[ SECRET POST #3435 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3435 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #491.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

Why can't you understand that people were not all raised with the same definition of forgiveness you have?

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

It's not the definition "I" have. It's THE definition. There is no other definition.

If someone claims it means "acceptance" or "denying any offense occurred" or "acting as if nothing happened" they are lying about what forgiveness means.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

Or they were raised in an environment where that is what forgiveness meant. Why can't you accept that and quit acting as if people are being willfully stupid because they were raised in toxic-as-fuck environments where words have entirely different meanings than they do in Sane People Land?

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Why are they using the wrong definition of forgiveness when they know it's wrong?

Now if they were griping about how their toxic environments led them to wrongly believe that forgiveness also meant "pretend their abuser did nothing wrong, remain friends with/in contact with their abuser, minimizing their abuser's offenses, and not protest when their abuser did it again" and how shitty TV shows act as if that is in fact the definition of forgiveness and it's a good thing, I would get it. But that's not how people are using it.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

Because those kinds of lessons and patterns are very, very difficult to unlearn. Even if you know that definition is wrong, that is still the association you were taught with the word from a very young age. You can't just turn that shit off like a switch.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

And it does not matter what the dictionary says when everyone you have ever known in your life does not follow that definition, and you had another one drilled into your head from before you even learned how to talk.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

I understand what the official definition is. And it would be nice if all households taught the official definition.

However, some households teach that warped version of forgiveness, where the act becomes an invitation for the offending party to resume their offending behavior, and the relationship must be maintained.

It ain't pretty, and it ain't right, but as someone who grew up in such a household, I can say it's the goddamned truth.

I get what you are trying to say, believe me. If you cannot accept that there are people who grew up in a toxic setting where the warped definition of forgiveness was the only one they knew, then fine. But please stop getting so riled up over people getting the definition wrong. It's not helpful, and it's not the way to reach people.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

Good god, thank you.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

DA

You still don't "forgive" someone if they haven't done anything wrong.
If a person does that repeatedly to another, it's a gaslighting attempt, or they're delusional.
Forgiveness only exists if there is some wrongdoing that NEEDS forgiving.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

Well no. But for me growing up, the definition of forgiveness was "that thing I was mad about before is no longer a problem and has no bearing on our future relationship, so please feel free to do it again."

It's toxic as hell, but that's how I was raised. And why I now have a policy to never forgive, ever.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

Well, do you at least think that it's fucked up and likely to negatively affect your adult relationships if you don't do something about it?

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

It's toxic as hell

Reading comprehension. Learn you some.

Yes, it has affected my adult relationships, for the better. I do not forgive, ever, and as a result I have far fewer toxic as fuck people in my life.

No, I don't have to "do something about it" because a concern troll on the internet wants to win an argument.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT, just kinda fascinated that this is the way someone would choose to live. You're acknowledging that your behavior is dysfunctional and denying it in the same breath by affirming that it is a productive way to be. But you do you. Sounds like your family did a real number on you.

Re: WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT "FORGIVENESS" MEANS

[(Anonymous)]

I figure it's a lot safer to just not leave that door open after seeing the bullshit that comes through it when I have in the past. I have absolutely no use for people who do me willful, intentional harm and then expect me to maintain any sort of contact with them.

Fuck that noise. Life is way too short to put up with people like that.