[ SECRET POST #3455 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3455 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.










Notes:

Early because places to go!

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 66 secrets from Secret Submission Post #494.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: How do you deal with less open-minded family members?

[(Anonymous)]

Well see... you think she needs to be challenged on this ideas, but you've already tried that. How's it working out for you? My guess is "not well", because here you are, wondering if there's a different tactic you can take. There is, but you may not like it: recognize that you can't force people to change their minds, even if their opinions are shitty and horrible. You just can't control other peoples' behavior. You can't.

What you can do is control your own. The most effective approach I've seen in situations like yours is that people refuse to engage. Don't argue. You can disagree, and you can say so, of course. "You know I disagree", or "You know I don't feel that way and I think it's rude", etc. Then REFUSE TO DISCUSS IT FURTHER. Do not argue about how right your opinions are or how wrong your mother's opinions are, because as you already know, that doesn't work.

Are you out to your mother? One tactic you can use is to say, "I find that very hurtful" and then LEAVE. Don't flounce, don't make a big melodramatic thing out of it. Just leave. Make it clear that your mother saying nasty things about gay people is hurtful to you, and that you cannot be around her if she's going to talk like that. Practice saying, "I have to go now, Mom. Love you, bye!" while walking out the door and say it over and over again. Affirm that you love her, but that you won't stick around to hear her shitty opinions, and then do this EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

I can't emphasize how important consistency is here. You're teaching your mother that there's a price for voicing ugly, hurtful things, and the price is your presence. Not your love! Your presence. She can exercise her first amendment rights on her own, they don't entitle her to a captive audience. If she's willing to play nice, her reward is her presence and a stronger relationship with her child.

Re: How do you deal with less open-minded family members?

[(Anonymous)]

This is a good post and you should feel good. This is the mature, adult way to handle being at odds with people that you disagree with.