fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3771 ]

[ SECRET POST #3771 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3771 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #540.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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wedding rings
foot long sandwiches
angst
mermaids
walruses
manatees
michael bolton

the last thing i said to her

The fact that there are cats in the world that aren't safe, happy, and loved.

I legit get overly emotional about this fact.

The reality that people have casual sex all the time

Why do you think about it? Jealousy?

Why I do think about it is because it's a real thing that happens and that, you know, people talk about and do and everything. It's something that you get reminded of because it's reality.

Why I don't want to think about it is partly jealousy but more about the ol' negative self-talk. It feeds into a complex about how awful and unattractive I must be (people have casual sex and you've never had anyone want to have sex with you therefore how hideous and worthless must you be, that kind of thing). Basically, one part of it is that I want to have sex but it's also hard to get rid of the idea of attractiveness as validation.

whether or not I count as a virgin because I've never had sex with a guy, so I've never had penis-vagina sex. but I'm basically a lesbian (occasional sexual/romantic interest in guys, usually get anxious and uncomfortable if it actually goes anywhere though) and I've had loads of sex with loads of women. but I'm reaching my late twenties and I am irrationally and frequently freaked out about whether or not I'm a virgin and if I'm a huge loser. I want to just do it, but every time I try to meet a guy on like tinder or something, I either get creeped out/turned off, or I genuinely think they are nice people so don't want to use them for one-time achievement unlocked sex.

>had loads of sex with loads of women
>huge loser

I think you're ok. I don't know this matters so much to you, or if it is healthy but if you are worried about using someone then just be honest and straightforward about your intentions after you vet them and before things progress to that point. But, like, I've had sex with both and you aren't missing much. Just have sex with who you want to have sex with and enjoy it, all the rest is bullshit for other people to worry about.

heh that sounded super basic in retrospect. mea culpa.

It never bothered me before, but I think it's just something I want to say I've done. I know for sure it's anxiety caused by societal expectations, tied with me going through a massive mid-life crisis in general (twenties are almost done and oh my god what have I (not) accomplished in life). I know the things I've done are absolutely things I consider sex, but it's not the sex people refer to when they talk about sex. It just makes me really self-conscious.

I think complaining you're a huge loser for only having sex with loads of women is the opposite of basic, but maybe I just spend too much time on reddit lol.

You've... had a ton of sex with women. You're not a virgin, by definition. You've had sex. Penises don't matter in this equation.

:/ This is genuinely kind of tragic. Please don't believe that there's some magical barrier vaginas have that must be "broken" by a penis in order for sex to count.

I mean, yeah. The logical (and lesbian) part of my brain knows that, but my anxiety and self-consciousness have convinced me I'm practically a spinster because I haven't had the same experience most people in their upper twenties have had. I know it's pretty pathetic, but it's still something that nags at me. I guess it's not really about magical barriers that need to be broken by someone's dick, I guess I mostly just want to be able to say I've done it so I can stop worrying about it.

I mean, do you think all other lesbians are spinster virgins? Is there something about a vague passing interest in dick that makes you more of a virgin than a "gold star" lesbian with no interest in dick whatsoever?

I think you're clearly and objectively not a huge loser, and I think there's no point in assigning any status or value whatsoever to the whole concept of virginity, especially in your position, so probably instead of worrying about it try and work on figuring out why that concept matters to you.

What counts as a loser to you? Not saying the OP IS a loser, just that you said "objectively" and well, "loser" isn't really an objective concept, it means different things to different people.

Whether or not you're a virgin changes depending on your orientation, it's not like it's this one thing that applies to everybody. As far as I'm concerned, it's up to the individual person to define for themselves, and of course there's always the option of just rejecting the whole concept altogether.

I also think you're placing way too much importance on what society dictates or what's considered normal. There are people your age and older who've never had sex with anyone of either gender, are they losers?

I'm 31 and have only had sex with one person in my life, less than a dozen times, and that was when I was 18. Am I a loser? Maybe by society's standards, maybe by your standards, who knows. But that doesn't matter. The important thing is that I've made the choices I have because they were what I wanted. It really doesn't matter whether people think I'm a loser, and it shouldn't matter to you whether people think you are, as long as you're happy with your choices.

People who have abused/neglected/treated me like shit
My failures in life
All the people I'm fond of, who don't return the feeling
Activities meant as a distraction from life, and not as a genuine indulgence

<3 <3 <3

That my dad, who is my favorite person in the world and who I basically consider my soulmate (even though I don't really believe in soulmates in the strictest sense) is going to die one day. And how even if he makes it to 90, I'll only be 59, and I have no idea how I'm going to go on and be a person without this person who is my other half.

He still seems so young, and he's still really strong, and he always tells me to take the free seat on the bus if there's only one, and he insists on carrying the heaviest groceries because the bags hurt my hands, and it's always been like that, but one day it'll be the other way around, and then eventually he just won't be there anymore, and I don't know how I'll bear it.

I never used to think about it, but now I do, and I wish I didn't.

Jesus nonnie, I feel for you and wish I could do something to make you feel better. I guess all you can do is appreciate the time you have with him. I wish you both the best and a long, happy life together.

You are right, and thank you.

This isn't meant as an insult in any way, but is there a reason you two seem so enmeshed? I think it's wonderful you get along so well, don't get me wrong. But is he doing or has he done anything to ensure you can stand on your own? Losing a parent can be pretty awful at any age, but calling him your other half and saying things like you "don't know how to go on" if he died is a bit concerning.

Not OP

Yeah I was reading this, and sorry if you don't mean it this way OP, but I get this huge creepy incest vibe from the way you've worded it.

the game

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[ SECRET POST #3771 ]

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warning: incoming pity party

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