[ SECRET POST #4029 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4029 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #577.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[greghousesgf]

as someone with zero interest in having babies, I always hated in TV shows when a character (usually but not always female) who never showed any desire to have kids suddenly thinks their life is going to be incomplete without kids. gah.

[(Anonymous)]

Same. It's always annoyed me that Robin on HIMYM was upset when she found out she couldn't have kids, even though she'd always been adamant about not wanting them. If I found that out, I'd be thrilled. And Brennan from Bones, as far as I can remember, never wanted kids until she magically decided she needed them (I haven't seen every episode so I might be wrong about that one, but at least that's how I remember it).

If it's canon that the character wants kids, then that's fine. But not everyone wants kids and the "never wanted kids until suddenly deciding your life will be miserable without them" reminds me way too much of everyone always telling me I'd change my mind, like they somehow knew what I wanted more than I did. I'm now almost too old to have them (32), and still haven't changed my mind so I kind of want to tell everyone who's told me that to go fuck themselves.

[greghousesgf]

In 18 days I will be 56. I had my tubes tied in the early 90s and the only regret I had is I should have done it earlier.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm 1000% with you on how annoying and condescending it is when people tell you you'll want kids eventually. But woah, you consider 32 almost too old to have kids? I would consider 42 almost too old to have kids, but 32? I know it differs for everyone, but I know several people who've had kids at 40+.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Ah, maybe I'm wrong then. I mean, I know people do (my aunt was in her 40s when she had my cousin), but I thought it was one of those things that's just not a good idea, and that's what I was going by. I thought 35 was the cutoff for when it was no longer medically advisable to have kids, but it's entirely possible I'm wrong about that.

[(Anonymous)]

My sister and all of my cousins didn't even consider starting before turning 30. They wanted to have their jobs sorted first. So they started having babies around 35 and later.

One of my colleagues had her first child at 47. Which is really late, yes, but the child is perfectly healthy.

[(Anonymous)]

The chances of certain problems for you or the baby increases, but it's not a guaranteed, instant, huge increase in your chances the minute you hit 35, and these are problems that can and do happen to younger mothers and their kids, too. It's not so much not medically advisable as just not ideal. No one would ever tell ypu to abort just because you're over 35, and if you don't have any kids, lots of people - even doctors - will be quick to tell you that you still have time left, even once you're on the far side of 35. My former doctor actually had a baby at 40.

[were_lemur]

I'm 43 and I'm still getting regular periods. *facepalm*

[(Anonymous)]

43 and just a couple of years back people would be horrified I didn't have kids and then say "41 that's not too late!!" Like no, I don't want any, go away.

[(Anonymous)]

For Robin, I believe it was more that the choice of whether or not to have children was taken away from her, that upset more than the not having kids. This was actually very realistic to me because I know several people who had this same reaction when they either intended on never having children or being done having children. On the outside, it looks like it should be fine, but it really did a number on their heads.

[(Anonymous)]

I think that's a very understandable reaction. I don't want kids, but a part of me wonders if that's what I really, really feel or if it's at least partly a reaction to the fact that I haven't been in a position to have them financially, job-wise, and partner-wise. I definitely don't want a kid right now - I'm single, don't have the money to support a kid on my own, and the nature of my job (frequent travel) would make raising a child alone impossible, since I have no family nearby. If I really, really wanted to have a kid on my own, I might be able to make it work if I found a different job that both pays better and is single-parent friendly, but that's way easier said than done! I mean, as my mother once said, having a child is never convenient, so there's going to be sacrifice no matter what, but it's just not possible in my current situation without a partner and a second income.

So, a part of me worries about approaching the end of my reproductive years without getting into a situation where having a kid is at least remotely possible because that means the option is gone and I was never in a position to freely decide without such massive constraints.

[(Anonymous)]

32 isn't almost too old. You will probably have people bugging you about it into your 40s, unfortunately.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't mind if characters have kids and are happy about it, but yeah, it's really irritating when they have a sudden personality shift out of nowhere. It wouldn't be so bad if it were addressed, like "I never wanted kids, but now that I'm pregnant, I'm happy about it. Is that weird? I feel so conflicted!"

In my IRL experience though, people who want kids don't always talk about it, so I can get the impression someone doesn't want them and then suddenly they are having them on purpose. Turns out they did want them, they just weren't BABIES BABIES BABIES! all the time. Like when my cousin was in grad school and was complaining about the doctor at student health asking her if she was really, really sure she wanted to stay on birth control. I figured she must not want kids. Actually, she just didn't want to get pregnant before she finished her doctorate, and she had a kid soon after.

DA

[(Anonymous)]

In my IRL experience though, people who want kids don't always talk about it, so I can get the impression someone doesn't want them and then suddenly they are having them on purpose. Turns out they did want them, they just weren't BABIES BABIES BABIES! all the time.

This is always such a stumbling block for me (specifically with fiction, not RL), because when something isn't established early on about a character I tend to default to having a headcanon in which the character is the same as me. So if a character doesn't mention wanting kids, I default to thinking they don't really want them, because I don't really want kids. Same with siblings. If siblings aren't mentioned within at least the first season, I default to thinking that character is an only child, because I'm an only child. And that headcanon ends up solidifying in my mind, and then if the writers contradict it down the line, it always feels really wrong to me, even though logically I know that it's my fault for basing my headcanon on a presumption.