[ SECRET POST #3654 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3654 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #522.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[ketita]

I hear you.
It may be unnecessary, but at the same time, it's something that happens. And of course distracting to me might not distract anybody else. Ultimately, I think it's up to each person to figure out their own way of speaking. It can be helpful to be aware of your own tics, and then it's up to you to decide if you want to do something about it, or if it's even an option for you.
But since the way you speak is literally the basis for your communication with people, it's kind of natural that how you speak would affect how you communicate with them and how they think of you...

[(Anonymous)]

I probably should have said, I can understand general judgement but I think strict judgement, particularly in casual settings, it's something that can be let go of.

Of course how we communicate is always going to hold a level of importance, but not everyone is going to speak eloquently and in the exact way you want them to all the time. If I know someone is judging how I speak, it just makes the tics worse and I can only control it if I have a pre-written speech.

Plus having a lot of friends who speak English as a second language I find it's better to be supportive because low self confidence about how they speak just makes them want to speak less. I think the same can be true for anyone who struggles with any language, even if it's their own.

[ketita]

I mean I'm honestly not sure what you're talking about regarding "strict" judgement here. Most people in conversation are not spending the time analyzing your speech patterns, because they're actively talking to you. If somebody starts correcting somebody verbally then that's just kind of asshatty behavior, there's no call to do that.
I have ESL friends too, and I wouldn't correct their speaking unless they ask me to.

But for example, I know somebody who "umm"s a lot. Seriously a lot. Multiple times per sentence. And yeah, it's kind of painful to talk to them, but obviously they have friends who aren't bothered by the tic. Being judged by people you interact with is a thing that exists, and it's a thing you ultimately have no control over. People will take you how they will.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe I have known some asshatty people because I have known people to correct others when they're speaking. I once had a friend correct my vocabulary when I was speaking a certain way completely on purpose, it was both obnoxious and insulting.

I don't know that "people will judge" is really a great justification for judging is all I'm saying. If I can't change that people judge, by the same token you can't change the way other people speak and maybe you need to find ways to make it less annoying for you?

Maybe turn "Umm" into a mythical creature like the Alot: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

[ketita]

It's not justification, it's reality. If your communication has certain quirks to it, some people may notice, and some people may tailor their interactions with you based on it. Not everyone. And some people may notice but not care. And some people may not notice at all.
I have no idea why you're trying to turn me into this crazed Judgey McJudgerson who is unable to talk to people without "finding ways to make it less annoying for me", what the hell.

All I said above was that you can choose to be aware of your own communication tics, and you can choose whether or not you care to do something about it. I have certain verbal tics that I eliminated because *I* wanted to, not for anybody else.

It's clear to me that you're taking my general comment and making it very personal, because of your own experiences. I'm sorry you went through that. Talk however you want to talk.

[(Anonymous)]

Basically, they want you to feel guilty for feeling irritated by certain speech habits by pushing the "anxiety" "snobbish" and "judgement" buttons, so they don't have to change.

Pretty classic attack pattern and pretty shabby imo. Feel how you like, and I'm feeling right there with you. Communication is two-way and BOTH parties have some responsibility.

[ketita]

...yes, now that you mention it. Wow, some people are really incapable of taking any responsibility for anything, apparently.