Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2017-10-22 03:06 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2017-10-22 03:06 pm
[ SECRET POST #3945 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3945 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #565.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
No idea why you think gay dudes connect to chromosomes as I never fancied anyone's genetic code.
I guess I do not get what you are not getting as seen plenty younger folks whose sexuality developed first and imagine being utterly confused with that while not even close to cracking their own gender. To some it comes at same time or to some gender identity clears when they are kids.
Sorry that I assumed you are a dude as I assumed OP was and you could have been as well. Point is - most of us of any gender and sexuality figure ourselves based upon information we consume so we look for anything that fits or is entertaining. You can be affected by random slash fic if it unlocks some knowledge about yourself.
Anon, I absolutely do not know you but random trans dudes who read gay stories are not your enemy and if you feel confused by how and whys of why a dude says he identifies as gay - ask him. You are under no obligation to change your stance but nor is anyone else. I guess the question is why it bothers you and how do those blokes and their gayness affects you.
If you get into delusional phase - they are pretty different and auto-destructive in another manner. A gay dude who descends into a delusion that he is cured of gayness and straight is now can certainly believe it but still will have underlying knowledge it is wrong. It does go the same way for gender - seen people thinking they always been cis and erasing all trans history (I do not meant stealth ones).
However, you are right on one thing - doubts do grow delusions so if such dudes bother you then ... just ignore them. Sure, they can detransition or decide they are in-between but it is their own path and struggles.
I do hate the infinite 'coming out' phase currently being on the most popular as it is not fun - constantly analysing yourself and comparing to others as people question your choices from every corner. That is why your rethoric is quite stalling as going over all of this every other Wednesday is meh.
I am not educating anyone on anything queer and true me assuming you area dude was rude and patronising in that context. I guess my queer is different than yours. Dudes in OP's secret also have their own form so eh, maybe they really like DNA code.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-23 03:20 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-23 03:24 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-23 03:28 pm (UTC)(link)Just to clarify, I am secret!OP and a lesbian. Dunno why you assumed I was a gay dude (although I do know multiple gay dudes—of the XY variety—who feel the same way that I do about all of this).
>>No idea why you think gay dudes connect to chromosomes as I never fancied anyone's genetic code.<<
And I have never fancied anybody's gender identity. For most people, sexual attraction is predicated on biological sex. I would never want to be with a woman who didn't have a natural vagina. My gay male friends have told be that they would not want to be with a man who didn't have a natural penis. (This isn't arbitrary pickiness: current medical technology can disguise biological sex, but far from perfectly, especially when it comes to the genitals.) I feel like we've slipped into some bizarro parallel universe where it's perfectly okay to be gay . . . as long as you don't insist on being the kind of gay person who is exclusively attracted to people who are actually of the same sex, in which case you are a petty, small-minded bigot.
People who are genuinely attracted on the basis of "hearts not parts" are free to do their own thing. I just take issue when they try to assert that their mode of attraction is the better, nobler way of being gay (or bi, or straight, or anything else).
>>I guess I do not get what you are not getting as seen plenty younger folks whose sexuality developed first and imagine being utterly confused with that while not even close to cracking their own gender. To some it comes at same time or to some gender identity clears when they are kids.<<
I dispute the notion that "gender identity" is an indwelling fixture of selfhood that must be discovered (rather than simply invented). I, at least, have never discovered my gender identity; biologically speaking, I am a woman, but I have no idea what it means to feel like a woman.
As far as I am concerned, you are the sex that you are born into, and that's that. Your biological sex affects your dating prospects (some people simply will not be attracted to you), but it should not determine your personality, your career, your hobbies, or anything else. In a perfect world, your sex would simply be a neutral bit of trivia about your body, like your height or your skin color. Of course, we do not live in a perfect world, and both sex and skin color continue to shape life outcomes in fundamentally unjust ways.
All that being said, you do you. If you're happy and healthy, then that's all that matters. And if identifying as a gay man is what it takes to make that happen, then, well, all right. (I will say that I have several FtM friends, and with one exception, none of them seem much happier on the other side of the transition; seeing their struggles is one of the things that has made me so skeptical of transgender ideology.) I still think you're a little bit ridiculous, in a Rachel Dolezal-ish sort of way, but you've stated elsewhere in this thread that you think you're better than I am, so I'd say we're about even.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-23 03:41 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-23 03:53 pm (UTC)(link)Seriously, though. I absolutely believe that trans people should have the same legally protected rights to housing, employment, and healthcare as anyone else. I do not think they should be bullied or harassed. But I do not agree with the fundamental claims about sex and gender that have been advanced by the trans community. I think "woman" and "man" are fixed biological realities that ought to be totally divorced from prescribed social roles, and that gender is, at best, a totally subjective personal experience that shouldn't have much bearing on anything. (At worst—and far more often—gender is the set of cultural practices through which sexism is enacted.) If this makes me a bigot, then I guess "bigot"—like "man" and "woman"—is now one of those words that can mean anything anybody wants it to.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-23 11:17 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-24 01:06 am (UTC)(link)Nowadays i feel like i can understand why did it. They're all straight guys obviously, who've watched too much porn, and simultaneously seem to be suffering from a trauma themselves because why else would they want to change themselves so much. (The 'gay trans men'/dysphoric straight girls are similar but instead of lesbian its yaoi/slash). From my experiences from talking with these dysphoric men, these men had very negative female role models in their lives, and were belittled and taught they weren't allowed to be men if they were emotional, and they especially weren't allowed to dress in feminine clothing or be feminine, they also saw 'internet feminists' (who don't seem to care about women's issues rather than just harassing men because they were disrespected by men and so it turns into a vicious circle) saying things constantly like 'cishet men are the fucking worst' and so those men think 'if I was a lesbian they would like me!' The worst thing is that it actually worked. Rather than just being encouraged to stick up for themselves as men, effeminate or not, they were encouraged to be precious trans lesbians and their dysphoria was encouraged? Tf.
(Also for the record to people reading I'm vaguely aware of the whole civil war type thing going down between bis/lesbians and don't hate bi girls, I've only ever dated them and this was before this tumblr shit flew off the rails and I've had loving long term relationships with all and don't believe dumb stereotypes. I respect them as people first. Sexuality is not something someone can control.)
Anyway I was a 'trans man' for about 3 years, and associated with the trans crowd a lot. When I'd just turned 16 i raped which contributed to my dysphoria, and when i confided in my dad he told me i was stupid, which contributed to it more, then i went to a new college (uk college so i was 16/17 when I entred) and i was harassed for being a lesbian which made it all worse. I dropped out after 6 months and spent most of my time on twitter and tumblr. Pretty much dedicating my life to people who seemed to actually like me because it was the only thing that made me happy. All the trans friends I made were really funny and we made each other laugh like hell, but had been abused also, and nearly all other trans people I spoke to had suffered abuse whether it was sexual or mental abuse, although I'm not sure if any realised it was what contributed to their own dysphoria. I know i didn't feel it myself at the time. I thought I was just exploring gender and realising something new about myself and it Just 'felt right'.
All of us/them just wanted to be accepted for who they were but they felt they had to change everything about themselves in order to be respected and treated like a human being. What really needed to happen was being taught to have confidence in oneself and being able to stick up for oneself, as well as recognising what abuse is and what is 'normal'/nurturing so a repeat of abuse doesn't happen. When someone has lived in an abusive situation for too long it becomes normal and they don't always recognise it when they experience it again. I feel like, because of this, everyone who is dysphoric, is suffering from, or has suffered from, a traumatic experience to them, even if they don't believe they have.
Regarding my situation it turned out my dad was a narcissist and this became apparent within the last year when he forced me to cry and apologise because appaently i upset his girlfriend (of 10 years) when i apparently told her the truth about one of the biggest lies he had told her, so I have cut him off. I also cut off his mum too who told me 'oh, (myname), if everyone told the truth the world wouldnt go round!'. I feel like that made me realise the situation I was in wasnt normal.. growing up he would frequently lie and break my toys and say it was me. I don't know why I didn't realise it sooner, probably because it was normal. Anyway I also cut off my old friends who were quite abusive. My best friend who is bi, and so was sort of involved with the crowd of 'queer' friends i was in, helped me through a lot mentally and was supportive, Because she had seen the way we treated each other, and it wasn't really healthy.
It's been quite some time now and I'm not dysphoric any more, and I am stronger now, physically and mentally. I'm also in training, I'm going to be a hollistic therapist (yay). I feel like this was an extreme example but it does get better if anyone has or is going thru something similar. Learning psychology does help, as it enables you to become more confident and you don't feel guilty about cutting off bad friends and stick up for yourself because you understand your own mind, and also recognise patterns in others too.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-24 03:04 am (UTC)(link)Same anon :)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-24 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)Take care of yourself as well! Have a lovely week ♡ :D
no subject
I do not think any part of a person and how they came to be is irrelevant or ignorable so you cannot be gender or colour blind while declaring you love someone's fantastic personality (as personality forms with all factors considered). Your stance is quite similar to this one in a different manner as you generilise everyone in same way.
Being queer in any way is far from being accepted or trendy like someone else said but most people I know are older and quite happily settled down (I mean stable relationship wise and far beyond doubting identity or initial struggles. Settled down also applies to those of my friends who are not in relationships but know what they want out of them while not believing all will always fail as they are queer in wrong way).
I really don't care if I sound ridiculous and you probably don't either so I guess we are far too different and come from different places to ever agree.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-24 12:48 am (UTC)(link)no subject