fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3335 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3335 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

(Red Dead Redemption, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)

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02. [repeat]

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03.

[Star Trek: The Next Generation]

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04.

[One Direction, "What Makes You Beautiful"]

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05.

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06.

[Hanayome wa Motodanshi]

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07.

[Driver: San Francisco, Jun and Ayumu]

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08.

[Naruto]

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09.

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10.

[Ash Ketchum/Professor Oak]

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11.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 070 secrets from Secret Submission Post #477.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If "dump him" and "talk to him" aren't available, what even is left?

I was hoping the remaining 10% of comments would have some suggestions.
Specifically I'd like to know if you can de-brainwash an MRA, but I'm open to other suggestions.

You're being defensive and rejecting other suggestions.

If you are viewing your boyfriend as brainwashed and wondering how you can fix him, that isn't healthy. My advice is let it fucking go.

I didn't think I was being defensive, but I apologise. Being called a radfem isn't nice so I probably did get defensive but I don't want to seem hostile about this.

The only other suggestion I got was "Talk to him" which I explained I already did, hence the shooting down.

Okay here's the thing about relationships though: The only way to solve problems is to talk about them. If talking once doesn't work, you keep talking about it until something is resolved. You can't just go "well we already talked about it so talking about it anymore is impossible" - you gotta keep talking. Nothing will be resolved otherwise.

Er, at this point I'm fairly certain you're trolling, but he doesn't sound like an MRA, and if the situation you're describing is real, you should split up. If you're not willing to, then instead of saying "yes sometimes awful shit happens to men too but I don't care because all women everywhere in aggregate are more important than you right now in front of me," maybe mention that a lot of MRA shit ignores actual issues men face as a result of often patriarchal bs, like "men don't cry/feel emotions aside from LUST and MANLY RAGE, only drink beer, and must be capable of going 4 rounds of bare-knuckle boxing with a grizzly or they're NOT REAL MEN grr." You say you don't want to hold his hand about this, but have that groundwork discussion where you acknowledge that prison rape of men is a thing. Domestic partner violence against men is a thing. Whatever it's called when people excuse female teachers preying on minor male students with "but he's so lucky, all boys want sex with older women," is a thing. These things hurt men and boys, often in ways that make it more likely that they will turn around and hurt other men and boys and certainly women and girls because strong men hurt people because they're strong and don't give a shit. "Women are taking our power by wanting 50% of the pie, they must already be really close or over that 50% because a woman got hired in the engineering department the other day what do you mean it's only 17% women, LIES!" is MRA bullshit. But "all men everywhere have it easy compared to all women everywhere" is reductionist and maybe not a great way to have an actual talk with your boyfriend.

See if you can find him sources for media that affirms men as a gender without all the toxicity of MRAs. It won't be easy because MRA stuff is so prevalent, but it seems like the best solution here.

Dr Nerdlove had a response to a girl dealing with the same issue affecting her brother.

C) Complain on the internet

[ SECRET POST #3335 ]

Re: Relationship Advice.

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