fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3580 ]

[ SECRET POST #3580 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3580 ⌋

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm at that awkward point where people are switching from calling me "Miss" to "Ma'am" and I don't like it.

So tips on coming across younger than you are, I guess.

Try acting more airheaded.

I think I already do, in a way, but at some point people just think you're dumb f you do that, and I'm not going for that either..

I don't think it always has anything to do with the age you appear? I don't think I've ever had someone call me miss except when I was a tween with my parents. It's always been ma'am.

I have noticed it's more with people in service positions? Like, store clerks will call me ma'am sometimes regardless of the fact that they just asked me for ID to buy beer.

Well, I guess it's regional (and I'm translating), but I have been called Miss pretty consistently until maybe 2 years ago. People still do when it's just on the phone, often.

Huh. Maybe instead of ~trying to appear younger~, think about why it matters so much to you that someone calls you ma'am? Hell, I've even had someone call me sir once by accident from the back. They were so apologetic and it was just funny.

It's not the Ma'am thing specifically. It's how people associate certain things with people who appear more mature.

Like, being responsible. which I'm not.

Like, being interested in their home renovation/gardening project (see above) Also: their wedding and their babies.

Like, people assuming i'm interested in jobs I'm not interested in and vice versa.

What I'm trying to say: I think it's disadvantaging me in terms of the social groups I'm being classified with (that I often have not much in common with) and even disadvantaging me at possible opportunities (because people just flat out assume I'm not interested without asking). And suddenly you find yourself invited to baby showers but not to Disneyland trips.

I dunno, that sounds to me more like you're hanging out with the wrong people? I mean, it's cool to be friends with people who are in different stages of life than you, but if you're friends with them, then they'd know you well enough to know that you prefer Disneyland over baby showers.

And if it's strangers who are making these assumptions, then their opinions don't really matter.

Maybe, but certain things are more common an certain age groups. And I feel like so many people just cling to their age group. I feel like I just keep getting sucked in with crowds I have nothing in common with, and this was far less of a problem, say, 8 years ago.

Maybe. I mean, I don't have any friends who are my age exactly. My best friend is three years younger and the rest of them are co-workers where the closest one in age is three years older than me, and really, they're all in the 'had kids, have a house' comfortable stage of life.

But at the same time, they know what I'm like and it's never been an issue that I'm at a comfortable stage in my life and don't WANT the kids/house thing. I mean, a house would be cool if I could afford it flat out, but houses in my area go for a minimum of 800k usually, so that would never happen without me giving up my job or commuting more than an hour+ from somewhere less urban.

Dress younger maybe? I dunno, I've been a "ma'am" and "lady" for about four years now, but today people were calling me "miss" and "girl". The only differences were that I wasn't wearing my hair up and I had on my younger sister's clothes because all of mine were in the wash.

i almost never wear my hair up...it MIGHT be the clothes, but then I don't really know what i should do differently.

Ugh, I feel you. The other day, one of the nurses in my doctor's office told me that the doctor had said I was "such a nice lady," and on the outside, I was like, "Oh, that was so nice of her to say that," and on the inside I was like, "LADY?! I'm a GIR- oh, right, I'm almost 40."

In general, though, I find people assume I'm younger than I am, and I think that's due to the following factors:

1) I have really good skin for my age, due to genetics and 20+ years of sunscreen use, and I have a baby face (big eyes, small mouth, soft features).

2) I dress the same way I did in my 20s, which probably isn't a good thing but, ahhh, I don't care. Due to some health problems and medication, my weight (w/ bloating) fluctuates a lot, so my wardrobe is mostly cheap stuff from Old Navy and Target because I don't want to invest in anything better if I can't know when I'll be able to wear it. I also wear lots of loose flowy layers, rather than sharp, smart, fitted clothing, for this reason.

3) Honestly, I have no poise. I feel like I careen through social situations like an overeager puppy, so most people I meet like me and think I'm sweet, but I don't feel like they respect me as any kind of authority on anything. I'm also really deferential and genuinely uncomfortable with having authority, myself, so I don't do anything to remedy this.

So, I guess my tips are: wear sunscreen, dress like you did 20 years ago, and act like a puppy: cute and awkward.

I wear t-shirts with cute cartoon or game characters, jeans, and no makeup. People still refer to me as "ma'am." I don't really think there's anything you can do. It might just be a verbal reflex people have (referring to people as sir or ma'am when being polite).

I know how you feel though. I absolutely hate being called ma'am but I know there's nothing I can do about it. It's not like they're intentionally saying it to be rude.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3580 ]

As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.

Re: As a counterpoint: coming off less mature than you are.