fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3953 ]

[ SECRET POST #3953 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3953 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Ehh, yes and no. And not really in the way that he thinks.

First of all, a lot of gay and bi men (broadly defined) are not down with being groped or snogged by strangers without permission, especially in a professional context with implied quid pro quo going on. Not everyone is down with the lack of boundaries in club culture either.

Second, we were side-eying chickenhawks back in the 80s and 90s when Rapp was sexually assaulted by Spacey (allegedly just to cover legal asses, not that I think that Spacey's PR people are in a position to blacklist all of this chatter.) It just was impossible to have a serious conversation about that without all the consequences of outing everyone involved. But no, it was not appropriate for Spacey to hit on Rapp at age 14.

My tiny bit of salt is that everyone is treating Rapp and Crews as credible today after decades of gaslighting and JAQing ("just asking questions") attempts by men (broadly defined) to discuss sexual assault and sexual abuse? Yeah, I think straight women are not the experts there.

My tiny bit of salt is that everyone is treating Rapp and Crews as credible today after decades of gaslighting and JAQing ("just asking questions") attempts by men (broadly defined) to discuss sexual assault and sexual abuse? Yeah, I think straight women are not the experts there.

Can you expand on this? Not disagreeing - I'm honestly not understanding what you're driving at here

There's a long history of argument that men can't be sexually assaulted or abused because they're always into having sex, barring the most extreme forms of physical violence or abuse of pre-adolescents by adults. Or that sexual assault has a different meaning for men because, patriarchy.

Ah! So the point you're making is, why didn't people believe them before now? That makes sense.

Or to phrase it better, there's such a long history of destructive skepticism of gay and bi male survivors that perhaps straight women should take a back seat in discussion of consent.

In general discussions of consent, or just in instances involving male survivors?

Involving male survivors.

I've usually heard the idea that men can't be assaulted or raped by women, but I thought everyone knew a man could rape another man? Or does that only apply if the victim is a straight man being assaulted by a gay/bi man?

I'm not interested in arguing a rape-denial perspective based on hypotheticals this evening.

People act like "he's gay so he must have enjoyed it" all the time what world are you living in

NAYRT but I’ve never heard that; the closest creepy bullshit I can think of is the bs “all homophobes are closeted” argument. But then I knew from when I was pretty young that my mom’s dad raped his wife, my mom, and both her brothers and they sure as shit didn’t want it, so...

Not Ayrt, but it's the first time I'm hearing that one.

men aren't "always into having sex" as far as I'm concerned. I'm the anti-Viagra.

Just curious, are you male (I know we had a few people who claimed to be male but were actually transgender or whatever..)

In the 1980s I was heavily involved in the BSA where I saw one adult/teen relationship happen, and the 1990s I dated as a queer man, if that answers your question. I had a really problematic friendship with a self-described "chickenhawk" who traded drugs for sex. My partner and I broke it off with him because he was a walking time bomb. One of his barely legal college regulars rolled on him for pre-trial diversion and he did time.

These days, it's complicated. I've always been "questioning" since I was a young adult, and at 45, the prospect of spending the rest of my life in that closet is starting to create some serious problems. But for the sake of this discussion, I think I'm familiar with what Rapp went through as a queer survivor.

Ooookay.

I guess this is what one has to ask, these days: do you have XX or XY chromosomes?

I've never had a reason to be karyotyped so I honestly don't know what my chromosome status is. Do you? Do you normally ask intrusive (and redundant!) questions of queer Eagle Scouts? And why are you stretching so hard to gaslight my discussion of problematic gay relationships?

EDIT: And I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the notion that I'm a transmasculine person catfishing as a feminine queer AMAB person under this handle for over 20-odd years. Either way, I'm not going to cough up dubious "proof of gender" for an anon.

EDIT2: Although I admit, JAQing off by repeatedly questioning my gender as a child and young adult when I was sexually assaulted is a novel variation on the theme.

Edited 2017-11-01 04:43 (UTC)

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