[ SECRET POST #3435 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3435 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #491.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

It's really quite dangerous when people conflate forgiveness with enduring abuse, or denying that you were wronged.

Forgiveness is only for your own personal sake - YOU decide to no longer waste time feeling resentful or seeking vengeance. It has nothing to do with putting up with current or future abuse/wrongs, or acting like past abuse/wrongs did not happen.

Now, you can say some people don't deserve forgiveness because not punishing them is very harmful (to them, to their victims, to society, whatever). But it's really not the same as saying "they don't deserve my acceptance/friendship."

[(Anonymous)]

It's really quite dangerous when people conflate forgiveness with enduring abuse, or denying that you were wronged.

That doesn't stop anyone from having been raised with exactly that conflation. I came to associate "I forgive you" with "whatever you did that I was mad about before is now acceptable." Because that's exactly what it meant in my house, in my school, in my church, literally everywhere.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. Though I was thinking about fictional works more, the manipulative logical fallacy abusers and moral simpletons perpetuate goes from:

Forgiveness = Ceasing to feel resentment and/or seek vengeance

Ceasing to feel resentment and/or seek vengeance = A Good Thing

Ergo,

Forgiveness = A Good Thing


which is corrupted into:

Ceasing to feel resentment and/or seek vengeance = also, saying that the person did nothing wrong and accepting that behavior from them

Ergo,

saying that the person did nothing wrong and accepting that behavior from them = A Good Thing

Ironically, the corrupted definition of forgiveness usually doesn't even require ceasing to feel resentment, which is the key to the original definition (i.e., vengeance usually accomplishes nothing and resentment is a crappy and draining emotion that drags you down and doesn't stop the shitty person, so why not try to get rid of them for you own personal happiness?), and is pretty much limited to just "put up and shut up."

[(Anonymous)]

It's really quite dangerous when people conflate forgiveness with enduring abuse, or denying that you were wronged.

Which is why it's really irresponsible for today's media to push this definition of forgiveness, yet that's exactly what they do. Part of it is the limits of the genre. They can't show Character A forgiving Character B but deciding Character B is no longer going to be part of his life when they're part of a six person ensemble cast. Unfortunately that doesn't make the resulting moral less toxic.

On one show I watch, a character did a variety of really horrible things to the rest of the cast. Several of the characters then decided they wanted nothing to do with this character because they didn't trust her not to hurt them again. They were unambiguously portrayed as being utterly wrong for not "forgiving".

[(Anonymous)]

Forgiveness is only for your own personal sake - YOU decide to no longer waste time feeling resentful or seeking vengeance

I don't see why wanting a toxic person that you cannot shake off due to fear of them flipping out and killing you or finding a way to take your money/pension (because marriage) to fuck off and die is such a terrible thing. I don't stew away over my abuser 24/7, but when he calls or pops up, I do find myself thinking "you have cirrhosis, literally no one on earth wants anything to do with you, why haven't you dropped dead already?".