fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3491 ]

[ SECRET POST #3491 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3491 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02. [repeat]

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03.

[A Game of Thrones, Lyanna Mormont]

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04.

[Taylor Swift]

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05.

[Spongebob Squarepants]

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06.

[old French politics, RPS]

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07.

[Sherlock Holmes, "The Final Problem”]

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08.

(Camille Bordey and Richard Poole, Death in Paradise)

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09.

[Futurama]

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10.

[Bill Skarsgård at Pennywise in the new remake of It]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #499.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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If you're a 32 year old virgin, and you finally go on a date, when do you bring up that up?

Also, will guys really "love" that I'm a virgin? I've been told they will, but I can also find a guy who's had a lot of girlfriends and/or been married finding that squicky.

I kind of think guys who are actively looking for an extramarital sexual relationship in their 30s would be more likely to want someone who's not a virgin (just statistically) - the "omg she's a VIRGIN" thing always makes me think of guys who are much, much younger. And if they treat your virginity as either a) a some kind of weakness or b) some kind of special unicorn state that must be worshiped I'd say run away anyway.

I don't think you necessarily need to bring it up unless it comes up (i.e. the conversation goes in that direction or you two start to get physical) but not being in your situation I can't say for sure. Might also depend on why you're a virgin and what you're specifically seeking.

Edited 2016-07-25 23:20 (UTC)

don't tell him on the first date, or even on the first few dates.
when it comes up you can say that you don't have that much experience, but a) it's not that relevant at first if you're looking for romance (only if he's very into a sex-related life style like kinks), b) if he likes you for the first few dates, he'll be invested enough already. it's okay.

When I was a virgin the only time I mentioned the fact was when we were already naked and he was on top of me.

Why would the question come up on the first date? Just keep it to yourself until it's too late for him to back out.

I didn't mention it until after, tbh.

Yeah, I might bring it up if we were about to fuck in a vague, "I don't have much experience with this, FYI, let me know if I'm doing it wrong..." sort of way, but I don't think I'd need to lead first date conversations with it for sure.

You don't even have to say that. Just curl close to him and follow his lead. You'll be alright. :)

Ahaha that made me imagine a sitcom scenario where the clueless girl hides the fact that she's a total virgin until they're naked in bed then the guy is like wtf you too!? What now

Drink until you're both too wasted to remember the night when the sun rises. Then you can go on a madcap adventure to retrace your steps and discover what mayhem your alcoholism led to!

I dunno, I'm a (cis female) 33 year old virgin, and if I was about to fuck some guy and he panicked because we were both virgins, I'd, well, I guess I'd feel kind of weird because I wasn't particularly ignorant about the mechanics of sex after I was six or seven. My parents had an old copy of either the Masters and Johnson sexuality study or something that cribbed a lot from it, there were bad photocopies from the kama sutra and diagrams of refraction times and it basically made sex seem kind of boring and clinical, but I'd probably ask the guy a few questions because shock at being faced with another virgin would weird me out more than his lack of experience.

Ye... ah thats why I said clueless to specify the type of virgin

AYRT--I guess I just have a hard time imagining a pair of adult virgins where both are clueless outside of situations where it would be sad or depressing, like if they both came from very religious conservative families and were super sheltered, like the perennial joke where a couple who've been married awhile go to a fertility clinic because they haven't conceived despite an active sex life and it turns out the guy's been fucking the wrong hole the whole time. Like, yeah, it's funny as a one-off joke, but what were their lives like that they were so ignorant. If it's a pair of teen virgins who have no clue, that's still sad that they didn't have decent sex ed, but once they're out from under their parents' control, they at least can learn.

You should probably avoid comedy

I don't avoid all comedy, but a lot of cringe comedy just makes me want to curl up in an anxious ball and roll away.

When you're planning on having sex tbh. And I don't think you should present it as a shameful thing when you do (even if you are insecure about it.).

I don't know the answer to the second one, though even if a guy doesn't "love" it I see no reason to be squicked by it? I can see feeling pressure to make it good maybe, but not truly squicked.

Some guys will be glad you're a virgin, some won't care, some will feel like it puts a certain kind of pressure on them to be super-amazing so you have a good first time. Guys vary a lot.

You don't bring it up until it's clear that sexual intimacy is in your near future, IMO. Definitely don't bring it up on the first date, and frankly, I'd be highly skeeved by any guy who "loves" the fact that you're a virgin.

Bring it up only when the relationship gets to that point, if you want to.

As for if they will "love" that you're a virgin, it all depends on the guy. Some guys like it, others run for the hills. If he runs, he wasn't worth the time, anyway.

(I lost my virginity to a friend who offered when he found me crying after being rejected by someone I'd finally gotten up the guts to ask to be my first time partner (His exact quote was: "I don't fuck virgins."). Come to find out, it was for the absolute best. My friend was great and it was a really fun, pleasurable experience. The guy I first asked? We wouldn't have been sexually compatible at all.)

You will find guys who "love" that you're a virgin. You should fucking avoid them. There's a decent chance they don't see you as their equal.

Note: being okay with it and supportive is not "loving" it. I'm talking about dudes who fetishize it.

This is actually oddly relevant to my life, cause I'm just a few weeks into my first sexual relationship right now! (I'm 28)

I told him basically during the conversation that took us from "we clearly like each other" to a relationship. His reaction was to ask very gently if there was a reason (especially, like, a bad one) that stopped me from having sex in the past, and when I said no, I WANT sex, I've just been awkward and shy and there were a couple of times when it could have happened but something went wrong; he said "well, that's kinda good, cause I like you a lot and I kinda wanted to go slow with you." (I know, he's super romantic.) Since then we actually haven't done THE Sex yet but we're working up to it, we've done a lot of other sexual stuff, I'm getting comfortable and he's fine with the speed of progression (cause we're still getting a lot of action! That next step is coming REAL real soon to be honest and he definitely makes everything about this feel smooth and easy for me).

I know not every guy is the same, but it does not seem anywhere near impossible that your partner would be cool and casual about it. I also know for a fact that a couple of my friends the same age as me have also not done it yet, and I know you're older, but just barely. If your guy's not an asshole it should be fine, cause truly, it's not the big deal I think we all fear it is. He'll get to show you something new. He'll probably just be excited to do so.

(As to your first question I'd bring it up when sex becomes a factor. If that's on a first date, if it's when you have a Relationship talk, whenever you feel like sex is now on the table. Until that point, no need to even worry about it)

idk how many guys would find it squicky, just potentially kind of awkward. But, to "love" that you're a virgin should send up red flags imo. As a dude in that rough age-range, if someone is that invested in your sexual history it's kind of odd.

Personally i wouldn't bring it up unless they specifically asked. It's not really a first date topic. Assuming you know the mechanics of it all, just saying you aren't very experienced should be enough.

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[ SECRET POST #3491 ]

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