[ SECRET POST #3335 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3335 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.
(Red Dead Redemption, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)


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02. [repeat]


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03.
[Star Trek: The Next Generation]


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04.
[One Direction, "What Makes You Beautiful"]


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05.


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06.
[Hanayome wa Motodanshi]


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07.
[Driver: San Francisco, Jun and Ayumu]


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08.
[Naruto]


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09.


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10.
[Ash Ketchum/Professor Oak]


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11.

















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 070 secrets from Secret Submission Post #477.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

I know 90% of the responses are going to be "Dump the motherfucking asshole" but for I'll post to find out what the remaining 10% say.

So, my boyfriend, if left alone in his house for any length of time, will start watching MRA videos on youtube. He say's he knows they bad people and doesn't side with them over feminist, but he claims he like to hear other opinions. He won't watch them when I'm with him because I asked him not to and he knows I find it repugnant, but honestly the fact that he watches them at all really bothers me.

It's reached the point that when he's in his house alone, I come over so he won't be able to watch them. Which is ridiculous, I know. I'm a grown woman who apparently has to babysit her grown man boyfriend just to stop him absorbing horrendous ideas about gender equality. He's a good man in all other respects, but his instance on watching this vile toxic shit is not acceptable to me. So I will be ignoring the usual barrage of "Dump him" that people get whenever the open up about rl relationships, I will also mention that "Talk to him" is good advice, which I have already followed. He's agreed to not watch them around me, but there's no real way to say "Don't watch them at all" without coming off as the controlling shrew these videos will already have told him I am.

Any other suggestions?

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

what type of MRA videos?

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

I can only remember two: "Honey Badger Radio" and "Shoes on the Head".

I gave them a try but they're both absolutely moronic, and beyond degrading.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[herpymcderp]

Not that I agree with MRA shit, but...

How about instead of avoiding the topic, you actually engage with him like an adult and find out why he feels it necessary to keep watching these things? What's the real reason he wants to hear/see those opinions? You can't know while you're avoiding the subject.

Ostensibly this is someone you care about. And if you care about the whole person, surely you feel that their personal opinions and viewpoints are worth entertaining? If not, I'm afraid the "dump him" advice is the best option, because he probably deserves someone who does.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

I have engaged him on this. I thought that was made clear, but I guess not.

His general answer was that "Even tho they're absolute scum, he finds it reaffirming to hear about people, even scummy people, talking about him and his gender in a positive light." For which I feel I deserve a girlfriend of the century award for not openly laughing in his face. I do love him but the idea that a man needs to go to exclusively anti-woman people to be reaffirmed? That shows a weak mind already partially warped by troll mra logic.

Don't pin this on me. I am entertaining his opinions. I just don't agree with them.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

You sound like a crazy person. I hope he dumps you tbh.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[feotakahari]

If "dump him" and "talk to him" aren't available, what even is left?

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

I was hoping the remaining 10% of comments would have some suggestions.
Specifically I'd like to know if you can de-brainwash an MRA, but I'm open to other suggestions.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

C) Complain on the internet

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

judging by this story, you sound extremely creepy & controlling

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

She sounds abusive.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

Agreed.

Based on everything I've seen here, she sounds like a scumbag.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you for real?

your boyfriend goes "I want to treat everyone equally by hearing everybody's side of the argument and giving them a fair shot, no matter how much I agree or disagree"

and you're all NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

You can't control what he does. He's already agreed to respect you by not watching them in your presence. You are entitled to be bothered by that, but not entitled to force him to never watch them. You don't mention that his video-watching is trickling into your relationship and souring his general views of women, or that he's treating you badly because of it.

If the worst thing from this is that the mere thought of him watching the shitty videos bugs the hell out of you, then I'd say you're pretty lucky.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

are you for real

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

he needs an excuse to watch them because he knows they're not "correct", but still enjoys watching them because he wants to feel victimized as man.

there's a certain comfort in pitying yourself, especially if you don't suffer the disadvantage of actual discimination.

I'm assuming he's a manbaby and your babysitter reaction is an innate dynamic of your relationship, or he's resentful of you anyway.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

lol stop replying to your own thread. It's over.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

If my boyfriend watched honey badger radio, I'd have already dumped him. that shit is toxic.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

Sound like you need to dump him, but he's not the motherfucking asshole in this relationship.

You don't get to dictate what he watches and if you can neither handle a relationship where yu don't have that control nor accept him as he is, cut him loose for both your sakes.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you sure he's not doing it to just laugh at the manbabies?

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't have a boyfriend. He doesn't exist. This entire thread is a lie.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

How about point him in the direction of stuff like The Good Men Project (http://goodmenproject.com/) or other websites that encourage positive masculinity?

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

That's really unnerving. Watch his behavior and see if it changes over time, especially toward you. I don't think you have to monitor him, but if this stuff starts affecting him irl, especially your relationship, you may have to re-think things. It's kind of bad that he seems so intent on watching them for such a long period of time. I can see watching one or two just to see what the other opinions actually are, but multiple viewings, like he's fascinated?

Alternately, you could ask him what he likes about them and what he thinks about their ideology. Like, just listen to him talk openly with you about it and then you'll know whether it is innocuous or something he is personally invested in.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not going to suggest you dump him, and as you've said, you've already made it clear how much you dislike these videos and he's agreed not to watch them while you're around. My suggestion is to let it go. You're right, you can't tell your boyfriend to stop watching them without sounding like a controlling shrew. What if you were a huge Star Trek fan but your boyfriend hated Star Trek, so you agreed that you'd only watch ST when he's not around. Would it be fair for him to ask you not to watch it at all? Of course not. Because that would make him a controlling asshole. You get to decide what to do with your spare time, just like he gets to decide what to do with his spare time. You do not get to dictate each other's hobbies and interests.

I fully understand why you'd be cautious about your BF absorbing such toxic MRA bullshit. I agree that it's a bad idea to watch these videos and that your BF is probably full of it when he spins it as "he likes to hear other opinions". I absolutely thing there is something he's getting from these videos that he enjoys, but clearly he can't or won't admit it to himself and/or you.

But there is nothing you can do to control this.

What you can do is be watchful of his behavior. Does the MRA bullshit come out in how he behaves? Do you find that he's parroting those toxic ideas or misogyny? If so, address the behavior, not the videos. The behavior is what affects you. If he's not showing any signs of devolving into a total turdmuffin, then I'd let it go. For now. But I'd consider this a red flag. You don't have to ditch a relationship at the first red flag, but it's important to recognize them for what they are if/when they turn up.

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

nah, i think he just watched them for the lulz. or might be like 'what's going on' kinda news. just hope he doesn't began to take these views without consideration.....?

Re: Relationship Advice.

[(Anonymous)]

no, I'd dump him