[ SECRET POST #3414 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3414 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The Property of Hate Webcomic]
















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #488.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[philstar22]

I think people like what they like, and it is okay to like maledom. But there is a certain culture that looks down on femdom. Definitely in published erotica femdom books are harder to get published even though there are plenty of fans.

[diet_poison]

I'd say mainstream culture looks down on femdom. People say shit like "all women just want to be dominated by a strong, confident man". It's so creepy. It's ok to like maledom in het pairings, but society is bent on women being naturally submissive and men being naturally dominant and as a woman who is not very submissive* it sticks in my craw. Like, I exist, yo.

*haven't had much sexual experience, or any if you want to define it really strictly, but from what I have experience I think I'm sort of a switch? But when I imagine a sexual situation with a guy I tend to think of myself as being in the lead and more in control, that excites me more in general. I have to really really trust a guy before I'm interested in letting him be more dominant, and part of what I like about the idea of men being dominant with me is that I tend to go for guys who are very not-dominant in public so I guess the idea of them expressing desire really strongly with me, enough to really go for it, is a turn on, especially if I egg them into it. TL;DR I think I'm kind of a switch but generally more dominant.

[philstar22]

Oh, I absolutely agree. I consider myself vanilla dominant I guess. I'm not into hardcore kink, but I do prefer the idea of being in charge and most of my fantasies lean that way. And the idea of being submissive is a big no to me.

I've found that I can relate to the dominant in a fic no matter who is in what role, so I'm okay with reading all types. But I do wish there was more femdom. I've been mostly reading slash lately, though, and it is nice to read stuff where men are in both the roles.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm pretty much "vanilla dominant" too. I like being the one running the fuck, getting the reaction out of my partner.

I've played with bondage and impact toys before, when a partner enjoyed it, but it's not really what gets me off.

[philstar22]

Bondage I do enjoy. Pain play not so much apart from spanking. What gets me, though, is trust. Someone trusting me enough to run the show in the bedroom. Trusting me to give both of us what we need. That's what I want. I don't need control anywhere else. But I'm not into giving up control in the bedroom at all. Nothing turns me off faster.

[(Anonymous)]

Not to mention, people get put down for not fitting the "correct" roles. Men who like being submissive are obviously weak, perverted, and not "real men." Dominant women are fine if it's a really stereotypical dominatrix fantasy that's more about the woman looking sexy in some leather outfit, but I've seen quite a few comments that women who don't like being submissive are delusional submissives who don't know what they want and pretty much any fictional woman who likes being dominant is abusive and hates men.

[diet_poison]

Yeah. It really grinds my gears to see people give people shit for violating these roles and tout traditional roles as the inherent and unchangeable nature of humans. It always makes me feel really defensive because it's like they think I'm abnormal, or need to be fixed, or don't know myself as well as some random ~alpha male~ on the internet knows me.

[(Anonymous)]

The femdom romance fiction I've seen is all pretty much about super gruff hairy manly men who surprisingly turn out to be sexually submissive. These books are pretty few and far between, though.

The "sexy dominatrix" think is definitely from male-oriented porn and really ultimately about servicing male desire.

[diet_poison]

see and that sucks for me because "hairy manly men" are super duper not my type.

[(Anonymous)]

Lets not forget that the stereotypical dominatrix is almost always secretly desperate for the right dom man who can tame her and allow her softer submissive side to come out. *cough CSI cough*

A friend really likes femdom and I get to hear the angry rants every time they start get another story that claims to be femdom and is all -

Woman: I am dominant and you must submit!
Man: Ok, we can try it, but... you don't really seem into it.
*really unenthusiastic sex scene*
Man: Yeah. No. Why don't we try me in charge this time?
Woman: You might be on to something!
*enthusiastic sex scene with screaming multiple orgasms*
Woman: Wow, you were right! That was much better!

[diet_poison]

is it just me or is there an underlying theme of "putting women in their place" going on? :/

[(Anonymous)]

Agreed. There's constantly the assumption in every relationship that the guy has to be taking the lead. It took me a while to sort of, come into my own as a dominant because like, as a chick, you get used to being bossed around. But it really, really was unpleasant for me.

While we're divulging, personally, I can't disengage roleplay submission from being actually disrespected, and in the handful of times I've tried that stuff, I end up crying my eyes out after. Even if it's someone I trust, I always get the skeevies from it. I especially hate being physically dominated via show of strength. It makes me legitimately scared of assault. But being dominant makes me feel comfortable and safe. I'm also a bit of a sadist, and I am definitely aroused by other people's pain. Idk, you could probably armchair psychologist all night about this, but I like what I like.

The one "submissive" fantasy I have is a gangbang, but like, I guess I don't see it as a submissive thing, more like a whole bunch of guys just being *that desperate* to fuck me, sort of helpless in the face of their own desire.

[diet_poison]

I don't even think of it so much in terms of hardcore BDSM - just overall sexual/physical dynamics in a relationship. Switching roles is appealing to me, with trust, desire, and a desire to please running both ways. But a guy who wants to always be dominant? Nope, nope, nope, not interested. An that's society's narrative on a "real man".