fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3766 ]

[ SECRET POST #3766 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3766 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 24 secrets from Secret Submission Post #538.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ask for advice here!

Gonna post mine in the 2nd comment.

I am a working adult and can't go to a campus every day. But I don't want to get trapped in some for-profit college.

A lot of standard colleges or universities have online courses and/or degrees these days.

I've looked at a couple colleges that I know but honestly, I don't understand a lot of the information. Like...course schedules and such. Maybe it is just the colleges I was looking at had shit sites.

Best bet would be to schedule a time to actually go and talk to someone at the college. Even if they can't help you there, they can definitely answer a lot of questions and point you in the right direction.

Have you considered a community college? They're more likely to offer flexible schedules because they often cater to people who also have day jobs.

Check out your state university and community colleges. If you're serious about it, research a little and schedule an appointment with an advisor in your field to see what would work with your schedule and if it's flexible. Community college will probably be the cheapest and then you can transfer the credits to the state university.

Best of luck!

So I recently quit my job because of reasons. I got another job the next week, which has been going well.

The thing is at my old job I had a male coworker who I was friends with and everyone always joked said was my work husband. Which is fine and we joked and flirted around but it was never anything serious.

But then he's been texting me since I left, which I don't mind. And he's been saying that he wants to visit me at work which is fine. But the other night he texted me that he wanted to take me out after work because he missed me. And mentally I went WAIT WHAT HOLD UP.

1. He's about 20 years older than me
2. He's married and has a kid
3. I thought all that stuff at work was a joke, I mean I thought we were friends but I mean... come on.

I like him as a friend but honestly outside of work we have nothing in common and now that we're not working together I just... ehhh? I kinda thought that those relationships would kind of taper off. I know that sounds cold but I never really got that close to anyone.

Does anyone have any advice or has anyone gone through something similar?

Personally, I'd probably try to avoid that sort of entanglement. Maybe it's completely innocent, but it sounds to me like there's some potential here for dramatic entanglement that you don't want.

One option I can think of is to "misunderstand" and go "Oh, I'd love to meet your wife, that sounds like a nice evening" or something like that, and see how he responds.
You could also just be perpetually "busy" and hope he gets the hint...

It could be that he's genuinely just being friendly, but it could also be trouble, and doesn't sound like you want/need that in your life.

I mean if you never really wanted to keep up the friendship anyway, I say politely blow him off. Working another job will make it a bit easier to just say you're busy.

He could just want to be friends but I say since you're really not into even the friends aspect of it just stop responding to him.

Have you asked if it's romantic or a friendship?

If not, why not just ask?

If he says romance say no. You're not working together any more so you can just block him. If he says friends why not? Or say you're busy but don't mind staying a casual acquaintance.

I get your hesitation but this can be solved really easily by being direct.

Yeah, no. He wants to bang you. I'd stay away from him, he sounds like trouble. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are NOT interested in going out with him under any circumstances. Then block him if you need to. Yikes.

Sounds a bit weird, tbh. It'd be one thing if he asked if you wanted to meet for lunch and catch up, but after work sounds a bit more serious unless it's in a group. It's not uncommon for an older guy to badly misinterpret this sort of relationship so it's entirely possible he's convinced himself that there's more to this than being work buddies. He may have started to romanticize the relationship in his head and frankly, having a wife and kid can be stressors that make this fantasy MORE (not less!) likely.

If you feel even the slightest bit odd about it, don't go. Also, don't flirt with co-workers because the reward just isn't worth the potential mess.

Ok, so I find NSAP (Non-Sexual Age Play) fics adorable. The ones I read anyway are basically kidfic without the AU or sciencemagic. I've got a few ideas for writing my own.

My question is, does NSAP fic fall into the 'eww god no' category for most people? Would you side-eye someone for having a fic like that in with a lot of other gen fluff?

I am already planning a side account for any hardcore smut I feel like doing, but I'm waffling on if these fics should go into a side account or my main. Fandom is Star Wars, if it matters.

Yeah, sorry, but it usually reads as somewhat fetishistic to me

That definitely sounds like a kink I'm not interested in. So I guess, yes that it may be an 'eww god no' thing for most other people?

But as for intermingling it in with your gen fluff? I don't see that being a problem. There are ratings and warnings for a reason. The only reason why I have an alternate AO3 is because I write smut for an incest ship and the antis have gotten pretty nasty.

Non-Sexual Age Play as in one adult partner is acting in a childlike manner and they're doing activities like I don't know, eating dinner, but not sex?

Yeah, usually caregiving activities too, brushing teeth, changing clothes, playing games, that sort of thing. Treating the other character like they're a kid.

If one person is treating the other like they're a kid in a caregiving sense while the other is acting like an adult and accepting it, that's not that weird.

If the other is acting like a kid on purpose, it's a bit weird and I don't know how that would stay IC enough to count as genfic and not kinkfic if it's not a character who already does this in canon.

I wouldn't be like, "what a perv" but I'd be like, "what is this hugely OOC thing doing here?"

Yep, I'm aware it's pretty darn weird. I dunno, I just really like reading/writing about caregiving stuff in fic with one character taking care of another, and this way it's happy and consensual instead of being because of something bad in a h/c way. I mean sometimes I'm in the mood for that too, put a character through the wringer and make them earn that comfort.

Re: Fanfic question

(Anonymous) - 2017-04-27 03:01 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Fanfic question

(Anonymous) - 2017-04-27 03:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Fanfic question

(Anonymous) - 2017-04-27 04:17 (UTC) - Expand

I wouldn't read it, but I wouldn't think any less of you for writing it. (As long as you're tagging properly so I don't stumble across it unexpectedly, but it sounds like you're already planning on labeling it.)

No judgement, but if it were me and I were already planning to set up a side account for kinky stuff, I'd post the NSAP on that account.

Mainly, I think that even if you make it known that the two accounts are both you, having a side account shows people that you are aware that some of your content is more About The Kink regardless of whether it's particularly in character or not. And I think authorial self-awareness is often something people respond well to. For example, say a fic author posts an OOC angst-fest in which one of the main characters is a cutter and an anorexic and it's very obviously id fic. What can make that feel weird and off-putting is if the author doesn't seem to realize that it's id fic. Once they make some kind of acknowledgment that it's id fic, then it's just like, "Hey, okay, that's cool."

I think that's the general consensus and a good idea. I'm very aware it's idfic, I just wasn't sure how.... I guess accepted it is as idfic. Like coffee-shop AU is pure idfic and usually OOC but I wouldn't blink to see it in with other fluffy canon-based fic. But something like mpreg, even g-rated mpreg, would make me blink. Even if you stop and take a step back and really "What if Bilbo and Thorin weren't hobbits and dwarves but humans in 2017 and Bilbo runs a coffee shop and also Smaug is a human big chain coffee owner who wants to buy out Bilbo's independant store because he's a jerk" isn't THAT much weirder than "What if Bilbo could get pregnant?"

I guess the line is how well know it is if someone could get tingly downstairs at a swf thing. Like everyone already knows that Whedon's Batgirl will spend approx. 3/4ths of the movie barefoot and her enticingly bare and delicate feet lovingly framed in each camera shot. Even if usually no one would notice anything about a character's feet. Whedon's foot kink is just too well known for him to get away with it no matter if he finds feet sexually appealing or just gets really nice platonic warm fuzzies about them.

Like coffee-shop AU is pure idfic

Depends how broad your definition of idfic is. If your definition of idfic is just "Not exactly good in a literary sense, and kinda bonkers over all, but delicious like candy" then yeah, coffee-shop AUs are usually idfic.

But if your definition of idfic is "This is a personal thing for me that I have personal experience with and/or personal feelings about which I am now exploring through fic" then coffee-shop AUs are only idfic for a very small percentage of fandom, and have certainly never been anywhere close to idfic for me.

To further elaborate, if I wrote a fic in which a character was secretly struggling with an eating disorder that would be idfic, because I used to have an eating disorder. Whereas, if someone who'd never had an eating disorder wrote a fic in which a character was secretly struggling with an eating disorder, that wouldn't necessarily be idfic.

I also wouldn't deem mpreg idfic. I would, OTOH, deem pregnancy kink idfic.

In short, the whole idfic thing is less about what's "weirder" and more about whether a fic gives you the impression, when you read it, that you may as well be reading the author's personal Kinks, Neurosis, and Feelings Diary.

Also your entire paragraph about Joss Whedon feels really surreal and I have no idea how or why you've arrived at these perceptions of the guy. O_o

That's... a very weird definition of idfic. Like once I set a fic somewhere it rains a lot because at the time it was spring and it rained every day for three months, would that be idfic? Everyone's going to bring their specific knowledge and experiences to their writing.

I was thinking idfic was more specifically "I want this" and being willing to bend or break the rules of canon to satisfy it.

Re: Fanfic question

(Anonymous) - 2017-04-27 22:27 (UTC) - Expand

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[ SECRET POST #3766 ]

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