fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4376 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4376 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[MCU]

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03. [broken link]

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[Hjørdis and Uffe on Rita]

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08. [WARNING for discussion of rape]

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09. [WARNING for discussion of RL death]

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10. [WARNING for non/dub-con]
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[OP warned for nudity/sex]

Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Ask for advice here.

Posting mine in next thread for collapsing.

My partner found out today that his dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. It's spread to his bones and is now incurable. So now it's a matter of symptom management and making him as comfortable as possible.

His dad sounded super optimistic and was saying that it's not necessarily a "death sentence" and that it may not impact his life expectancy, but I can't imagine how he, my partner and his family must be feeling. I've been asking all night if there's anything I can do. I feel useless right now. Does anyone have any advice on how I can support my partner and the family right now? We were planning to visit his dad in the new year regardless, but I feel useless right now. This must be terrifying for him. :(

When my dad was dying I just appreciated people being patient with me. As things got worse, and his mood understandably deteriorated, I got blinders on and didn't realize until long after what an absolute rotter I was, but they put up with my shit and were there for me when I needed it. Frankly, most people bail when crap happens and it means they have to put effort into a relationship.

:( Thank you. And I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. I don't think it's quite sunk in for him yet but he's a really practical/calm person in general, so he's holding it together way better than I ever would in his position.

I think at this point it might be best to just carry on as normal and let your partner come to you. You've made it clear that you are willing to do anything you can and listen in anyway. It might just be that your partner needs some time to adjust to the news and acting normally for now is how he is doing that.

Thank you. We read the big e-mail from his dad together, and he said that it hit him a lot harder tonight when he actually verbally explained it to his boss at work. I think he does need some time to absorb it. I'm set on looking after him in whatever small way I can tomorrow. :(

His dad might be putting on a good show. At least, I hope that's it, because it'd be sad if he misunderstood his chances. Prostate cancer IS very treatable if you catch it early. That doesn't sound like the case in this situation.

My own father had a prostate scare himself and needed surgery and chemo and got through it. Every person is different, of course, but... maybe be prepared for emotions to be turbulent and weird. I wouldn't try too hard to "fix" things right in the moment and I'd let your partner take the lead. You could ask him now what he'd like you to do to support him. He probably won't have a set answer because he hasn't thought about it yet, but letting him know that you have his back is helpful. In general, I'd plan for comforting things - favorite foods, favorite media, snuggly blankets and plenty of down time. He might want to talk things out, but if he doesn't, don't force it.

If you can gently direct people toward estate and funeral planning, encourage it and frame it like a pragmatic "just in case" thing. But don't push that, either. It's not unusual for people to be HIGHLY resistant to the idea of funeral planning, even though it's a very good idea that will make sure the person's wishes are known and recorded and that the family has a plan in place when the worst happens.

Thank you so much for this lovely response. <3 I think his dad is putting a brave face on it. His humour is still in full swing (he ended the e-mail with a gripe about how his wing mirror got knocked off and it's going to cost him to replace it, of all things) and he says he still feels fine physically. He did urge my partner and his brother to get regular checkups though, as it could be hereditary. Which is an idea my brain is refusing to process right now.

We both have the day off tomorrow so I'm planning to completely pamper him. His choice of movies, games, food, anything he wants. It feels so insignificant in the big scheme of things but I don't know what else to do. He's not a very outwardly emotional person so I know he's not going to initiate a discussion on it with me, but I hope he knows I'm here. My heart is breaking for him right now.

Ok, well, I have a brother, I have a couple actually, but this one brother is this tough hardy son of a bitch. Kinda guy who can have a brick lobbed at his head and not even flinch. Doesn't even bruise. Guys like superman really.

Well, me and my brothers and our mates like to play this little game where we all take turns throwing stuff at my hard-bastard brother and seeing if we can make him react. Dumb game, I know but it was all pretty fun until this one guy - friend of my dad but really he's a bit of a cunt to tell the truth - he comes up to my little brother, My little brother can't really see, btw, so he doesn't really join in the game, I mean, it's not like we exclude him or anything, but he can't really throw anything.

Well this cunt mate of my dad come up to my kid brother and offers to help him lob something at my other brother. My little brother really should have been smarter than to take this arseholes word for it but he wasn't.

So my Kid brother, with the help of my dads mate, throws this stick at my other brother. Hit's him square in the head with it and my brother drops like a ton of bricks. Turns out the stick was from mistletoe, and my brother is allergic or some shit.

Now everyone is pissed of at my blind brother, but really, the way I see it is it's that weaselly mate of my dad who is to blame. What do you think I should do about this?

My step-mam is going to be so pissed off.

Edited 2018-12-29 01:35 (UTC)

Enjoy your Norse mythology roleplay, but you’re not allowed to destroy the world.

I mean seems the game was never going to end well. Make it clear that your blind brother was taken advantage of but .... it is a ridiculous game of chance and should probably be stopped going forward.

[ SECRET POST #4376 ]

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