fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3346 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3346 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

(Donald Trump / Milo Yiannopoulos)

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02.

[Pathologic]

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03.

[Legends of Tomorrow]

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04.

[Tom Hiddleston in Crimson Peak]

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05.

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06.

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07.

(How to be a Serial Killer)

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08.

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09.

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10.

[Pretty Little Liars]

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11.

[Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]

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12.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 032 secrets from Secret Submission Post #478.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

OP

I've tried similar things in the past, but I can't help but feel like it's really arrogant to think that way, and I always end up going back to this:

Theoretically both or neither of those things may be true

And think about how I'm just deluding myself and they're right, and I'm wrong, and then I feel awful all over again.

I'm hopeless. I probably need therapy or something, but I feel like that'd just cause even more issues, because then I'd get "asexuality isn't real" and they'd try to "cure" me, which I feel like would just make the whole thing worse.

I really just don't know what to do.

Maybe try a sexologist. Most of them are up to speed on asexuality and won't try to convince you to try something just because they thing it's a normal thing for a person to do.

The actual truth of the matter is that nobody cares as much about your sex life as you think they do unless they are actively interested in a)having sex with you or b)seeing that you procreate. You're worrying about this much, much more than the situation actually warrants.

Maybe. Thanks for the recommendation.

seeing that you procreate

That's the main thing. I'm not worried too much about people being interested in having sex with me because I can always turn them down, but getting shit from my parents about grandkids is definitely an issue. I don't want kids and am pretty sure I wouldn't even if I weren't asexual (I know there are asexual people who DO want kids so I don't think the two things are necessarily related) and feel like I'm disappointing my parents because of it. I've told them I don't want kids (but not about the asexual thing obviously) and they say they're okay with it, but then when I'm at some family event or party or something and one of my mom's friends is around and mentions their grandkids, she always says "I'll never have grandkids" in a sad voice and looks at me, and then her friends give me crap about it, too.

You're worrying about this much, much more than the situation actually warrants.

The story of my fucking life. I feel like I do nothing BUT worry, and probably 99% of it is stuff that will never happen.

I guess I probably just need therapy in general even outside of the sexuality stuff.

Your mom's allowed to grieve not having grandkids, but it's kind of shitty of her to pull the guilt trip on you publicly and then let her friends get on you too.

DA

No, she isn't. People aren't entitled to grandkids.

Yes she is. She's not allowed to demand grandkids, but she's absolutely allowed to be sad that she'll never have them if it was something she eventually hoped for. That's not unreasonable.

lmao wut

Where did I say she was entitled to grandkids? I said she was allowed to grieve over not having any. This doesn't mean doing it publicly, or doing so in the form of obnoxious guilt trips. People have a right to their feelings, and it's just as shitty to dictate someone's grief as it is to dictate someone's life choices.

I guess I probably just need therapy in general even outside of the sexuality stuff

That might be true, but the first thing to do is concentrate on the immediate, tangible thing that's bothering you and see where that leaves you. It seems to me that you really need someplace to talk about this where you'll be able to gain some perspective from people who have already been through it.

I'm not really up to date on my asexuality resources (I've never had a reason to be), but there are quite a few websites and forums that may be able to help you along your personal journey if you are feeling trapped and misunderstood. If a therapist is not an option then at least you should be talking to someone who has lived your experience. I suggest finding a forum or support group with an atmosphere you like and feel comfortable in. Ask for input there or resources in your area.

Here is a good place to start: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Asexual_sites

I'm sorry I can't personally be of more help to you, but hopefully that will lead you to someone who can provide a bit more perspective than me. :)

Not OP but I thought you didn't believe asexuality existed? At least I seem to remember you telling someone that in the past, but maybe I'm getting you mixed up with someone else.

No? What!? NO. I absolutely believe asexuality (and aromance) is a real thing.

I think you may be misremembering. I'm almost certain I've commented that I didn't think demisexuality deserves to be called a sexuality (since it applies to 98% of people to some degree or another- really it's like saying that only being attracted to people who have the capacity to be attracted to you in return is a "sexuality"... but I digress).

Asexuality though? It has the potential for a neurological basis, certainly. That alone is enough for me to believe it is an orientation rather than a disorder or a simple hormone imbalance.

OP

Thank you. I haven't gone to AVEN since way back at the beginning when I was first starting to think I might be asexual, but it sounds like I need to give it another look, and see if I could find a group or something. I think it would definitely help to talk to people who understand.

I can't help but feel like it's really arrogant to think that way,

Isn't it equally arrogant to assume that everyone in the world absolutely must be paired up, because people not paired up are completely miserable and anyone who thinks otherwise is "just deluding" themselves?

Live your life the way you want. Anybody who isn't already sleeping in your bed doesn't get to tell you what (or who) you ought to be doing.

OP

Isn't it equally arrogant to assume that everyone in the world absolutely must be paired up, because people not paired up are completely miserable and anyone who thinks otherwise is "just deluding" themselves?

I think it is, but my opinion doesn't matter as much as theirs because theirs is the "normal" one and mine isn't.

Live your life the way you want. Anybody who isn't already sleeping in your bed doesn't get to tell you what (or who) you ought to be doing.

Logically I know that, but I've always felt like that "rule" (guideline? whatever you want to call it) only applies to other people and not me.

Or at least these things are what I've always thought, but it sounds like I really need to start placing more importance on my own opinions and less on other people's. That's not easy for me but I guess I just need to try harder at it.

Thank you.

[ SECRET POST #3346 ]

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