fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3521 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3521 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[World of Warcraft: Legion]

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(Fallout 4)

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[Doctor Who - 12/Clara]

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(The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

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[Bojack Horseman]

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[Criminal Minds]

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[Elite: Dangerous]

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[Street Fighter]

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Family being rude. Must be a day that ends in y.

What this time? (If you want to talk about it)

They're trying to get me to fly up to another state to babysit for free so they can go on a boat to get drunk with some other rich people. Even ignoring the fact that I can't travel and I'm pretty much on bed rest, they have "made arrangements" for someone to carry me up and down the stairs of their house. Their nearly 70 year old neighbour. Don't worry, I'm assured that he's quite strong for his age.

My eyes are rolling so hard they're going to fall out of my head.

I don't know what planet they come from, but I don't think we experience the same reality.

Let me guess: they expect you to pay for your own plane ticket. And your own food and any other expenses.

I can't fathom that kind of gall.

Ding ding ding. We have a winner!

It gets better too. They heard I'm applying for disability support, so they've graciously offered for me to move in so I can "be with family". I don't have to pay rent. Just give them my government money.

All of it, because I won't need anything if I'm living with them.

And mind the kids. You know, just until they graduate high school. In about 9 years.

To be fair, it is just the one family member that's driving the crazy bus. The others want me there as a buffer for all the crazy so they can have some peace.

So they all want to use you in some way or other. Nice.

Huh. I just realised I don't think of the rest of them using me as a buffer in a negative way.
I would be up there letting them do it if I wasn't sick.

Well, that's a generous sentiment on your part--but at the same time, the stress of dealing with that kind of batshittery takes a toll on people--even if they're like my dad, who is Mr. Cool even when my mom is particularly wifty and nasty. So it sounds like your "good" relatives are happy to let you absorb that stress instead of them.

A serious question: do any of these people ever do anything for you--and I mean, do anything that is actually of use to you, and that you have requested, rather than horning in and giving you "help" whose only purpose is to make them feel good about themselves?

The answer to your question is no. To be fair, I think one or two of them would try. They're not well-equipped to being in that role of providing help or support though. If I wanted marijuana for pain relief? Sure. If I need someone to help me bury a body? Yes. Picking me up from the hospital because I can't be alone after a procedure? They'd flake, or try to leave me with a random "totally trustworthy" person. I know because it already happened. Not the body thing.

I try not to think about it too much. If I were to impose any kind of rule about only interacting with people who treated me well, I wouldn't have a family anymore. Even a small, shitty one. I love the kids though, and I wish I could do more for them.

I'm sorry, I know people are very quick to say "cut 'em off!" around here in response to any imperfect family dynamic. And I don't mean that you should do that. It's just...I'm floored at the selfishness and cluelessness you're having to deal with, and it's sad that even the "good" members of your family think it's okay to use you as a buffer as they do, without offering anything in exchange.

Thanks for taking the time to respond.
Family is always complicated I guess. I don't think we've ever been a particularly functional one. Who knows why. I think in part the reason they're so comfortable asking things from me is that I like to help people and I don't like to ask for help. In hindsight it hasn't made for the best relationship dynamics.
I think the best option is trying to stick to the boundaries I set and let them be part of my life on my terms. So far it's not going well, but I've got time.

Maybe all y'all should distance yourself from the crazy one.

If life were simpler, yes.

The four people I'm mainly referring to are two minors who she gave birth to, her husband, and her mother. So good luck subtracting her from that equation.

Yikes. :(

Even if they were willing to distance themselves, it might be logistically very difficult...

I hope they set some serious boundaries soon.

I think we all need some boundaries. Big ones.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

No problem at all <3

lmao I just. What.

I have to agree. Their version of reality is really off.

They should just get the 70 year old to babysit.

My guess is that since he's not FAAAAAAMILY, they can't guilt him into doing it free, so that's not an option for them.

Or pay someone who actually advertises for babysitting work, but that would be too logical.

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