fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3248 ]

[ SECRET POST #3248 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3248 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 030 secrets from Secret Submission Post #464.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
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Does anyone else get really uncomfortable when they hear about another guy being called a creep? Like, I know consciously they're not talking about me, but it puts me so much on edge. Like, what if I identify with something that guy said or did? What if I come across looking like him? What if I too am a creep?

I think about it a lot. Really, I worry about it all the time. Like, literally, all the time. It has really affected my thought processes and emotional outlook on a level below conscious thought.

But at the same time I think in a lot of ways, you know, the response is to try to find a way of relating to people that isn't implicated in that kind of thing. Which hopefully at least should be possible. It's not anyone else's responsibility.

A lot of the same actions are taken as creepy or romantic depending on whether one person thinks the other person is hot - see: erry romance novel ever - so unless it's totally outlandish things they're doing, I don't pay too much attention.

Basically when it comes down to this: when a woman calls someone a creep, it's short hand for "this person's behavior is making me fear for my safety".

So if you identify with something the guy did, then you're making someone fear for their safety, and perhaps you should try to alter your behavior to avoid that?

Not OP (first responder) but:

The problem for me is not that I do things that get identified as creepy. Rather, it's that I genuinely worry so much about being creepy that it makes it hard for me to express any romantic or sexual feelings at all, or, like, flirt, out of fear that it would be threatening or uncomfortable in that way. Historically, my solution has been to just not even try at all (for many reasons, but this is certainly one of them). This has its flaws as a solution.

Ah, yeah, I get that one.

I'm socially awkward so I get where you're coming from.

Only thing I can say is watch the behavior of people who are socially successful - which isn't the same thing as being popular - and try to imitate it, and be ready to back off at the first sign of discomfort. And remember women are socialized not to show discomfort, so you're going to have to pay attention. Assuming women are what you're into :p

...then don't be a creep? idk what to tell you dude. I don't get personally offended every time I hear someone call a woman a bitch

I do, but that's kinda not the same thing.

If you're worried about being a creep just do what My brother does. He won't interact with any woman unless there is a woman he knows and trusts there to keep him kosher.

Quite possibly, you are: at any rate, you are definitely coming off as a self-centered whiner. Try putting yourself in the shoes of those who are reacting to the behaviors you "identify" with, and honestly reflect on what might have made those behaviors objectionable to others. It's an exercise that might do you good.

As long as you back off when people are giving signs that they're not interested, you should be fine.

What kind of things do you relate to?

The fact is you can't control whether you're a creep or not. You're creepiness is decided by how the women around you feel about you, you just have to live with that. the fact that you want to take control over that shows that you might have some issues with letting women hold any kind of social power, which Ironically is one of the things likely to make women feel you're a creep.

What? That they don't want to act like a creep makes them a creep?

Wow you're an idiot.

I mean, your first sentence about just accepting that yeah you kind of have to live with the fact that maybe women will find you creepy through no fault of your own is a good point.

But WTF how does finding this bothersome make them "afraid of women having social power"? Everyone wants to be liked, and no one likes the idea of other people thinking badly of them or making wrong assumptions about them. That's just human nature.

Yes, and I'm a girl. I think the people who call guys creeps for the things I identify with don't believe it's possible for girls to do those things too, but if they knew about me, they'd call me a creep.

Like what?

Thinking girls are hot, having physical preferences for girls that slide in the direction of conventional attractiveness, thinking about girls when I masturbate.

Re: Creepshaming

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-26 00:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Creepshaming

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-26 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Creepshaming

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-26 01:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Creepshaming

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-26 02:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Creepshaming

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-26 10:36 (UTC) - Expand

Yes, and I'm a girl

Suuuure you are.

Wow... I think this is the first time I've been mistaken for a guy on the internet. I'm kind of surprised to realize it took this long.

Rad!fem, might I remind you that this is fandom!secrets? everyone's a girl by default, it's a guy you have to prove yourself to be.

I think the word is overused. I mean, according to tumblr you're basically a creep if you age/gender/social group is not suitable for liking a certain medium (according to them).

*L* This is so true. I know I'd be considered a 'creep' by many of the people on Tumblr (and really, social media in general) for still being in fandom at all at my age.

Seriously though, I often feel like the only reason I am not 'caught out' is the fact that being in fandom keeps me feeling young and acting young. It's a conundrum, yes?

Re: Creepshaming

kallanda_lee - 2015-11-26 12:59 (UTC) - Expand

Not really, because I don't do creepy things to other people.

not OP but don't be dense. There's objectively "creepy things" that one should not do. But life and human interaction is not black and white. Things can be misconstrued, taken the wrong way, blown out of proportion or unintentionally offend.

I roll my eyes whenever I hear people say this, especially if it's a guy. If creepy behavior is soooooooooooo hard to recognize for you, then yeah, I guess this must be a major source of anxiety. Time to assess your own behavior objectively, solicit the feedback of a trusted friend, etc. until you feel sure you aren't accidentally giving off skeevy vibes. But if you're reasonable self aware, then don't sweat it. If you're worried that oh noes what if I look at a girl and she thinks I'm a creep? You know what will happen then?

YOU WILL DIE AND YOUR LIFE WILL BE OVER.

Oh wait, no it won't. Even if she screams at you in public, your life will be just fine. Keep calm, identify it as a misunderstanding and apologize for the disturbance and back away. If you remain chill and she doesn't, you win. Society will side with you in a heartbeat, because they're all too willing to believe that woman are crazy hormonal bitches who off at the drop of a hat for no reason.

So chill. In the category of Shit I'm Scared Of, "creepshaming" should be right up there with "friendzoning" and the boogeyman.

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