fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3703 ]

[ SECRET POST #3703 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3703 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 14 secrets from Secret Submission Post #529.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He's not obligated to do anything but I also don't think it's unreasonable to expect people to show at least some iota of flexibility and willingness to at least entertain things their partner is into

At least enough to watch a single fucking episode, and then say "nope I was right I don't like it". At least then you've given it a chance, fair enough, no harm done

Yep, this. If a person doesn't have even this small amount of flexibility, they're probably a poor partner in other ways, too.

So OP should be flexible and willing to understand her BF doesn't want to watch a TV show?

To me, the person refusing to watch a single episode is being way less flexible and reasonable.

That's just how I feel about it.

Ah. To me, the person who (based on the secret) only wants to break up with someone because they won't watch a TV show is unreasonable.

*shrug*

It does seem like a minor complaint, but I also think it's a real valid complaint, and of that's the way the relationship math adds up for OP, fair enough. Of course I also think both of are probably making unconscious assumptions about them that are influencing us as well.

How is it a real valid complaint? To me it's on par of me saying to my SO, "You've eaten all these other types of pasta but won't eat lasagna. I want to break up."

No one is obligate to like (or even try) everything or anything that someone else enjoys. As long as they're not being a dick about the other person liking it.

Because I think it's a reasonable desire, and a reasonable expectation, for you to want your SO to try things you care about. I think that's reasonable. Now, how much you can compromise on that, and where you draw the lines, and how seriously you take it, that varies, but the desire in itself is reasonable and fair. Therefore, OP is valid in feeling aggrieved about their SO not being willing to do so.

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NA
I get the feeling it's not JUST "You won't watch Star Trek with me!" but rather the broader extension of "You won't even try to take an interest in my interests and the outright untested dismissal feels disrespectful."

If that is the case, then this secret is moot. But in the secret OP specifically says they are breaking up with him because he won't watch Star Trek.

Or...Star Trek is the fandom-relevant component of a broader issue.

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well if you want to get specific the OP is just thinking about it...

Just so I'm being clear here: I will never watch an episode of Project runway willingly, no matter how into it my girlfriend is. It's not just an hour of my life, it's a LOOOOOOONG hour of my life of boredom and... Just blergh.

I'm being inflexible, sure, but I don't think unreasonable.

Yup. My sister is always trying to make me watch one show or another. Sometimes I will but often I won't. Why would I waste an hour of my time watching something I don't want to?

Right?! And the fact that I would be doing it under duress means that the chances of me actually enjoying the experience is so slim. Even if it's good, I'd just end up resenting being made to watch it.

Yeah, I am way more likely to dislike something I am forced to consume. Same thing happened in school with assigned reading!

"Under duress"? "Resent being made to watch it"? Now who's being a whiny baby? Someone you care about could ask you to try something in a franchise you've liked and you'd treat it like some sort of hostage situation because...maybe you heard somewhere it wasn't very good?

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(Anonymous) - 2017-02-23 13:38 (UTC) - Expand

It's called being an adult. It sucks, I know, but we sometimes have to do things we don't like to do to make the people we care about happy.

I think a part of being an adult is also understanding that others won't like the same things we like.

The Lion King is literally my favorite fictional thing ever created. I planned an entire vacation around seeing it on Broadway. I cried while watching it. I've seen the movies dozens of times. I am thinking of getting a Lion King tattoo. It is hard to describe how much that movie means to me.

And yet, I am close friends with someone who has never seen it and has no interest is seeing it. And that is okay because people have different interests. And a movie/show/book is not a reason to break off a relationship.

Edited 2017-02-23 02:11 (UTC)

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alexi_lupin - 2017-02-23 11:23 (UTC) - Expand

That's not how you have a healthy relationship, though. Being an adult means compromise, yes, but it also means accepting that sometimes the people we care about aren't going to care about the same things that we do and that's okay. And personally, I wouldn't want a friend or an SO to force themselves to do something they didn't like just for my sake.

being an adult includes not throwing a tantrum because someone doesn't want to watch your imaginary space show

Being an adult can also mean understanding your s/o doesn't have to like everything you like, and not deciding to throw away a relationship because it 'bothers' you that they simply aren't interested in a show.

I think if your GF really cares about Project Runway - regardless of the fact that it just seems like a silly and trivial show to most people - then it's kind of unreasonable to refuse to ever watch it with her. And I would say the same thing if she were refusing to ever do something with you that you really cared about despite it being silly and trivial to most people.

Does anyone really care about Project Runway though?

I jest, but it just seems so bizarre to me that people seem so... I can't think of the word I want here. Like, OP's SO HAS to watch an episode of something OP likes before saying he doesn't watch it, because... "Nah, I'm good thanks." is not a a good response?

I mean, if they're not make any effort to try and like ANY of OP's interests, I think that would be a valid complaint, because you should at least give things a chance when you're together, even if you end up hating it (and it's not something that could kill you) when you're in a relationship, but at the same time, I do think it's okay to say no to things to?

Like, I don't think you should feel obligated to try everything your SO likes in the same way they shouldn't need to try everything you like? It's honestly probably pretty healthy to have separate interests to a degree so that you can have some you time as well?

I see what you're saying, which is why I think this entire debate rests on an unknown factor, which is how important TNG is to OP.

If this show really means a lot to her (regardless of whether her reasons for caring about it make sense to others), then she should be able to express that to her BF, and her BF should be willing to watch it with her now and again. Because it matters to her, and she wants to share it with him.

OTOH, if OP doesn't really care about TNG that much, she just thinks it's a pretty good show and is annoyed because her BF won't enrich her rewatch experience by watching it with her, then I agree with you that he should be able to take a pass without it being a big deal.

But considering that OP is thinking about breaking up with her BF because he wont watch it with her, it seems only reasonable to assume the show means a lot to her.

I don't think you should feel obligated to try everything your SO likes in the same way they shouldn't need to try everything you like?

To boil it down: this isn't about OP's BF being unwilling to try everything she likes. It's about OP's BF being unwilling to share one of her all time favorite things with her. If TNG is not one of OP's favorite things, then I agree with your point. But given what OP says in her secret, it seems likely TNG is one of her favorite things.