fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4042 ]

[ SECRET POST #4042 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4042 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Louisa May Alcott, Eight Cousins]

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03.

[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure]

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04.

[Mickey Rourke (and Kim Basinger even though the secret's not about her)]

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05.

[Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero]

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06.

[Welcome to the Ballroom]

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07.

[Crazy Ex Girlfriend]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 44 secrets from Secret Submission Post #579.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Hate any trope you want.

But this one exists because it's a real thing that happens. That biological clock 'ticking' actually is something women experience. That doesn't mean they have kids, or should have kids, or that anyone watching should think they should have kids, but yes, this happens to REAL PEOPLE. Media will, naturally, mostly be about real experiences (dramatized to be more interesting, of course).

And not all women experience it, either. But it's a common trope because it's a common experience.

People who don't want kids are common too, but we rarely see them or their perspective portrayed.

I think OP's problem is with how common 'babies now!' is compared to the alternative, not that biological clock stories exist at all.

nayrt - Exactly. Men who want children are common. Both men and women who don't want children and never have children are also common. But neither of those things get as much representation in the media as women who were previously adamant about never wanting kids, but suddenly change their minds and have babies on the brain.

I'm pretty sure this is due to sheer laziness on the writers' part, because those story lines almost always occur five (or so) seasons in, when they're struggling for more personal drama, but they've set up a career driven woman.

Tropes are always lazy writing. They're not some super evil form of mass socialization as people make them out to be.

Wrong. That's like saying bread sucks because it contains flour. It's how they're used not the use themselves that constitutes lazy writing.

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(Anonymous) - 2018-01-28 14:39 (UTC) - Expand

OP never says that the whole biological clock thing isn't real, though. It's weird because your whole reply sounds like an attempt to rebut a statement that was never made in the secret.

I never said OP said that, I only made the argument there's a good reason it's common.

NAYRT

But then, according to your logic, people that don't want children should be shown way more than they are. Since that's realistic too. Real people do that. Many real people. So OP's complaint is valid.

Person A: I hate apples.
Person B: Apples are nutritious and good for you and many doctors recommend them. They're a legitimate part of a balanced diet that includes fruit and vegetables blah blah blah.
Person A: [who never said anything about health, nutrition or lack thereof] K.

nayrt but OP comes across as resenting characters who want to have kids if they didn't previously indicate they wanted to have kids. I can get that this is a thing OP is sensitive about, but it does seem like pushing her own personal feelings on the issue onto characters.

This is my thought, too. I agree that it'd be great to see more female characters childless and happy about it. But it's also overwhelmingly normal to want to settle down and/or have kids, and it's also normal that you come to feel this way even after experiencing your youth without wanting that. I don't think it's a statement or anything, just people experiencing life the way, well, most people do.

I'm also wondering what OP means by "characters who express no desire to have kids". I would get being irritated if a character strongly talks about how she doesn't want to have kids and her decision should be respected, and then goes baby crazy later on. But I wouldn't expect to see a scene with a character just talking about how one day they would like kids as a foundation for them wanting them later.

This response bothers me. I understand your points, I accept your premise that many people want to have kids.. but "most people do" and "overwhelmingly normal" just rub me the wrong way. I'm sure it's not your intention, but the emphasis that society puts on being normal makes it seem that you're saying it's NOT normal to not want babies, so not wanting babies is BAD. At least, that's how I'm interpreting the connotation of your statement.

Not everyone has children or wants to have children. That's a pretty common experience, yet media which is mostly about "real experiences" seems to skew in favor of "women who want babies" storylines. I'm pretty sure that's the point the secret is making, and not "I hate this trope because it's not common" or "I don't think this is a common experience". Like... OP isn't saying either of those things? At all? I guess I'm confused about why you seem to be stuck on that point when it doesn't seem relevant. I see from the thread that I'm not the only one who's picked up on that discrepancy, either.

I feel like money and life experience is even stronger than "biological clock". Who would want to bring a new life into such a shitty, overpopulated world if they can barely afford to take care of themselves? Accidents aside, people make the decision too lightly far too often.

In all fairness, if one waited until they were completely financially stable and had the time and money to have kids... there's a good chance they'd already be too old to have them, at least biologically.

Having kids is a big decision and shouldn't be taken lightly, but it's not a bad thing to want or have kids responsibly. Anyway, there's a difference between having a kid at 19 when you work part time at a gas station, and at 32 when you still struggle to make ends meet at work but at least have a career and a plan for the future.

I know a guy who is financially stable. Had a great job, house, marriage. Lost it all a year after finally having a kid. The pressure of having a kid made him snap. His wife left him and now he's being shuffled back and forth between a mental hospital and a homeless shelter. Having money is only one small aspect of being able to raise kids. Having a kids seems to be pretty terrible in general (lots of people reporting depression or marriage strain, or becoming abusive or a list of other things) no matter how put together your life is.

Okay? That sucks, but that example really isn't the norm. My sister and her husband just had kids in their late twenties. They struggle to make ends meet and with babies, there are lots of sleepless nights, but they are doing great and happier than ever. Kids are a lot of responsibility, but most people don't completely snap from the pressure of it.

That's a pretty extreme example.

Yep. I'm tired of collectively ignoring the fact that having biological kids is objectively a bad selfish decision most of the time in our current world. I feel sorry for the people I know who absolutely intellectually knew that but responded to their biological clocks and now have daily anxiety attacks about how the world has about a 25% chance of not going down the shitter before they're even dead.

It is absolutely NOT. For one, wtf. For another, have a look at countries that suddenly had a drop in birth rate and now have massively aging populations and all the societal problems that go with that. Ask, say, Japan how that's working out for them.

They didn't have a drop in birth rate shortly before a probable environmental collapse. We could, technically, take care of the huge population on this planet just fine, but the way things are going that's just not gonna happen unless there's a goddamn massive coup.

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(Anonymous) - 2018-01-27 23:15 (UTC) - Expand

Maybe if Japan wants more kids they could stop overworking people and enforcing rigid gender roles that make it harder for men and women to date. And to not expect women to give up their careers to have kids.

Gtfo with this fake bullshit. Biological fertility clocks don't exist.

https://youtu.be/g9ryP0UyO5U

Personally, I know far more women who have no interest in having children than I do women who want them. I'm in my mid-thirties now and I'd say only maybe a quarter of my high school classmates at most have kids or have expressed any sort of interest in having them. Most of us are perfectly content without them.

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