fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3365 ]

[ SECRET POST #3365 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3365 ⌋

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ヽ(　･∀･)ﾉ

Personally, just a preference for me. It's the same to me as liking the fantasy genre really.

(I'm gay or bi and never dated if that makes a difference.)

For me personally, it is just a preference, not really a big part of my identity. For others I couldn't say.

Edit: Right I'm bisexual and dating someone of the same gender as me.

Edit 2: I am one of those people who are fortunate enough that the people around me never changed their behaviour after finding out I am bisexual. And except the amount we joke about our sexualities in my school's Gaming Society, which comes from the fact that me (president) is bisexual, my vice president is Ace, my PR person is Lesbian and my Graphics guy is bisexual. Then again the fact that we are 6 people who run the group and only one is male that also gets some jokes (by us). Where was I? Oh right, the fact that I am dating a girl is never an issue except when new people find out and go "oh you are lesbian?" and I correct them to "nope bisexual," and then we go on with our lives. All that rambling amounts to the fact that no I don't really consider my sexuality a big part of my identity.

Edited (I will stop updating this post now. ) 2016-03-21 23:49 (UTC)

I'd say it is preference for me, being bi. But then again, I grew up in a super conservative area and only recently accepted that I was bi. So it is all still sort of new to me.

I mean "preference" isn't the right word. It implies that I *could* be attracted to anyone but prefer men - and since I've never been attracted to women that's not quite right. Identity also isn't the right word for me. It's always been a non-issue since I'm straight, and even if I were inclined to make a big deal out of it, it wouldn't sit well with me because I've never experienced any discrimination for it.

It just sort of is, I guess? It's just a part of my wiring, that's all.

depends on the person. I know a lot of LGBT people (or whatever the acronym is now; I keep seeing like five different ones) who are very active in the community and consider their sexuality to be a large part of their identity. personally, I identify as a lesbian but consider that to be a fairly small part of my actual identity. It's just a preference to me

In theory, who you fuck is a preference and who you fall in love with is an identity. In practice, that's a lot blurrier in countries where who you fuck can get you arrested.

See, like.......the fact that I personally find ladies to be more attractive, sexually, than dudes, that's preference.

But...what about the fact that while I have many close and wonderful friendships with men, I could never imagine quite having the kind of closeness necessary to date with one? Or my discomfort, growing up, with some of the things that were expected of me and other girls just because we were girls? What about the bond I have with other queer people? Or my love for my fiancé, and the family we intend to have together? Those things are part of my identity.

See, I'm personally really wary of the idea that being gay is just a sexual preference, as it reduces being gay(or bi or a lesbian etc) to just something that happens behind closed doors, which is one step away from just a dirty sexual perversion.

For me, it's a preference.

Other people take this and try to turn it into something I am, making it into an identity regardless of what I say.

I don't know about "identity" - that's just a strange word to me. But it's definitely more than a preference for me. Like, it feels really immediate and natural - i really can't imagine feeling differently about it. It doesn't feel like it's just a random preference like enjoying cauliflower but not eggplant. It goes deep.

But I imagine others feel differently.

I don't think it's an identity in and of itself, but it shapes a person's identity in such a way that I don't think it can be divorced from it. Who you're attracted to influences the kind of relationships you're able to and expect to have; the social circles that you gravitate toward; the degree to which you're able to be overt with your affections; the spaces that you're more likely to occupy...

I don't think it's enough to call it a preference.

In general I think it depends.

Idk if it falls into one of those categories for me though? I don't think preference is a strong enough word, but idk if identity is right either.

I'm a lesbian, for context.

Both. Like when asked to describe myself and really dig up who I am as a person, lesbian probably won't make the list. But hanging out with other lesbians is like 'yes, i've found my people.' They get me because I am one of them. And the fact that people will assume I'm straight does bother me.

Here's the thing about sexuality: it isn't a thing until it is. It's very easy to say it doesn't matter if it's not something you have to openly be. Does that make sense?

So when I was with a dude bisexuality was just a 'preference' or orientation (I think that's what you really mean, OP?). The reasons for that are complicated. It felt a bit weird to be all "AND ALSO GIRLS!" when I was in a relationship with a guy. Why talk about who else you'd be interested in? I was also with a person who very openly wanted things to never be things--made fun of people who care about identity, that sort of thing--so I wanted to be cool. It wasn't supposed to matter so I made it not matter. And guys like that. I think a lot of bisexuals find themselves in situations where their orientations are more or less fetish fodder for their opposite sex partners and you like to make people happy so you go with it.

But that started to change a bit when I was single again. Suddenly all the girls who insisted on wearing yoga tights that outline their entire behind (why do that? why?) weren't just background scenery. Also, you know, I could date.

I'm with a girl now. She's absolutely wonderful. But suddenly I have to worry about things. She asked me to rein in pda a little--I've never had to worry about that, considering it'd been only guys before. Suddenly I'm feeling this as a thing rather than what I'm into, because now it's something I actively have to deal with.

But it's complicated. I'm an academic who's terrified of telling anyone on campus. I'm not worried about friends really-they're fine, and they'll know soon. It's academe. If they figure out I'm not straight and I'm working on a women's history project... suddenly I'm a Queer Academic! And I don't want this to be an Identity thing when it comes to my writing. I've read very little theory because that's just not how I work. I'm going to be the person being told I haven't read enough queer theory to talk about my own experiences. That is lame. I'm probably afraid of nothing but waiting until after your dissertation defense to come out is kind of a hilarious situation.

Both.

At various points in my life--including before my self-realization--straight people have gone out of their way to make it clear that I am, in their eyes, a fucking fag. So in certain areas in my life, I draw this line. If you can't support how I love, how I write, and how I worship then you're going to have a secondary place in my life.

Edited 2016-03-22 00:59 (UTC)

IMO it depends on how each individual defines identity. If a large part of your interests is influenced by your sexual preference, then I don't see the harm in it being your identity as well.

It feels like preference to me rather than identity. I'm bi or pan, but even that feels like too strong a word; I don't care that much. That said, if someone makes their sexuality a cornerstone of their identity, I'm not gonna sneer at them. People consider different facets of their selves and personalities important, and it's not like it hurts me any. Gatekeepers bother me, though.

I feel that, for me, it's just preference, but I wonder if that would be different if I was not straight, and therefore not part of the majority.

Of the two options given, I'd say identity - preference implies that it's a choice, and that I could decide not to be a lesbian if I got tired of being contrary.

I generally consider it an orientation, though. It forms a part of my identity, but it's only a part. There are a lot of other things I'd name in a synopsis of who I am before I'd get to sexuality (if I even did; it depends strongly on context).

hmmm... being sexual is part of my identity. I'm pretty aware and vocal about sexuality and sex and the like. But who I'm into only plays a role identity wise when I recount my journey from butch to witch.

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[ SECRET POST #3365 ]

Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

It's both.

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?

Re: Do you consider sexuality just a sexual preference or an identity?