fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3887 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3887 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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14. [SPOILERS for Dungeon Meshi]

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

this one woman was grossed out by her boyfriend going to strip joints and the advice columnist said she should go with him. Way to make her, him AND the stripper uncomfortable as fuck....

As a former stripper: we are in no way uncomfortable with guys' girlfriends coming with them to the clubs! They often have a really good time when they realize that most clubs that run in the open aren't the skeeve-fests that you see on TV. I ended up giving girlfriends more lap dances than their boyfriends when they come along!

In other words, I don't think that was bad advice. It sounds like she had some preconceived notions about strip clubs and strippers, and it'd be a good thing to get rid of those! Even if she's still not into it, that's fine (and she can certainly be uncomfortable with her boyfriend attending without her, which they could work out between themselves), but being "grossed out" is a bit much.

if the girlfriend's having a good time, that's great, but if she obviously isn't, I'd think her emotional discomfort would rub off (no pun intended) on everybody else. Especially if she's not bi.

Some people consider a partner going to strip clubs borderline cheating, some aren't comfortable with the commodification of women's bodies and sexuality, some are too well acquainted with the seedier side of the business to want to support it. In none of those cases would it really help to demand the person go to strip clubs, especially when the actual underlying relationship issue is that strip clubs are a personal boundary they've already communicated to their partner, who doesn't care. Telling someone they aren't allowed to have boundaries or expect their partner to respect those boundaries is some unhelpful bullshit no matter what the boundaries are. The specificness of "strip club" is tbh only a side detail.

I agree with you. I doubt the columnist was saying the girlfriend should go more than once if she tried it and hated it. Just that going with her BF to see what it was really like and to share it with him might help her feel better about the situation.

It's cool you were a stripper, BTW. I often wish I'd had the guts to try it when I was still young.

Pretty sure the point was that "grossed out", hostile girlfriends coming to strip clubs with their boyfriends aren't a great idea. Your assertion that strippers won't mind is predicated on the assumption that the girlfriend will be cool with it or open minded enough to reserve judgment. That is clearly not the case in the situation greghousesgf is describing.

It sounds like the GF wanted her BF to stop going to strip clubs. Meanwhile, the BF wanted to keep going to strip clubs. If neither of them was budging, then they were at a deadlock. I'm not really sure what better advice anyone could have given them. Having the GF go along to see what it was all about seems like a good initial course of action. Maybe she'd feel better about her BF going after she saw what it was like, or maybe she wouldn't feel better at all, but it's a course of action that could potentially break their deadlock.

If she went once, and afterwards felt just as bad about her BF going, then I suppose they'd have to find some sort of compromise. But it doesn't seem smart for them to settle on a compromise neither finds ideal, without first making sure the GF has an accurate idea of what she finds objectionable in the first place.

If the girlfriend misbehaves at the club, there are bouncers for that.

I agree with above anon -- if person A wants to do a thing and person B is against that thing, there isn't much in the way of advice you can give other than persuading one of them to give the other person's perspective a try and to go from there. What else could you tell them? (Probably the FS classic reply of 'just break up'.)

Ugh! I think I remember seeing that in the newspaper.

[ SECRET POST #3887 ]

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