fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3329 ]

[ SECRET POST #3329 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3329 ⌋

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Bisexual vegan and I continue to have some differing views on dog training and sustainability practices.

I am conflicted because she is pretty.

But I also do not want to feel judged in the future. :s

Have you talked openly about your differences on the subject? If so, how has she acted in regards to those disagreements?

I mildly disagreed with one opinion, because it was close to my heart, in an (annoyingly) awkward kind of way. She kind of agreed on my reasoning then continued on so I was a bit hmmmmmmmmm.

But not a long enough conversation to properly go on an opinion, I think.

You gotta talk to her about it if you think it could be something serious. At least then you'll know whether or not she's reasonable about it, right? And whether or not she'll judge you about it? Because it's not like the disagreements themselves are a dealbreaker - it's whether or not you would be able to agree to disagree on it. And you'll never ever figure that out without talking about it openly.

Maybe next meeting we will delve a bit deeper into our differing policies and see where each other stands.

*philosophies**

I don't really do relationships but idk. I don't really know anyone I agree with about everything ever. I don't think that's necessary.

If she doesn't respect that you have your own views or she keeps trying to change your mind after you've made your feelings clear, then I'd say you have a problem.

Too early to say. This was our...hmmm...4th meeting? They're casual meet ups too, not an okcupid thing, but since discovering she was bisexual I am all "hmmmm...." but I am also "I like being single...but...she is interesting and pretty hmmmmmm".

We shall see what the times bring, no rush, I'm probably being premptively judgemental (bad me)

Haha. You don't want to be judged, so you judged her first.

Solid strategy there. :P

I mean, she could be pretty chill and just have opinions, or she could be a crazy person who will slap the bacon out of your hands so you can't eat it and kidnap your dog because you don't pay for it to have acupuncture or whatever.

Either way, you won't know until you spend more time getting to know her and figuring out how you both feel.

I'm definitely an amateur strategist as I don't think I'm goin about it the right way ;)

There will definitely be hang outs again soon. If only because we both dislike some of the same people XD

Speaking as a bisexual vegetarian who is ....well, let's just say a fuck of a lot more moderate than most of the people who wear that sort of title...

My advice is to just hear her out completely and decide if there's enough commonality that you feel similarly about the core issues.

Using an example from my own life: I and my SO have differing views about sustainability (and meat eating), but I'm not fussed about her having them. I accommodate them, really, because they're complex issues with solutions that don't work the same way for everyone. And I'm aware that my views are not ultimately correct for every circumstance. Not everyone is equipped to stop eating meat. I appreciate that she will eat my cooking when she's home, and that she feels the same as I do about commercial farming practices and animal welfare issues.

We don't have to absolutely agree about the details to essentially be on the same page; asking her full opinion is also a good way to know how far the judgement goes, and if she's the kind of vegan who is going to go all MEAT IS MURDER on you or if she's a live and let live sort. I don't generally judge people who eat meat unless they're also the type of person who drives a gas guzzler, hunts for sport, and buys paper plates to throw in the garbage because they don't want to do dishes.

I'd also side-eye any vegan who claims to know "better" when it comes to animals, to be frank. Unless they are an animal behaviourist, and they've spent a significant amount of time in academia separating their feelings about animals from their ideas about how to interact with animals, I generally fear that that kind of person anthropomorphizes animals overmuch. That winds up being a bad scene for the animal in question, when the pet guardian isn't aware of basic behaviour and feels that something is "cruel" when in fact it's a natural social cue for an animal to respond to.

So, that's why you talk to her. You find out whether those problems are going to be problems. If they're not, great! If they are... well, maybe consider a more casual route.

So far so good I think, we're doing that gentle hovering around each other and scoping each other out kind of thing. Or at least I am, no idea what she is at and I'll get to that bridge when I reach it.

I'm crossing fingers she's the live and let live sort. For example, her dog is still eating meat and we had a discussion on which animals are more ethical to feed your pet (we both agreed kangaroos are pretty ethical for example, and we both agreed the vegan who wants to "free" their dog by letting it be offlead EVERYWHERE was an irresponsible idiot).

I brought vegan cupcakes to our hang out though, she liked them! They were very fluffy.

Well, I will keep my fingers crossed for you that when all the cards come out on the table they are not cards of firey death and sadness.

Eh. A pretty face isn't that rare. Someone you really click with and get along with is.

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[ SECRET POST #3329 ]

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