[ SECRET POST #3435 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3435 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #491.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

i do hate it when for example, a character has a terrible parent, who shows up in their lives again, they HAVEN'T CHANGED but everyone pressures the main character to forgive the parent because "ITS YOUR MOM/DAD" you HAVE to.
no.
you don't. you don't have to forgive your abuser and let them back into your life even if they gave birth to you and it's a stinky moral.

[(Anonymous)]

This +infinity

It's such a horrible message to send to people who've been abused, yet it's so prevalent that I know a lot of people in real life who parrot that same message. "You can't cut off your mom! She's your MOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!"

[(Anonymous)]

Even worse: "But you have to forgive her. You only get one mom!"

To which my response is "oh thank GOD. I don't think I could handle two of that bitch."

[(Anonymous)]

augh also IRL a lot of times they HAVE tried to forgive their mom or dad before, and they just hurt them over and over.forgiving someone doesnt magically make everything good.
even that line "forgive them so YOU can heal!" isn't always true, sometimes what makes you heal is just getting FAR AWAY and surrounding yourself with good people.

[(Anonymous)]

This. When I told a friend of mine that I wanted my abusive dad to die, she scoffed and said "uh, you're going to hell, he's your dad, you should forgive him". She doesn't even know the extent of the abuse, yet she still had the nerve to spout that shit because that rhetoric is so heavily ingrained in society.

[(Anonymous)]

augh im so sorry, you don't deserve that crap >:[

[(Anonymous)]

This so much.

Especially when it comes from other relative who eventually cut you off because they see your lack of forgiveness as worse than the abuse, so you wind up with no family whatsoever over it.

[diet_poison]

Some people are willing to accept one person's pain for the sake of family unity. Like they think a person should just suck it up and deal with being in pain so everyone else can have a (false) sense of peace. I think it's a really shitty attitude :/

(I also think that's separate from the "forgiveness" concept but forgiveness is a personal decision that others shouldn't be trying to control anyway)

[(Anonymous)]

This.

There's an episode of Bob's Burgers that I hate because it shows that Bob's established a healthy boundary with his abusive dad ("When he says something cruel, I walk away and he no longer gets my company") and the entire episode is how that's wrong and he needs to forgive his dad and endure the abuse because deep down his dad really loves him?

It's also why I kind of never forgave Rose Tyler and never liked her as a character. A woman finally gets the courage to leave her abusive husband and protect her son and herself from him, and she tells them they should forgive him and take him back because SHE MISSES HER DEAD DADDAH AND SHE WOULD TAKE HIM BAAAACK!!!!

[(Anonymous)]

Well, "to forgive" literally just means "to stop feeling resentful about or desiring punishment for a shitty thing someone did."

It sure as hell does not mean "to endure abuse" and really ought not to be conflated with that. The two are vastly different things.

[(Anonymous)]

Then you are fortunate enough to have not been raised in a toxic household. Count your blessings, and quit being a high and mighty douchebag to people who obviously weren't so lucky.

[(Anonymous)]

Toxicity seems to be catching.

[(Anonymous)]

Or possibly hereditary.

[(Anonymous)]

Consider yourself lucky that you've never had a relative or significant other so vile that you cannot help but wish they just die so they can stop being a constant fear that will come back and ruin your life at any moment, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

auugh yes i hated that episode of BB it made me very uncomfortable, and a few of my friends who love the show but have abusive parents were pretty sad about that ep.

[diet_poison]

oh man that is really sad. :/