[ SECRET POST #4236 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4236 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 08 secrets from Secret Submission Post #606.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm more fine with OP being honest about it and not doing anything shitty than all these holier than thou replies. We all got shitty biases and sometimes it's more effort than it's worth to fix it. If OP's not actually doing anything to harm the gays, it's fine. I'm gay and it was hard as hell to get over my upbringing, why should we expect it out of the straights?

[(Anonymous)]

Sure, OP and you might think it's more effort than it's worth to fix it.

But then that implicitly acknowledges that you are accepting you're okay with this negative thing, because you don't want to bother fixing it.

So why get mad when other people agree that yes, it's bad?

[(Anonymous)]

Getting over biases isn't just some walk in the park, it can take years of exposure and learning to fix it, especially if you're coming from an upbringing like OP. And then there's the tendency to overcompensate with straight guilt or whatever, which is more insidious than outright bigotry. Sometimes it's just easier to accept you've got a shitty part of you and do the best you can with it, which I'm sure all the commenters here are guilty of to some extent.

[(Anonymous)]

Sure. But if you truly think it's shitty, what is the problem with other people agreeing that it's shitty?

[(Anonymous)]

The attitude about it, like they've never done similar things at some point.

[(Anonymous)]

"I was born and raised in a racist family in a racist neighborhood thinking non-whites were disgusting but I got over that. I still side-eye interracial ships in fandom though."

"Wow that's kind of dick thing to do."

Now if you truly thought that was shitty of you and wish that you should be better, wouldn't your response to that be "yeah, I know it is. I wish I could get rid of it but can't. That's why it's a secret," not "you hypocrites! So harsh! Like you've never done or said anything racist in your lives!"?

If OP is the way you portray them, they don't need defending. The only reason they'd need defending is if they aren't the way you describe.

[(Anonymous)]

It's over something as low level and inconsequential as fandom ships though. Like there's so many worse things that OP was even once and OP's actions aren't even directly affecting anyone now.

I'm also having trouble parsing your third paragraph. At first you're hyperbolizing OP but then you're hyperbolizing me but treating it as if we're the same person?

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not implying you're the same person. I'm saying if OP is as sincere about feeling bad about this and wanting to change it as you seem to believe they are, nobody is saying anything much that OP would disagree with in this thread.

You hyperbolized all the responders first by saying comments like "yeah that's kinda dickish" or "welp that's bigoted" was some kind of holier-than-thou thing to say, when, if OP is admitting that it is a dickish thing or bigoted to still do like you say, "yeah, you're kinda right" should be no problem to hear. So what's the issue with that?

I don't know why you feel OP needs defending. Are they being attacked?

[(Anonymous)]

From another person who's queer as hell and has had to go through a lot of effort to sort out weird internalized shit, this is what I was thinking, too. "Don't be a dick" is my general philosophy, so as long as they're not actually harassing real people, I can't be too bothered by just quietly holding opinions that (OP seems to be aware) are shitty.

[(Anonymous)]

MTE. If the OP is sincere in their statement that they are better about it now (which presumably means they support and maybe even advocate for non-straight people IRL), who the hell cares if they don’t like slash? No one is required to like or read a particular style of shipping to prove they’re an ally. And for what it’s worth, as someone who has had multiple slash ships over the years, there are more than a few hypocritical fetishists in fandom who are incredibly homophobic regarding actual LGBT+ people. So frankly there are a lot of reasons to dislike slash fandoms without having to defend yourself against accusations of homophobia.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Yeah, not liking slash doesn't make one a bigot. And liking slash doesn't make one an ally. I've had bad relationships with straight people who talked good game about their love of m/m erotica but still had the same-old biases where it really mattered.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I think the reason that they dislike it is pertinent? Slash itself is unimportant, but the way that OP phrased it makes it kind of sound like they sort of still harbor some of the same feelings as before. And that's not great.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

I don't think reasons are of paramount importance here. Certainly the people here rushing in to dogpile the anon over shipping preferences are acting with the best intentions, but I'm deeply convinced that sort of thing from straight people is more performative than effective. (Yes, I know some of the people joining in on this topic are also LGBTQ.)

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT, but I’m one of the anons replying to OP that their belief that being gay (and presumably LGBT+) is disgusting is creepy. And I’m not a big slash fan and am sometimes creeped out by the “omg two hot dudes fucking are better than one because ew yuck women” subset of slash fans. Which, to be fair, does seem to be shrinking.

I don’t really care about their attitudes toward fic. It’s their belief that being gay is disgusting that’s frightening. Especially if they’re telling the truth that they’re writing a book with a gay MC that they love. And even more so if the taboo kinkiness of existing while gay is a turn on for them because they find gay people disgusting. Really hoping none of those replies is the OP.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

"Writing a book" anon was a different anon.

To quote the OP, "I behave better in real life." That's the important thing, not their opinions on slash, which don't matter. And not my or your opinions on slash, which also don't matter. Instead of asking exactly what "I behave better in real life" really means, y'all are doing a performative dogpile on an absolute nobody over shipping wank. And I'm just fucking tired of how superficially political fanwank is sucking all of the air out of actual politics.

And sure, if "call-outs" of nobodies makes you feel better, I guess go right ahead. But I'm not giving out ally cookies when people engage in performative slacktivism in support of a genre that's frequently homophobic in practice.

[(Anonymous)]

You say "And not my or your opinions on slash, which also don't matter" as if you didn't constantly throw your opinion about the evils of slash around like it was the only opinion that mattered.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think it's a federal case, and the idea of "criticizing" it is probably flawed, but I would hope the OP would be self-reflective and self-critical and think about where they're coming from.

[(Anonymous)]

" (which presumably means they support and maybe even advocate for non-straight people IRL)"

That is one hell of an assumption.

And "icky nasty slash fans are hypocritical fetishists persecuting this innocent ally who sees slash for what it really is :(" is one hell of a hot take.

[(Anonymous)]

"icky nasty slash fans are hypocritical fetishists persecuting this innocent ally who sees slash for what it really is :("
Yep, because that's what I said.

It's also one hell of an assumption that that isn't what OP means by their comment. Without more context, neither one of is necessarily right.

[(Anonymous)]

So if you recognize that there's not enough context to damn or defend this person, why were you trying to defend them by claiming that they actively support LGBTQ people irl?

[(Anonymous)]

Why are you trying to condemn by claiming they don't?

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't, just said that your claim was an assumption with no grounds in reality.

[(Anonymous)]

There is "not liking slash" and then there's "side-eying slash because it exists."

I'm fine with the first, but the second? Yeah, no, and I'm gonna assume that even if OP "behaves better" they're still a judgmental bigot even outside fandom.

+1000

[(Anonymous)]

Agreed. And, as yet another queer person in this thread, also adding the fact that... slash fanfic doesn't always have all that much to do with actual irl people in queer relationships, much in the same way that popular straight romance novels don't reflect actual straight relationships. There's a dash of fetish, a dash of wish fulfilment, tropes and writing conventions that go into these things, and some of those can be pretty hit or miss.

Re: +1000

[(Anonymous)]

I couldn’t agree more, and I really like the way you stated this.

Besides, I don’t have problems with a vast array of things IRL that I still don’t dig the fandoms around or really even want to read. But then I don’t tend to enjoy any fiction romance so maybe that’s a little bit just me.