fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3465 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3465 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Spinal Tap (scene is from the movie 'This Is Spinal Tap’)]

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03.

[Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston]

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04.

(Gravity Falls, Pinecest)

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05.

[Spyro The Dragon (1st gen), Zinda Blake aka Lady Blackhawk, Ev Crawford aka Starling]

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06.

[Parks and Rec]

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07.

[Shadowhunters]

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08.

[Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress]

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09.

[Teen Wolf]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 18 secrets from Secret Submission Post #495.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It sounds like you are (quite literally) moving people to the friendzone. Hell, you are throwing them into the familyzone.

I don't necessarily find that a bad thing. Couples that get married are family.

Okay. So they are not romantic partners? They are just people you love.

No, it's definitely a romantic relationship. It just happens to be between two asexuals who don't have sex. I'm a little confused why this is so confusing to people.

Do you make out?

No?

How are you romantically involved?? How is this not a friendship? Hell, if you are repulsed by them, that isn't even friendship.

By two parties who have agreed to be romantically involved with each other? We talk a lot, we're open about feelings, there's mental and social and emotional intimacy and romance and trust, just not sex.

I'm not repulsed by them, anyway. I'm repulsed by the idea of having sex with them. They're also quite happy to not have sex with me, so it works out for both of us really.

I mean, if your definition of romance and love necessarily includes sex, then to be romantic with you, that would be necessary. I don't think it's fair for you to judge a relationship between two people you don't know as not real or no romantic when the people actually in the relationship are saying it is.

DA

What you said. To me, what makes a relationship romantic, or what makes it different than friendship is defined by the people in the relationship. To a lot of people it seems to be that friendship+sex=romance, but since friends with benefits are a thing, that equation doesn't work for me. Personally, there's no specific behavior, or set of behaviors, I can point to and say "that's romance." It depends on the specific people involved, but I do feel like *in general* asexuals probably have a different definition of romance than people who aren't asexual.

OP

I'm all for AIRT saying "this is not what would count as a romance with me." That's totally up to them as one part of their relationship to define what their romance needs to contain. I totally respect that and obviously I would say I'm incapable of having a romance with AIRT.

Saying "your relationship doesn't count because it doesn't fit my definition of what romance is," though, isn't very cool.

ayrt

Yeah, I'm agreeing with you.

Saying "your relationship doesn't count because it doesn't fit my definition of what romance is," though, isn't very cool.

Definitely not.

Are spouses not family? They're romance and family at the same time, I thought that was the whole idea.

Usually people see a difference between siblings and spouses.

Yes... so do I. I was pointing out that assuming family = siblings by using Jaime Lannister is not accurate.

totally different anon

Wait, so a Game of Thrones reference automatically implies they're talking about dating your siblings? I thought it was just "ah" as in now she understands where you're coming from, and it had nothing to do with the picture itself.

Well... it's the Game of Thrones character that is romantic and sexually attracted to his sister, so I think the implication there is obvious.

ayrt

I...guess, I just didn't read that much into it at first, especially since no one specifically mentioned being romantically interested in your siblings at first (getting that from saying spouses=family is kind of reaching, IMO). When people post things like that my first thought tends to be that they just picked something because the text was what they wanted to say, regardless of the context of the image.

Maybe that's just me, though. *shrug*

getting that from saying spouses=family is kind of reaching, IMO

idk I thought that was the point the original anon who said "familyzoned" was making? like "this is beyond just being friends, you're acting like family/siblings".

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2016-06-30 01:55 (UTC) - Expand

I'm agreeing with you!

And being kind of insulting and dismissive, but I suppose you are. Have a nice day, I guess? I've tried a few times to respond, but don't think you're really continuing this conversation in good faith. I don't know what issue you have with me.

Dude I have zero issue with you. But I can see you can't handle jokes right now so I'll stop. I hope you found some good info in here.

It's not about "handling jokes," it's just tough to tell who's just joking and who's not in a thread with people in it armchair diagnosing you with commitment issues for not having sex, assuming you're the bad guy in the relationship for not having sex, and outright declaring they don't understand you at all.

Fraysexual was an interesting term, at least. If not exactly accurate. And I don't consider the phenomenon I'm describing to be A Sexuality or anything.

Okay. Listen: you left out some critical information for starters. If you'd simply mentioned that you were asexual in the first post we'd realize that you weren't asking why you didn't want to have sex with these people. Your initial posts looked like you wanted to and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working.

Also:

assuming you're the bad guy in the relationship for not having sex

I have not seen a single person imply this.

Edited 2016-06-30 01:42 (UTC)

Yes? That's why I said in the post that I should have said that up front. I wasn't expecting everyone to jump on it and act like I was awful. It didn't seem to help much anyway, since people are still insisting I'm just friends with everyone. :\

Is having commitment issues, or being the person dating someone they've "shoved into the friendzone" not being the bad guy in the relationship?

chardmonster - 2016-06-30 01:55 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2016-06-30 01:59 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2016-06-30 02:04 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2016-06-30 02:06 (UTC) - Expand

Okay, let me rephrase this.

chardmonster - 2016-06-30 02:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Okay, let me rephrase this.

(Anonymous) - 2016-06-30 02:27 (UTC) - Expand