It's okay to rely on a friend for venting, but you need boundaries for both your sakes. Don't make your entire friendship a one-way emotional dump, because it's a really effective way to alienate a good friend. I don't mean to make you feel bad about this, OP, because it sounds like your friend is really nice and sympathetic. But you do want to make sure that you're taking care of their emotional needs in return for them caring about you.