Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2016-05-09 06:34 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2016-05-09 06:34 pm
[ SECRET POST #3414 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3414 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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[The Property of Hate Webcomic]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #488.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Work-related Confessions
(Anonymous) 2016-05-10 12:49 am (UTC)(link)I work 40 hours a week at a job that has maaaaaybe 2 hours of actual work each week. I make little projects for myself to fill the time, but only spend about, oh, 5 hours a week on them. The rest of the time, I surf the internet.
My supervisor is the most micromanaging, inflexibly-thinking, condescending person I've ever worked for. I can't stand her, but since we have to share a tiny office, I do my best to be polite and pleasant with her. This is surprisingly exhausting, and so even though my job is embarrassingly easy, I come home from work each night so tired I don't feel like doing anything but vegging out on the couch until it's time for bed.
Last summer, we got a new hire in another department, and I've befriended him and we've spent a lot of time together, always eat lunch together, etc. (He also has a shitty supervisor, and we have similar taste in books and movies, so we've bonded over that.) But lately, he complains and complains so much about his job, and he never listens to any of the advice he asks me for, and I want to dial back the amount of time I spend with him but can't see a way of doing it that won't hurt his feelings and burn a bridge between us.
I've realized that I play the same role at work that I did in my dysfunctional family growing up -- I'm the Peacemaker, the Ambassador, the Soother. People come to my office to vent all the time. I'm often in the awkward position of having Person A drop in to talk shit about Person B, and then later Person B comes by to bitch about Person A, while I just listen and commiserate with both, because both A and B are annoying in their own ways. I don't know how to change that without alienating everyone, though.
I mean, how do you say, "Hey, guess what? I want all of y'all to leave me out of your gossip chain, stop coming to me for sympathy, stop using me as a comfort blanket, (to my supervisor) stop spending 30 minutes giving me instructions in the most infantilizing way possible when one sentence will do...[etc.]?
Also, I hate finding myself in friendship dynamics where people talk to me all about themselves, but never ask me any questions about myself, cut me off when I speak for more than 2 sentences at a time, cut me off while I'm giving them the sympathy they're looking for, and just basically treating me like a sounding board.
Like, that coworker I mentioned above will come into my office unannounced and start bitching about the latest thing his supervisor has done, and when I say, "Wow, that's awful, she can't even admit that she doesn't know how to make widgets the right way?" [or whatever], he'll actually cut me off by saying, "Yeah yeah yeah, ok, moving on!" WTF!
This weekend I actually practiced saying, "Don't cut me off like that! Next time you feel like venting at my face without wanting my response, just call my phone and leave a voicemail. I won't listen to it, you'll get everything off your chest, and I won't have my work interrupted for nothing. Now excuse me while I get back to work."
Re: Work-related Confessions
And I get you - I'm the poster child for not wanting to ever burn bridges - but maybe you can practice something something firm but non-confrontational. Like, "Hey, hold on. I know that this situation is really crappy, but I think we're just making ourselves even more miserable by harping on it. Let's do five minutes of complaining each and then move on to happier topics. We can't let them win by making us unhappy *all the time*." Or even a simpler, "You know what? I've decided to stop obsessing about them. Let's talk about Another Subject instead." I know it's way easier said/typed than done. :( Good luck.
Re: Work-related Confessions
(Anonymous) 2016-05-10 08:40 am (UTC)(link)"But lately, he complains and complains so much about his job, and he never listens to any of the advice he asks me for..."
Is he really asking you explicitly for your advice, or is he looking for someone to vent to? Do yourself a favor and limit your responses to brief, "That sounds tough" and "Sorry to hear that". Or throw in a "What do you think you'll do about it?" If he presses you for advice, decline to give any.
The response you're practicing is good in spirit, but honestly, it's too long. If your problem is that your co-worker interrupts you, chances are they're not going to listen to a long explanation like that. Again, keep it short. "Sorry to hear that [name], but I'm busy and can't talk right now." Then put your head and down and work and ignore the co-worker.
It's only natural for you to want to fight back after you've been imposed upon, but you've been peoples' agony aunt for a long time. Take it in baby steps! Step one is depriving them of the bottomless well of sympathy you provide. That's why you keep your responses short. That's also why YOU cut THEM off. You have a ready made excuse: you're both supposed to be working, and you don't have time for this. Practice your "Sorry, can't talk now!" and your acting skills on faking being busy.