fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3518 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3518 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Star Trek: Voyager]

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03.

[Voltron]

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04.

[Up the Women]

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05.

[Digimon Adventure 02]

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06.

[Assassin's Creed: Syndicate]

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07.

[The Sims]

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08.

[The X-Files]

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09.

[Letterkenny, Stewart/Katy]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 49 secrets from Secret Submission Post #503.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, but just because someone feels upset and hurt, it doesn't follow that the other person did anything wrong. And tbh, when people say "YOU OWE ME AN EXPLANATION, I NEED CLOSURE!" I always suspect that what they really want is an opportunity to argue or guilt the person who's leaving out of their decision. Or, failing that, a chance to get in some zingers of their own.

Yep, this. Sometimes I feel like people are arguing in good faith that they need closure and they believe that talking about it some more or having the other person stay will give it to them. But I don't think that's the case. Once someone's decided to break up with you and go no-contact, the time for talking is over. It just is, whether you want it to be or not. And for some people, there is NO explanation that will be good enough for breaking up. You don't want to make the mistake of feeling like you need to come up with a legitimate reason not to be with someone because "I don't want to be with you" is plenty good enough of a reason.

You don't want to make the mistake of feeling like you need to come up with a legitimate reason not to be with someone because "I don't want to be with you" is plenty good enough of a reason.

Genuine question. Do people really just wake up in the morning and decide they no longer love someone who they loved the day before, and not for any specific reason? This is so foreign an idea to me as to be really puzzling and a little frightening.

And do people who do that, if so, get into relationships in the future? I really really do not think the kind of person who is prone to that kind of sudden emotional change is cut out for commitment. It is not fair to the other person in the equation.

Are you projecting or something? Neither I nor OP claimed that anyone "owes" us an explanation.

Actually I'm pretty sure you're projecting given your last couple of sentences. I'm sorry that (apparently) happened to you. It doesn't make our situations any less legit though.

Actually, I'm pretty sure you like to throw around words like "projection" to make yourself sound more psychologically aware, when you have no idea what you're talking about. "Projection" is not drawing the conclusion--based on your observations of other people's behavior in the past and your recollections of the motives from which it sprang--that someone's present behavior springs from the same motives. Projection is attributing your own unacceptable emotions to others--like accusing someone you envy of being jealous of you.

And maybe you have never said in so many words that you're "owed" an explanation, but when you evidently want one, and call someone all kinds of names for not providing one, it's pretty clear that you think you're entitled to one.

So if "projection" isn't the right word, what is the right word for "you clearly seem to have experiences and are assigning motives to me based on the experiences you've had with other people"? Honest question, because I'm not trained in psychology (nor am I trying to pretend to be...) and I want to make sure I'm being clear. But you are still doing it, even with this comment, drawing conclusions about my motives and actions based on what I can only assume are your past experiences with other people because you have no evidence on which to base your claims about my behavior.

For example, I also never claimed to call people names for not being willing to provide an explanation for sudden changes of heart. You put that in yourself. Why?

[ SECRET POST #3518 ]

Re: Things you want to tell people but can't

Re: Things you want to tell people but can't

Re: Things you want to tell people but can't

Re: Things you want to tell people but can't

Re: Things you want to tell people but can't

Re: Things you want to tell people but can't