fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3372 ]

[ SECRET POST #3372 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3372 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 093 secrets from Secret Submission Post #482.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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You try to offer advice and suggestions to fix the problem, and you're belittling her problem and not being comforting but instead trying to steam roll her.

You shut the fuck up and offer physical comfort like a quiet hug, and she want's you to say something.

You offer encouraging phrased like "It'll be alright" and "There there" and other sympathetic noises, and she needs you to be more involved and give her more direct support.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!

Fuck it, next time I'm gonna take a leaf out of Kryten's book and do the Heimlich maneuver.

Ice cream.

(Red Dwarf reference! \0/)

Ice cream DOES work with me.

Ice cream. Noted.

How should it be applied?

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

kallanda_lee - 2016-03-28 23:08 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-28 23:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-28 23:12 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-28 23:18 (UTC) - Expand

yeah, ice cream works for me

If you find out, tell me. I have no idea how to comfort crying people. I try the "there, there" shoulder pat approach.

I don't think this is a very sincere thread.

That said, my general advice is to listen, to put more emphasis on validating the problem rather than solving it or reassuring her about it, and then to go from there.

Idk man not much different than dealing with people generally.

this is a good response though. People want to feel like it's ok for them to be upset and like people are there for them, and some people really dislike it when others try to fix it while they're really emotional.

Leaving me alone is usually the best for me. I just get more upset if someone's hovering around.

Why don't you just leave someone alone if they're upset? Why bother them or make them talk to you on top of everything else?

And why specifically women?

Mostly bc men tend to not want anyone to see them when they cry.

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-28 23:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

diet_poison - 2016-03-28 23:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-29 03:37 (UTC) - Expand

Because all crying women are the same, amirite?

Seriously, you're over-thinking this. Maybe if the things you're trying aren't working, you're just not good at them and should stop? Or maybe she's just not that into you, brah? Maybe she's just sick of the sound of your voice? Maybe you're the reason she's crying?

And for my next question, I have some very pointed inquiries into the various driving styles of different ethnic groups. Then in to airplane food.

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-28 23:17 (UTC) - Expand

I usually go and find someone else. I never know what to do or say (that's appropriate, since deflecting with humour is apparently not appropriate).

How does one comfort crying men? I don't know how to comfort crying anybody.

It's different for everyone. A dude friend of mine told me once that he had to comfort a girl whose boyfriend had just broken up with her and he just hugged her and was with her until she felt better (his other dude friends where furious because he didn't try to score with her lololol assholes). Or maybe just listening works too. Sometimes I want to rant my little heart out.

Is this about women (plural) or a particular woman?

If it's about a particular woman, you should talk to her about this, preferably when she's not upset.

If it's women in general, take a deep breath and say out loud five times, WOMEN ARE NOT A MONOLITH, and remember that any individual you get close to regardless of gender is likely to be different than the last.

My advice would be to find a girl who isn't impossible to please.

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-29 03:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-29 11:34 (UTC) - Expand

so brah i totally saw this chick who was crying and she wouldn't shut up no matter how much i hugged her and offered unsolicited advice and grunted at her

how do i make her pain all about me??????

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-29 01:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-29 07:14 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-29 07:58 (UTC) - Expand

Why don't you just ask them how they prefer to be comforted?

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women?

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-29 01:52 (UTC) - Expand

*points and laughs at OP* Haha! Everyone's assuming you're some creepo who goes out of his way to find random crying women.

Haaaaaaaaaaaa.

Re: How the fuck do you comfort crying women? ( yep, trigger)....

(Anonymous) - 2016-03-29 07:06 (UTC) - Expand

Stop treating it like "comforting crying women", and start treating it like "comforting this specific friend or family member who is upset". Like any other form of human interaction, what clicks for one person won't necessarily click for any other specific individual.

Were all those reactions in one crying session? If not, here is my suggestion:

Step 1: Hug and offer silent comfort.
Step 2: After the sobbing has subsided somewhat, ask, "Do you want to talk about it?"

If they reply "No," return to Step 1.
If they reply "Yes," be prepared to just listen, asking just enough leading questions to draw them out. (This is "Share my Pain" mode.)

Optional Step 3: If at any time the question, "What am I going to do?" is asked, you can take that as a possible invitation to offer some gentle suggestions. (Known as "Problem solving mode.") Do not overwhelm the crier with suggestions; lay down one at a time. If the suggestions aren't being well received, just stop.

Also keep in mind that many people feel embarassed about breaking down. They fear you'll think of them as weak, see them as undesirable, irrational, etc. If it's someone you care about, keep in mind that the best thing you can do in this is be a soft, light blankie for them; non-restrictive, washable comfort.

Edited 2016-03-29 01:41 (UTC)

Punch in them in the gut. Real hard too, like you're punching the big goddamn bear that's eying you for breakfast. None of that wimpy ass shit or ohhh no I couldn't possibly punch a girl.

Afterwords, you can give a couple of the those "there theres" because whatever transpired between you two, you'll really mean it.

It's almost as if women are individual people and not a mindless monolith who all think and feel the same things so you're forced to tailor your interactions with them as if they have minds of their own, eh? Well, I'll give you a clue about what doesn't work... making their sadness all about you is a non starter.

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