fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3360 ]

[ SECRET POST #3360 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3360 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Niche]

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03.

[Rush Hour 1, 2, 3]

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04.

["The Bride Was A Boy" manga]

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05.

[J.K. Rowling]

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06.

[Pretty Little Liars]

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07.

[Twin Peaks]

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08.

[The Walking Dead/The Flash]

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09.

(GIRLS)

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10.

[The Grinder]

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11.

[Pokemon]

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12.

[Lord of the Rings]

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13.

[Babylon 5, Tolkien, Star Wars, Harry Potter]

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14.

[Star Wars: The Force Awakens]

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15.

[Pete Seeger]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 032 secrets from Secret Submission Post #480.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm worried that my depression is changing me on a fundamental level, Making me not just less pleasant to be around as a symptom, but actually changing me and making my personality from someone my girlfriend once loved to the hateful horrible shit she's stuck with now. I was always hoping that the hateful horrible shit version of me was just a sympton that would go away when I got better. Now I'm not so sure. Can depression ruin a person beyond the scope of the actual depression?

That's your depression talking. And it's not actually changing you, it's affecting the way you see things. Like putting on a pair of tinted glasses.

I understand that idea, but it is changing me. I know it, I can see it. It's been point out by objective parties. I don't mind that. I know it's a symptom. I hope I'll change back, but what if it's a symptom like gangrene is a symptom of an infected wound, you still lose the leg.

It's not. The end.

^^^

Yes, but it doesn't have to. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectic Behavioral Therapy are two very good and OUTCOME-BASED therapies that may help. The point is tracking how you actually act, not just vaguely trying to alter your internal state.

I read an encouraging thing in a sense from a book about depression and CBT. That if someone thinks their depression is hopeless, it is just a symptom of the depression and actually means the opposite. It is a symptom; the issue itself can be cured. The problem of depression is that it makes you THINK things are hopeless. So you can't trust those feelings because they will lie to you...i.e. symptoms. (Sorry if I'm not explaining this well!)

OP isn't talking about hopelessness, though. They're talking about changes in how they relate to the people around them. You are not talking about the same problem they are.

OP here. I think I see the connection they're making, about how the things that seem fixed in when you're depressed only look that way because you're depressed. Losing hope is the example, but it applies just as well for the other lies depression tells you.

Thing is I'm not sure I do believe that everything that happens to you in depression is a matter of perspective and believing the lies. I think there might be some real... physiological? Neurological? some actual literal measurable changes, and I don't know if they can be fixed.

Well, depression does fuck with your brain, so probably some neurological fuckery, but brains are pretty plastic. If depression taught you nasty shit, you (maybe with the help of some therapy) can learn ways to counter it. CBT does seem pretty effective.

possibly. but it can also give you merit. once you know how your brain can fuck you up you'll be much more sympathetic with others.

Can it ruin you? I can't answer that. Can it end up as a big factor in how you die? Well that I really believe that it can.

My dad got depressed after his back surgery and his wife leaving him, got severely depressed to the point of not eating and then not being able to walk without assistance, then choking on food and dining from pneumonia. Did the depression kill him? No. Was it a factor? Yes. My mother has Alzheimer's. I really believe that depression was a big factor in the development of the disease. She lost her job, broke her back [lesson is to not break you back], her mother died, and eventually, dementia develops and takes over.

Your body changes all the time. It adopts to everything every day, it's how we learn new things and new information. You can choose for the most part the changes. You can learn the changes, put it in a third person view.

Just don't break your back.

Depression can't ruin you. What it can do is drag you down, whisper lies, and convince you to do things to cut yourself off from the people who love you. It can convince you to walk into a cage and to then keep yourself in it.

This thing that you're thinking and feeling is part of the lie. It's part of how the depression sustains itself. Depression is kind of like a parasite, in that it feeds off of those who have it and will fight to retain its hold. Hard as it may seem, you've got to fight back.

When you're able to get free of the cage, you'll see that your hope was correct, and that it really is just a symptom.

I think so. But then, I've been depressed for something like 20 years now, so you probably should not listen to what I say.

What scares me when I think about it (I try not to think about it) is... I don't know who the real me is anymore. Am I the depressed person, or did there used to be someone else who hasn't been heard from in decades, someone who had hopes and dreams, and I've killed her? I don't know which is scarier.

I don't care if I've killed the happy me. I care if I've killed the boy my girlfriend loved.

You sound like me except gender-swapped. :(

I don't think my ex wants anything to do with me now. I was a little shit and I know depression contributed to that though it doesn't excuse it. I've changed a lot for the better on the long road to recovery, and am in a much better place now, which is what leads me to believe you can too! But it was too late to save that relationship. I want a chance to apologize to him, but I wouldn't blame him for never wanting to give me the time of day. :/

I'm in the same situation and I'm so, so sorry for my boyfriend. But the thing is I was depressed before, and I don't see it as it 'changing" me so much as 'bringing other aspects of me to the front'. The unfortunate thing is that most of the people i know now (including bf) see the undepressed me as the "real' me, but frankly that's not true either - I'm both, and the depressed version is no less me than the other.

I think, to answer your question - I don't think it can ruin you, but unfortunately, I do think it can ruin your relationship and I don't have the answer, either. Just be honest with your girlfriend.

You're not ruined, and it's possible to go back, in part, to who you were before - but fact is experience changes you, some for the good, some for the bad.

Edited 2016-03-17 11:35 (UTC)

If it's untreated, yeah. And I'm not saying this to scare you, but as someone who's been there. If you're not getting the proper support, medication(s), rest, therapy, food, sleep, etc., then depression can definitely ruin your life. However, when it is treated, the less desirable qualities you mention do shrink the more and more healthy you become.

Does your girlfriend actually consider you a hateful, horrible shit? I doubt it. That's something the depression has convinced you of: a symptom. Depression causes terrible paranoia and self-loathing. I've been there. I somehow got better at dealing with that, and it started to affect me in other ways.

It's a shitty disease. Talk with your girlfriend and believe her when she reassures you, if you can.

Yes, it has ruined me in the past and is now ruining me again.

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[ SECRET POST #3360 ]

Do you think depression can ruin you?

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