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[ SECRET POST #3836 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3836 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 14 secrets from Secret Submission Post #549.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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complain about things

I was supposed to go to a career counseling appointment today because I want to go back to school but I freaked the fuck out so bad that I ended up canceling. I hate that I'm always canceling plans and that I'm flaky as hell, but just dealing with people (esp strangers and people of authority) flares up my anxiety so bad that in that moment canceling seems like the only option. I'll never be independent.

inb4 therapy, like what the fuck do you think I've been doing for the past two years

<3 <3 <3

don't have any advice but I've definitely been there and it's so fucking awful feeling

I have to fight this too. But it's always such a relief in that moment when I decide I'm not going to do the thing I'm anxious about and I no longer have to worry about it for a while.

Re: Venting thread

rosehiptea - 2017-07-06 04:27 (UTC) - Expand

omg I am much worse than you.

I've been playing Overwatch for over 300 hours and I'm still in the lowest tier in competitive, I got a fancy ass border and I get matched with people who bought the game yesterday and it feels like being the adult at the children's table. I play Mercy the scrub healer, I watched video guides, but now when I play I feel like I forgot half of what I learned. It just ties with the general feeling that the older I get the dumber I become and it's sad and scary, man.

I don't know for sure how many hours I've been playing but I am in the same boat. To be fair, I don't really like competitive because people get so toxic so I don't get as much practice. I am all about that Total Mayhem and Mystery Heroes.

Some people just aren't good at FPS (I know I'm not). It doesn't mean you can't still enjoy them, and it definitely doesn't mean you're dumb!

What diet_poison said. Not everyone's good at every kind of game. You should see my online score in Mario Kart. It is SAD. SAD SAD SAD. I exist to boost other peoples' scores.

Stupid illegal fireworks have made my allergies awful the last few days. Today was the worst. I've had a major sinus headache all day, and I can't take the antihistamine I need because I need to study. My eyes feel heavy. It hurts to smile. My teeth hurt. Gah. San Antonio does not allow fireworks. And yet people clearly don't give a fuck about the law.

Honestly, its just been one thing after another this week, I'm exhausted and frustrated. I'm just over it. All of it. Pain, other health issues, family drama, the heat, the inability to take meds that would really help. I couldn't even enjoy the holiday yesterday because I had to study and was sick. I've had several panic attacks in the last week. So I'm over it all. I just want to escape somewhere, but I can't.

Ugh, I'm sorry. I don't have allergies to fireworks, but they have been super annoying lately, and last night I didn't go to bed until pretty late - it would have been futile with all the noise (and I say that as a fairly heavy sleeper). Been giving me headaches too, and ratcheting up my startle response :(

I hope things look up for you soon.

Re: Venting thread

philstar22 - 2017-07-05 23:21 (UTC) - Expand

Didn't flare up allergies, but neighbors setting off fireworks scared one of my cats so bad he hid under the bed for most of the night the last four nights.

Re: Venting thread

philstar22 - 2017-07-05 23:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-05 23:23 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

philstar22 - 2017-07-05 23:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-05 23:54 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

philstar22 - 2017-07-05 23:59 (UTC) - Expand

I hate it when photographers on instagram post landscapes without labeling where the photo was taken, but they include a bunch of useless, annoying tags like #outdoors #blessed #exploretheworld #breathe #lifeadventures #followyourbliss #somuchzen #lifeoutsidethebox #fuji3000 #sandbetweenmytoes #birdsongyay

I'm kind of making those up, but... like that.

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-05 23:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-06 07:44 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-06 21:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

shortysc22 - 2017-07-06 01:29 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-06 02:47 (UTC) - Expand

I was such a zombie today, went to bed really late, combination of video games and firework noise. :/

Also my landlords fucked up my address and are arguing with the post office about it :D so I'm not getting any mail and can only pick it up from the post office during zoo hours on Saturday because I get off work at 5. And can't even go this Saturday since I'll be out of town. And they won't let my roommate (who is a student and has a much more flexible schedule) pick it up for me.

Hope I don't have anything important!

I had a stupid stressful day for no good reason. I was sick, still went to sign my contract, had to take the dog with me, the subway was packed which is terrible because my city is usually very spacey (which is nice because I secretely hate touching other human beings), was multitasking and stressed through the whole visit, left my *might I say* very nice coat back at work. But I didn't know it was there, so I spent about an hour looking for it retracing my steps through the public transport, which made my puppy nervous because she was done with the U-Bahn for the day, which made two of us. Now I have to train her to stay home alone for a couple of hours every few days and that is double stressing me and her both.

I know, I know. Nothing very serious, but.

Re: Venting thread

rosehiptea - 2017-07-06 02:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

lordbaelish - 2017-07-07 19:10 (UTC) - Expand

I haven't been able to enjoy empowered since it started amping up the darkness. It used to be that I used that world to escape my depression, the news that the new volume is out at one point would have had be giddy. At one NAD point in my life it was literally the only thing I was still living for. Now all it does is fill me with cold dread and really flaire's up my anxiety.

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-05 23:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

bur - 2017-07-06 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-06 02:50 (UTC) - Expand

I know I'm making progress on the things I want to do, even if it's slow and full of falls and setbacks. But I don't know how much longer I can keep going with my depression and anxiety (I do take meds, BTW). It hurts so much every day, I don't know how I stand it. I've been though worse before, as in too depressed to even function like I am now, but in some ways this feels harder.

Re: (indirect reference to suicide? i guess?)

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-05 23:56 (UTC) - Expand

Re: (indirect reference to suicide? i guess?)

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-06 00:46 (UTC) - Expand

I started my period today and everything sucks, just ugh. Stupid body.

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-06 01:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

(Anonymous) - 2017-07-06 02:35 (UTC) - Expand

life is all the hurts right now and I only have myself to blame. I'm a fucking cunt and I'm sorry and I'm sorry. a thousand years and maybe I'll be able to explain what's wrong. but I can't now, I don't have the words, and that makes it worse. please. please, life, please stop changing just when I need it to be the same. please, god, I'd ask for a second chance but I have a feeling that I've already got a second chance and I blew it. and I don't even want to die. maybe I can convince myself I'm not human. a human would want to die. delete emotions. delete cache. live.

My mom hasn't eaten in two days and the hospice social worker says once patients like my mom stop eating, they usually have around ~7-10 days to live, more likely 7 than 10. Her school friend who she hasn't seen in a couple years was willing to visit yesterday, but I told her to come next Tuesday because flying out here on the 4th would be nuts (big college party town, lots of drunk drivers and illegal fireworks.) But that was a couple weeks ago when it looked like my mom had months, not days, and I'm afraid she'll be too late. Mom's friend's recovering from surgery and couldn't come any earlier than this week.

And I'm terrified. I don't know if I'll be able to sit with her when she dies, seeing other relatives when they were clawing the air and wailing, fighting to breathe, freaked me out more than enough. Plus when my mom dies, I'll be down to two blood relatives and four relatives total, all but one of whom are 30+ years older than me, and I see the non-blood relative who's only in his late thirties maybe once every couple of years. The others I might see once a year. Mom's brother has contrived to be in Austria the next two weeks; he has a miraculous ability to be on another continent when his family members are dying--he was too late to help with his mom, dad, and eldest brother. He always asks if there's anything he can do, but he always gives the actual nasty soul squashing scut work of caring for sick and dying people, and the emotional labor of being moral support, a pass.

I have no friends to speak of, haven't made a new one since grade school when sharing snacks was all it took to make them, and haven't kept in contact with any of them. My mom was my closest friend and seeing her helpless and panicking and in pain hurts and I'm going to lose her. Neither of us believes in an afterlife or souls or reincarnation, only worm food. I hate this.

Re: Venting thread

meredith44 - 2017-07-06 02:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venting thread

rosehiptea - 2017-07-06 03:40 (UTC) - Expand

i dont have anyone to talk with about my new favorite show because i dont know anyone else who watches it

its my new favorite show but the further away i get from season 2 the more i realize just how flawed it really was but i still love it and i still wanna talk about it

also i hate that its not coming back until 2018

i hate my brain

im tired and i wish i werent

I got stuck in traffic spillover from an accident for about two hours and my car overheated and started smoking and now I'm afraid something actually wrong with it. It had coolant and oil so fingers crossed it's okay. :(

I was hoping today me and my wife could play video games together. Instead, she's slept all day, and 80% of yesterday aside from getting up long enough to go watch fireworks. I get we're both dealing with chronic illness, but we haven't really done anything couple-like for a little while. It's all been family stuff in general, not just us time and I'm not sure how much longer it'll be before we can have couple time.

It's really stupid, I'm just being needy.

I hit my hand on the doorframe earlier. It made a crunchy sound. Now my thumb hurts like an SOB and it hurts to type.

I just unfollowed someone for reblogging something along the lines of -

"Me: Ship policing is wrong, fiction is fiction, call out culture is bullying and toxic. Don't harass people for fiction

Someone Who Ships Incest Or Pedophillia: Heck yeah

Me: ... That doesn't mean YOU fuckers! *sassy reaction gif* "

..... WHAT IS IT SUPPOSED TO APPLY TO THEN?

Re: Venting thread

otakugal15 - 2017-07-06 20:01 (UTC) - Expand

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